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Flag the Train: The Bridge is Out

Updated on December 7, 2015

Train and Bridges

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Flag the Train: The Bridge is Out!

"What woman? I didn't see her. I was concentrating." This is the answer I received from my husband, one night, when I asked him if he had noticed a woman. A woman who was doing her best to seduce him from the dance floor, while he played his bass on stage. Of course a moment later, when one of his male friends asked him the same question, his memory served him well.

"Which woman? You mean the one in the red dress?" Fortunately for him I find this a bit humorous, which brings me to the question: "Can a man look at an attractive woman without having sexual thoughts?"

Scott Russell Sanders wrote in his essay, Looking at Women.

"Even as a bashful eleven year-old I knew the word sex, of course, and I could paste that name across my image of that tantalizing girl." Later he goes on to say,

"Nothing in men is more machine-like than the flipping of sexual switches."

He also compares the penis with a railroad crossing signal.

". . . which stirs into life at intervals to announce, 'Here comes a train.'" He makes it sound as if it's automatic, that men have no control. As a woman I wonder if this is true.

I suppose men can't help being attracted but are they capable of controlling their reactions to their "urges". I like the way William Carlos Williams explains it,

"I think that from that arises the drive which empowers us all. Given that drive, a man does with it what his mind directs."

Some men direct it well. Authors of poetry have written beautiful odes by directing passion. Skyscrapers have been erected and businesses have been built because the drive was directed. I know of at least one musician who chose to excel in music to show women what he was capable of.

Others, and I say a good majority of them, (unfortunately), have no idea of how to direct it. This I see every day in the way men talk and in the way they act. The comments men make such as:

"Look at the headlights on that one." or the way they tend to stare at a woman's chest when conversing with her. These things lead women to believe that a man has only one thing on his mind. Is this true? Do men think of other things?

I suppose they do. Out of curiosity I conducted an informal survey asking both sexes if they thought a man could look at an attractive woman without having a sexual thought. All but one of the women asked, responded negatively. Apparently, they don't believe a man can do that. All of the men on the other hand, (with sheepish grins), replied, "Yes, they can." One of the men used the phrase, "attractive objects", to describe women. The same women that he claims he looks at without having sexual thoughts.

Another man compared women with mountains or cars, claiming that he simply appreciates their natural beauty or their design. Knowing how men like to conquer things leaves me wondering if he might be thinking of climbing that mountain at the same time.

So men, are you lying to yourselves or have you been misleading women? Many women agreed with what I said before. They feel that men need to learn how to direct their drive. Women like to feel like beautiful beings inside a beautiful package. They don't want to be thought of as toys or objects inside exquisite wrapping paper, there only to be torn off in a flurry.

If men can look at an attractive woman without having a sexual thought then they need to prove it. They need to change strategies and direct their passion in positive ways. We are human beings. We are not things. We do not need or want to be conquered. If you want to conquer something go climb a mountain. if you want to impress women build us a bridge.

© copyright 2010

Train-Bridge Poll

Can a man look at an attractive woman without having a sexual thought?

See results

I thought this might be a little fun to play around with. To see what kind of comments we can get. I believe a lot of people feel different than this. Let's hear from you!!!  :)


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    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Hello KKalmes! I am glad you enjoyed the article it was a fun little piece. I agree about women finding less obvious attributes. I know my husband's smile made me melt.

    • KKalmes profile image


      8 years ago from Chicago, Illinois

      Hello Dardia, good read enjoyed and found it interesting. I think women find less obvious attributes attractive, nice eyes, great smile, things you can observe without drooling.

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks for coming by and thanks for commenting, tonymac! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun with this article. Not only the writing but the responses to it.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      8 years ago from South Africa

      "Skyscrapers have been erected ..." Need I say any more? Just love that line!

      Tnanks for an interesting read and the poll.

      Love and peace


    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      @Peggy W--So true how wonderful it is to trust your mate. I can't speak for anyone one else but what's on the inside is most important to me. Thanks for stopping by.

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      8 years ago from Houston, Texas

      It is a wonderful feeling to be able to trust one's mate as you do and I do as well. It is natural to notice good looking people both male and female, just like noticing an exceptional flower or beautiful mountain view. But with people, it is the INSIDE that matters MUCH MORE than the exterior. I think that most people would agree with that.

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you, De Greek! Your Editor didn't need to mention your hub

      I had already read it and that is why I decided to publish this article which I wrote some time back.

