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Find Love

Updated on April 28, 2009

The Successfully Single Syndrome

In my book, The Successfully Single Syndrome, I discuss the necessity for a single person who is looking for a lifetime partner to view life as a race throughout this process.  Today, young singles postpone tying the knot.  Instead of marrying a college mate from a prime pool of candidates, they concentrate on their careers and settle for  various, less serious relationships.  Then, suddenly, they are forty years old with no mate, no family, no prospects. 

Chemistry

To find love; attention, reflection and consideration needs to be given as to how individuals have spent their single years—what they have experienced in the dating scene. A different approach is required depending upon whether a person has never been married, is divorced, or has been widowed. Either way, "chemistry" plays a huge role and it is generally gender specific in that a man decides in about two minutes if he is attracted to a woman; while a woman often requires about two hours to gauge her interest in a man. It's true that some singles feel chemistry immediately but many happy, permanent relationships and marriages have developed slowly, too. God definitely played a joke on us by having women evolve into matronly characteristics while men their same age simultaneously require for the male libido the female attractiveness bestowed on the young.

Time waits for no man—or woman

These are particularly difficult years for a woman to quickly land a promising mate for babies, as they invariably feel the dream of a family slipping away, while the men often still enjoy their "commitment-phobia." Everybody gets sick and tired of the "one-date" experiences and the quasi-successful-serial-monogamous-relationships; and most have spent years of wasted ticks of the clock with the wrong prospects. The current result is that our culture is experiencing a critical increase of quality singles over forty—unmarried and childless—with seriously diminished potential for their dreams to come true. As these years pass, the situation for singles becomes confusing, disillusioning, hurtful, lonely, and depressing. Often they experience a vacillation between less-than-successful attempts to find fulfillment without their soul-mate; and feeling compelled to marry the next willing, attractive person who comes along in order to "beat the clock." Many attempts at the latter end disastrously, simply because they fail to act wisely, decisively and rationally. They meander through what may prove to be the most important journey in their lives without the joy that can be had in the process.

The Quest To Find Love

In the quest to find love, today's single population faces challenges that are complex, comprehensive and often difficult to overcome. The window of opportunity to find love is ever closing. Let's face it: when we do get married it is a one-shot deal (we hope). Obviously, if prior dating experiences had been felicitous you'd be happily married now. Finding your soul-mate ideally involves a caring, educated, generous and experienced matchmaker. Precision is necessary to find the love of your life—with the characteristics you can remain in love with forever. Don't waste time in flawed relationships when you see caution lights—Run! You'll need the time to continue on the path to success.

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    • lindagoffigan profile image

      lindagoffigan 8 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Great Hub.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
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      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Thank you very much!

    • profile image

      Scott 8 years ago

      We adore you, Dr. Nancy! No one puts it as clearly, succinctly or compassionately as you.

      Keep up your wonderful work in bringing people together!

    • profile image

      James Watkins 8 years ago

      I only wish I had met you 20 years ago!

    • profile image

      Larry 8 years ago

      Not bad, Nance! I'll keep an eye out for you, as the pirate said! ;-) So how the heck are you? Have talked to you in a while. Let's catch up!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Scott- Thank you so much for your lovely comments!

      James- Me too!

      Larry- Great to hear from you! My phone number is on the website (you can reach it by clicking on the blue "Matchmaker" above).

    • profile image

      Estan Fuller 8 years ago

      A very nice piece, I'm very fortunate to be married to wife # 1 after 45 yrs. I'm also fortunate to have you and James as friends.

    • profile image

      Wendy  8 years ago

      I'm very impressed, Dr. Nancy ... but not at all surprised! The first post to your blog is articulate, as you always are! I look forward to more posts from you!

    • profile image

      Joyce 8 years ago

      Miss Nancy.....a delight as always. And a beautiful picture!

      Hugs!

    • profile image

      Roman Inochovsky 8 years ago

      Dr. Nancy,

      If I was not married and looking for the right person I would most definetly come for your advise. Congratulations on your first blog. A huge success in my eyes. Now do not let go and give us more .....

      Sincerely,

      Roman

    • profile image

      Dave & Angela Robinson 8 years ago

      Great to see you posting Dr. Nancy. "You GO girl!" These are helpful words of wisdom.

    • profile image

      Robert Jonatzke 8 years ago

      Nancy,

      Have not had the pleasure of meeting you in person as of yet, but look forward to the opportunity. James is a lucky man to have an intelligent and lovely wife. A very well written blog. Could have used the advice a time or two in my life.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
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      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Estan- Thank your gracious comments and you are a lucky man indeed!

      Wendy- I appreciate the encouragement!

      Joyce- Thanks for the hug! I can always use those.

      Roman- Coming from someone of your calibre this is high praise indeed!

      Dave & Angela- I appreciate your appreciation.

      Robert- Your words warm the cockles of my heart!

    • profile image

      Roxi Maupin 8 years ago

      Nancy, welcome to the world of blogging. Great words of wisdom from a great lady. Looking forward to more!

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      I can see you are off to a great start. These HubPages are an excellent venue and a nice community of friendly people, too.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
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      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Roxi- I appreciate your kind words. I intend to follow up with a new post very soon.

    • profile image

      Bar 8 years ago

      Nancy, Excellent!! Good Read...............I am so lucky to have found Jimmy. But, it would have been great to see this during my 17 year search!!

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      I am glad you and Jimmy found each other

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Bar- Thank you! I am happy for you and Jimmy. Have a great life together!

    • profile image

      pattyg2 8 years ago

      Dr. Kenyon,

      I read your book two years ago and gained so much insight about relationships. I am rereading it now for a refresher before I meet with you. I'm very excited about the prospect of finding someone to begin a happy, healthy relationship. I trust you!

    • Benjimester profile image

      Benji Mester 8 years ago from San Diego, California

      There's a lot of wisdom packed in here. Reading things like this make me realize how much I still have to learn about relationships. I'm just an old-fashioned romantic still dreaming that something rare is out there to find. I hope I don't end up like one of the successfully single :) Guess we'll have to wait and see.

    • AshleyVictoria profile image

      AshleyVictoria 8 years ago from Los Angeles

      Great hub

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
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      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      pattyg2— Thanks for the vote of confidence. I look forward to seing you soon.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
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      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      AshleyVictoria— Thank you!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
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      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      benjimester— You are too kind! I am going to read some of your Hubs tomorrow. Thank you very much!

    • franciaonline profile image

      franciaonline 8 years ago from Philippines

      Hi Nancy,

      You hit the nail on its head! For some women though, time is a totally philosophical concept. The concept of linear time can be limiting. Thanks for your hub.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      franciaonline,

      Thank you! You are so right. And you are welcome.

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      I just know you that you are an author. great nice to meet you. although not really meet. thanks for share about "Find Love", I am looking the true love .

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 7 years ago from Orlando, FL

      prasetio30,

      I do have a book published. It is called "The Successfully Single Syndrome." Thank you for your comments.

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