Fishes or Friends

I turned the lights on.

There wasn’t much I expected it to light up. A cactus plant, fish aquarium and a phone diary was lying near the bed. I guess I’d put them there for a reason.

“Why would you put something useless near to the bed”, I asked.

I had always preferred to put the cactus plant somewhere in the room. You need something to represent you in them. I’d always been an ardent believer that it helps others to understand more about me.

“They’re aware of the risk of starting something with a guy who can be as warm as a cactus plant. It helps them to set the expectations right, from the beginning”.

The day was getting darker for me. I’d never expected people to comfort me or accompany me during this moment of loss.

The sun was setting right over our heads. The shadows were looking pale and horrifying. I can see big creatures falling out of them and talking secretly against me.

I made the first call. I knew how I wanted to pass the news to him without showing any signs of chaos or disturbance inside. The fortress needed reinforcement from outside.

I was desperately seeking for help.

Then the second call, third call, fourth call and last one. The last number I dialed was someone whom I had not called in the last two years.

I guess he was the one who got it right. He was standing so last in the queue that I never expected him to understand and when he did, I was not able to take his help.

I’d already lost the sight before his turn came.

I wasn’t prepared to take his help and not return it with love, affection and compassion because right now I was not in the situation.

I’d definitely want to meet him at some future point in life.

….

The reason I was still able to get-up and breathe properly is because I’d never bought their definition of companionship and brotherhood.

I had never believed in it.

Let’s break it down. “I do not doubt people as friends but I question their definition of friendship, commitment and standing beside you”.

I never got a call back from any one of them and I can swallow it based on how I treated them.

I never gave them the liberty to fool me with their shallow, creepy behavior.

They wanted to buy my trust and love by showing they take care of me (the way they wanted to take care of me, irrespective whether I wanted them to or not).

They project friendship as something where they do not have any type of sacrifice to be made.

What kind of relationship you’re harboring when it does not ask for sacrifices to be made?

These fishes do not stay here for lifetime. One day they find themselves swimming in a flowing river, when the age is appropriate.

……

I expected them to fall short of promises and they did. I expected them not to drop a single plan from the schedule and they never did.

I was bleeding for help and they were busy catching with other friends. I can expect the fate of those friendships as well however let others learn it their way.

I was never a keen relationship-hunter because I doubted others’ spirit.

A lonelier like me had done exceedingly well by getting a cactus to find a place in the room. I had made friends because this is one of strongest human emotions.

“I’d put a race which is advanced and emotionally-compatible to understand us and not find reasons to make friends and show care on individual terms”.

I agree that people leave and people start new lives. And fishes are no exception to it.