      As far as my husband, he is like me and it takes a special someone to get our attention. However he does miss it many times when he is not interested in looking at them. Come to think of it he doesn't even notice their attention when he is interested at looking at them. He is just a little insecure and shy I guess when it comes to women.

      I do feel though, that he is paying me the best possible compliment. He had many women to choose from but he chose me. I can trust him as well, which in the world today is hard to come by.

      And he definitely gets plenty of special kisses ;)

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 

      8 years ago from UK

      With your very last phrase about building you a bridge, you have provoked me, Child! I have written a whole treatise on the subject and I am hurt that my editor JamaGenee did not mention it:

      BUT, there is another side to the question. Some of us men do notice the special looks from interested women, but we deliberately choose to ignore them because we have found the Right One, admittedly after a lot of searching and experimenting.

      Your husband just might be paying you the best possible compliment and you do not realise it. It might be worth your while to reconsider your position and to give him a special kiss :-)

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Thanks Granny's House! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    • Granny's House profile image

      Granny's House 

      8 years ago from Older and Hopefully Wiser Time

      Great hub. I really enjoyed reading it and all the comments

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      I love her description. I can't speak for other women but I certainly am like this. The odd thing about me though is that I am not attracted to a man so much for their looks. I find that most of the really good looking men tend to be all about themselves.

      My husband didn't notice a lot of flirting because he was so shy that he figured that the woman flirted with everyone. He had been sent the signals too many times in the past only to find that they weren't serious. So he would tune it out.

      That is funny, I never thought of her as a female rapist. LOL!

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 

      8 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      If memory serves, it was actress Elizabeth Ashley who gave Johnny Carson a wonderful lesson one night on the difference between men and women. As much as I remember of the segment, she said when men see a sexy woman, their eyes bug out and go straight to her breasts, because that's all they see. A woman on the other hand can do a head-to-toe inventory of a man in 10 seconds or less, but the guy will never know he's being checked out unless she likes what she sees and wants him to know it.

      Like Miss Ashley, I believe the word "sexy" flashes when a woman sees an attractive man, we're just wired to be less obvious about it. Maybe a tilt of the head, maybe a cocked eyebrow, but if the man is paying attention (or happens to be a narcissist) he'll "get" it. Most men, unfortunately, are immune to such subtle signals.

      As for a female who would flirt with a man in front of his very pregnant wife, that's a whole other breed. Such women aren't attracted to unattached men. The attraction has nothing to do with sex, it's all about power. A female rapist looking for her next victim.

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      I like to tease my husband because so often he misses it when he is being flirted with. I also like to tease him when he does notice a woman. I always say, "Down boy!" or "Put your tongue back in your mouth." He seems to be ok with being busted as long as I don't punch him or something. :)

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      8 years ago from England

      Hi, I think that you are right about most times but not all times, I think it all depends on how old the man is, if he is young then yes, his hormones are in overdrive! but when a man gets older the urge isn't always there, and he has other things on his mind. I also think that if he does feel the feeling! ha ha then most of the time it is followed with sheer terror! for example oh my God if she fancies me how am I going to handle this? especially husbands, even if their wife isn't with them, they feel that she is looking over their shoulder! lol good question. liked it, cheers nell

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Hi Raven King,

      I love to tease my husband if I catch him looking because he is so often deep in thought and doesn't even notice when a woman is obvious about flirting with him. I actually had that happen right in front of me with a belly 8 months pregnant and him toting our 2 year old daughter. Amazing how some women can have such nerve. He didn't catch it all. I watched him to see if he would flirt back or blush or something but it was as if she was just talking to him like a neighbor about the yard.

    • Raven King profile image

      Raven King 

      8 years ago from Cabin Fever

      Wow, Dardia. Your hub brought up good questions. Is it ok to look? No zombi stares when just a simple nod will do. Hi there!

    • Dardia profile imageAUTHOR

      Darlene Yager 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      I think some men are better at hiding it than others too. I believe there are men who are oblivious as well, they are wrapped up in thought or something so they don't even notice. Women the same some do some don't. I am one who doesn't. A man has to really be outstanding to even make me look twice. There has to be something more there than looks for my interest to be peaked.

    • Romance Reader profile image

      Romance Reader 

      8 years ago

      What an intersting poll...but I don't think that it just applies to men...women are just better at hiding it =)


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