- Gender and Relationships
First Date Do's and Don'ts
First Date Do’s and Don’ts
So you’ve landed that first date and are another step in the direction you want to take. Regardless of if you’re looking for something casual or more serious, it’s all about selling yourself to your date and knowing what both of you want out of the situation.
A first date is really a chemistry test more than anything. As long as you’re both attracted to each other, the second date is a given, its up to you not to blow it.
Don’t: Put all of your cards on the table. Whatever your intentions, whether a hook-up, casual dating, or more serious committed relationship, keep your cards close to your chest. People naturally pay heavy attention to the initial words of their date. They’re looking for reasons for and against you as a potential partner. Don’t become your own worst enemy. Keep it simple, at this point all you need to communicate is that you are open to all possible types of relationships. Period.
Don’t: Bring up the past. We all have them, things we are proud and not so proud of. Successful relationships, broken relationships, heartache and hurt are something we’ve all experienced. That part is the given, its who you are today and where you want to go that will define you. You are not your past, you are a smarter person who has learned from it to apply today.
Don’t: Talk about vacations taken. Chances are, it was a trip with an ex. People latch on to associations good and bad. It’s a rabbit hole of reminiscing that can ultimately trip you up on stories about your ex or conversation about your past, which at this point, is no ones business but your own.
Don’t: Complain about anything. Work, your house, your car, money, your family, friends., the date, whatever it may be. Everyone has these problems or complaints, don’t turn this opportunity into a pity party.
Don’t: Plan a date that can be impacted by the weather, requires tickets in advance, or reserved seating (dinner being the eception). The last thing you want is to invite more uncontrollable elements into the mix. Take a baseball game….fun…and lets say your date doesn’t really like baseball, but is a good sport, sucking it up….but now its 100 degrees and you’re seated in a section that isn’t shaded. Whooops. Not fun. Or you’re going to some event, no tickets…and can’t get a seat…not a good idea. Be prepared. Have plans.
Don’t: Lie about anything. If you’re realistic and honest with yourself, this shouldn’t be a problem. Don’t go making things better, bigger or more surreal than they really are. This is potentially someone you want to share your life with, don’t start off on the wrong foot.
Do: The little things. Be on time, hold doors, remember your manners. Take some pride in your appearance, dress to impress but don’t over-dress.
Do: Listen! Be an active listener and no matter how uninterested you are, ask those stupid little questions that show you’re interested even if you aren’t. It will keep the conversation flowing and make the other person feel a lot more comfortable. You’ve got to be careful though, if you don’t say enough, you may come off as being quiet. You’re looking for tells, gauging reactions, so the right balance is key.
Do: Pick something to do, or go somewhere you will enjoy even if your date bombs. There is nothing worse than being stuck somewhere with someone who fails to impress you. At least this way, you’ll be entertained regardless and the evening won’t be a total waste.
Do: Make contact….eye contact, grab her hand, a gentle kiss goodnight…something to let her know you are interested. We’re all adults, even if its not reciprocated chances are you won’t get denied a simple nicety.
Do: Follow up on your date. A lot of times people will just make assumptions that your date wasn’t digging you. Remember, first dates are all about chemistry…is this person attractive. You don’t have enough information to know how compatible or not you are yet, as long as there was an attraction, you’ll find out what you need on the second date. So ask for it.
First dates are all about attraction. It usually only takes a minute or two before you answer the simple question of physical chemistry…From there, date two is right around the corner…and that, is much more complicated than the first date.