ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Finding Closure To A Toxic Relationship

Updated on July 30, 2014

What is closure anyways? 1. the act of closing; the state of being closed.2.a bringing to an end; conclusion.3.something that closes or shuts. (Dictionary.com)

Sometimes when you're in an abusive relationship, emotionally abusive that is, the other person can build themselves up so much in your eyes, be secretive, and seem like a gold mine waiting to be discovered when in reality they have as many flaws as the next person.

This is deceptive and a trick to get you to never get over them. Then they'll tell you that they want you to move on, and the more they say it, the more you won't want to. It's a game.

You must realize that no one is perfect. Yes, I said that no one is perfect.

Then you must think of the pros and cons and write them down. If you have more cons than pros, you must move on.

Even if it takes you a long time to do so, you will eventually move on. But what about closure? I think seeing the person might help you to know if you truly want to be with them, but if they put on a "show" as usual and act all wonderful and charming, you won't see "what" you want to stop being with.

So, I recommend you imagine in your mind's eye what they are really like. Look for subtleties in their behavior like if they talked to you on the phone and they sounded angry or mean or thoughtless- realize that they are.

Rejection is hard yes but if you let the facts seep into your brain YOU WILL REALIZE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE MISSING what you thought you were. Sure, they may have been a great cuddler, or very intimate in bed, but were they mean or yelled at you? Did they lose their temper a lot and make you feel nervous a lot?

Maybe that's the reason you left them? Because they made you nervous or scared? Having to walk on egg shells or never knowing if or when they would be mean?

Did they really love you or just see you as "fun"? These are all things to consider. What would it really be like if you spent time with them? Would they be a FUN as you are fooling yourself to think? Or would they be boring, like they used to be--unwilling to go places with you and staying home all the time with you wishing they would come and then them wanting you to have less friends, by jealousy, and you end up LOSING YOURSELF and who you are as an individual to please them. it's not worth it! They will only make you miserable and you will resent yourself too for allowing this to happen.

Just realize they are lazy or a bum if they have no life. Realize that they are an alcoholic if they are one with a disease that makes them abusive. This is not attractive. it's bad.

Realize they- being the jerk they are- may NEVER tell you the truth in hopes you will remain baffled and wanting more, no you don't need more of their abuse ...make your own closure by closing the door once and for all to this person who really doesn't love you, maybe is fooling themselves---because if they EVER really did love you or still did, they would not be putting you through this game.

Amen!


Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      4 years ago

      Good to know, thank you tirelesstraveler!

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 

      4 years ago from California

      This is just as true for guys as for gals. My neighbor left his first wife because she was abusive , now his wife of 25+ years is doing the same things. She is my friend, but she certainly has changed in the last 10 years.

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      4 years ago

      Thank you Nell, I appreciate that!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      4 years ago from England

      Hiya, I know the feeling of 'losing yourself' long story short this was similar to me many years ago, and its not something I would ever go back too, just walk away and leave them begging I say, nell

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR

      schoolgirlforreal 

      4 years ago

      wonderful comments , thank you both!

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      4 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      dashing, I love the analogy of buying an onion instead of an apple and being a poor shopper.

      Great hub SGFR,

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 years ago

      Once I realize the only thing all my toxic relationships had in common was (me) that's when I made real progress.

      Each of us gets to choose our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No!

      You learn to become a better shopper!

      I'm not a big fan of seeking "closure" from exes. It's almost like asking them to kick you in the head as they walk out the door.

      There is nothing your ex can say that could make you feel better about having your heart broken. Whatever the reason was why they broke up with you or mistreated you could be the same reason why the next person will fall madly in love with you! Accept the fact they weren't "the one".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)