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Finding "The One" By Finding Yourself First

Updated on June 15, 2016
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It's often said that nobody ever finds their soulmate by looking for him; he appears out of the blue when you're least expecting it. This may be true, but a simple lack of effort in the search for love is not what allures men to drop to a knee and pop the question. No, there's something much bigger - it's the something we ARE doing while we're busy NOT looking for love. Finding ourselves.

How could you possibly expect someone to love you, if you don't love yourself? Or for them to understand all of your ways and except all of your flaws when you don't? That's unreasonable and the root of so many problems in relationships today. If you hate your love-handles, or your muffin top, why should your significant other love them? If you're frustrated by your lack of motivation and drive, why should you significant other not be?

By directing your focus on self-love and not looking-for-love, you'll begin to see yourself in a completely new way - and then your prospective partners will be able to as well. Confidence is not only extremely recognizable, it's sexy. A confident plain-jane can walk into a bar and instantly be offered drinks upon drinks, while the insecure 10 sits in a booth were her arms crossed. There's such an attraction to women who know their value, and their worth. When a man is assured that you're comfortable with you, he feels that he can be too.

So it's time to stop looking for a boyfriend and start looking in the mirror. Discover new things about yourself, start a new hobby or read a new book. Self-Introspection can go a long way. And I promise, once you love yourself, love will find its way to you. xoxo, C.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 15 months ago

      "So it's time to stop looking for a boyfriend and start looking in the mirror." - Excellent advice!

      "....a simple lack of effort in the search for love is not what allures men to drop to a knee and pop the question." - Very true!

      The reality is there are two reasons why a man doesn't propose.

      1. Timing (He's happy with the way things are or has other priorities)

      2. You are not "the one".

      According to statistics over 85% of men will have been married at least once by age 44. Therefore odds are any man a woman dates will eventually get married whether it's to her or not. Of the remaining 15 who don't get married by age 44 I imagine some of them are gay.

      The mistake a lot of people make as you stated is they have yet to figure out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate for life.

      That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If someone is having one bad dating/relationship experience after another it's probably time they reexamine their "mate selection criteria".

      The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).

      If you want something different you have to do something different.

      Lastly I would add it's important to keep things in perspective.

      Most young women in their teens and 20s set themselves up for heartache. The average guy in that age range usually wants to party with friends, watch sports, and get laid. The last thing on his mind is becoming his parents!

      The very thought of settling down, marriage, a 30 year mortgage, and having children is like watching their life flash before their eyes!

      In the U.S. according to statistics most people these days lose their virginity by age 17. The average age of a first time married woman is 27 and the average age for men is 29. Essentially that means on average before most people get married they will have had over 10 years of sexual experiences. Odds are all of those years are not going to be with the same person.

      Most men don't seriously entertain the idea of marriage until they are in their early 30s. The choice is either wait for your group to hit 30 or date older guys.

      A woman who has her heart set on marriage would probably do better to date men in their late 20s or early 30s who have never been married.

      One man's opinion!:)