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Five sure ways to bring love back into your loveless married life!

Updated on December 31, 2013
Image courtesy Michal
Image courtesy Michal

“Love like there’s no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.” -Max Lucado

Married life is made complicated by modern couples as they argue and fight instead of loving and adjusting with one another.

What happens when there is such lack of contribution of commitment from you and your spouse?

  • Your marriage now becomes the toughest challenge you face in your life.When the input of commitment is one sided, the result is unhappiness and anger.

But when you take efforts to make your marriage work, the ensuing contentment you experience is fulfilling and rewarding. But sadly, modern marriage has become totally complicated as you are more than ready to make your life a war zone by arguing and fighting bitterly for rights which you think is being denied to you.

What is the result of such clamoring for rights?

  • You both become apathetic towards each other and the rift between you widens and deepens.But in your inner mind you want your marriage to work, but just do not know how to go about it.
  • Is it possible to bring love back into your married life?

You can bring the spark of old love back into your marriage, but it is an uphill task. It is not enough if you have this mindset and your spouse doesn’t have it. The eagerness to make your marriage work should be mutual and reciprocal.

There are five simple steps which will ignite the spark of love into your married life again.

1. Talk it out!

You should have a frank discussion as to what went wrong with your marriage. You should also accept your mistakes and not try to defend yourself. If it was financial commitments the reason behind your bitterness, you should decide amongst yourself the ways to share the financial commitments together.

You should apologize for the hurt you inflicted on your spouse and promise such mistakes will never happen again. Do not think less about apologizing. Unless you apologize sincerely the hurt remains inside your spouse ready to burst forth in yet another argumentative tug of war of harsh words.

2.Do not try to change your spouse

You think that marriage gives you all the right to dictate terms and conditions to your spouse. It does not! You both are individuals with different tastes and upbringing and with your own unique characteristics.

Your marriage never changes that. You can adjust with your spouse but you cannot change your individuality. When you try to pull your spouse towards your way of life, there is confused refusal from him\her and the damage it does to your marriage is immense and dangerous. Learn to accept your spouse for what he\she is.

3. Give enough freedom and spacing

You should not cling to your spouse and demand all his\her time. There should be enough spacing between you to do things you want to. When you keep claiming for all his\her attention, your spouse gets averse of your over possessiveness.

But if you take a step back and allow your spouse that much of liberty to be himself\herself, it gives your marriage freshness and you do not outgrow each other that easily. ‘Me time’ gives refreshing stability to your struggling marriage.

4. Respect your spouse

If you ask estranged couples the reason behind their failed marriage, they quote lack of respect as one of the main reasons. You should respect your spouse and not degrade him\her before others. Physical and verbal abuse is a big no in married life as the bitter words spoken can instill hatred in the mind of your spouse.

You should not allow your family to insult your spouse as it makes him\her resentful against you and your family. Do not compare your spouse with your colleagues\friends\relatives as he\she does not like it.

5. Do not bring the old fights back into your marriage

When you begin your life again, you should start afresh. Do not bring old fights into your life and make it oppressive again. Past should always be past and should not be allowed to rear its ugly head again. The bitterness you felt should always be a thing of past and not come into your present life.

Sensible handling of your emotions is very essential to bring the spark back into your life. Do not let your emotions run at will and ruin your marriage again. You can reconstruct your married life back, but you should be on guard not to let the old mistakes to make its unwanted entry to wreck your happiness.

© 2013 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      MsDora, thank you for the visit.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Mathi, great advice as usual. Communication is the base, and you started with that. Voted Up!

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Eddie,Wish you a Very Happy New Year. Thank you for your good comments.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 4 years ago from chennai

      Wish you a very Happy New Year, billy. Thank you for your visit.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      A wonderful read my dear friend and I also wish you a wonderful year ahead.


    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Once again wonderful thoughts. I hope you have a very Happy New Year my friend.