ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Finding "The One"

Updated on April 29, 2013
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

When you finally find your soul mate—aka “the one”—you should never feel the need to be superficial, flawless, or precisely whom you think you should be, simply to satisfy your significant other. Hiding behind a phony mask will eventually destine the relationship to fail. “The one” should support and love you for exactly who you are…imperfections included.

Too often, friends or family give poor relationship advice, saying things like: “refrain from asking certain questions in the beginning of the dating cycle,” or “hold back some of your personality traits, or “don’t openly share too much information about yourself until you know they are “the one.” Seriously? From what I have experienced, that advice is BULL SHIT! It seems that this type of advice is spoken from someone who is in a superficial relationship, currently in a failing relationship—or isn’t in a relationship at all (not surprisingly).

I thank God that I was raised to not only be my actual self, but to ask the right questions. Thank you mom! Luckily, I was never naive enough to listen to awful advice, which in turn has saved me from unintentional heartbreak. Let’s be clear, there is a time and place for every conversation. Opening up about yourself should be done when you have his or her undivided attention. In other words, maybe telling “the one” (or anyone) about every relationship you have had (and what went wrong) isn’t the best conversation to have at a crowded restaurant.

I understand why you may think that concealing certain personality traits, hobbies, emotions, etc. is the best way to secure a relationship, but it’s not; at least not a successful one. For example, if you have too much emotional baggage, you might hide that quality to make yourself seem more desirable, I get it. However, in actuality, creating a false identity prevents genuine love from finding you. Although being authentic can potentially frighten whomever you are meeting; truthfully, it will only alarm the wrong person—in other words, the person you aren’t meant to be with. This, my friends, will save you from a lot of questioning, tears, and heartbreak.

Trying to only show your “super cool” side will not only get exhausting, but when your authentic self makes an appearance, you may seem unbalanced, scaring off a potential love-interest. Being 100% “you,” isn’t easy, but it is worth it. When you are not, the truth about who you really are will eventually come slithering out, and no one likes to feel deceived. Why waste your time and energy being someone you are not?

Pretending you like sports, romantic movies, camping, skiing, yoga, golfing, museums, shopping, etc. only entices someone to like you for a short period of time, but what happens when the charade is gone? Will that person still stay in your life? Chances are no. When the façade ends, we can fool ourselves into believing that we had a great relationship; however, how great could the relationship really have been if the person never fully knew you?

Hiding your spontaneous, funny, smart, creative, athletic, happy, intense, affectionate, self-assured, argumentative, romantic, arduous, sometimes-sad-and-maybe-a-bit-crazy you, doesn’t serve ANYONE, especially “the one.” All the wonderful things that make you who you are—including the somewhat-skewed parts and whatever growing pains you’ve endeavored over the years—is what makes you different and unique. Every experience you have been through has made you who you are…and the right one for you will not only accept that, but also love those qualities that make you who you are.

Years ago, I watched an episode of Oprah and Steve Harvey was a guest promoting his book, “Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man.” He had said that there is someone for everyone; even “crazy” people find love. There is so much truth in that statement. Finding someone who loves you just the way you are will weed out those who do not suit you.

When you find“the one,” you will be able to tell them anything without it needing to be the right time or situation. They will take into account your flaws, and will want to work on building a solid relationship. They will see how important you are in their life because they believe in their heart that you are both meant for each other. With your significant other, you will feel protected, loved, and respected. They will trust you, knowing that you would never intentionally hurt them.

When you find “the one”—the right one—you will grow together, not apart. Just like wedding vows, you will be there for each other through sickness and in health. You won’t take the trust you’ve been given and purposely shatter it. You will both put in the effort to make the relationship work…because you want it to. You will pick your battles with each other, not let your battles take over. With this person, you won’t want to intimately share yourself with anyone else. You will love, cherish, honor, and respect each other…because life is too short to spend your life with someone who doesn’t.

You will know when you have found “the one” because they will not only balance you, but also enhance your life. If you have already found “the one,” congratulations! If not, the right one is still out there, you just have to believe it.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      5 years ago from Denver

      I agree and thank you for reading.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Finding the one is difficult and once you have hold on to that wonderful life.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)