- Gender and Relationships
Fly Girls-Confident Boys Pt.I
What do we know?
I'm pretty sure (especially if you've inquired on the topic) that we've all heard women saying, "I'm looking for confidence in my man," or "I don't have time to make you feel like a man, act like one!" Whatever may have been said concerning the issue, either by your own reasoning or someone else's advice off of experience, it all deals with the way you carry, think and percieve yourself. The posture you present yourself to others, the step in your approach, regardless of your financial situation, the way you dress, smell and speak goes a long way in what vibe you give off to total strangers.
When I was younger, I battled through a very emotional childhood, both physical and mental abuse can weigh heavy on a child's demeanor and confidence in him/herself. What you say to a child can carry with them for the rest of, or most part of their lives. Many men and women as adults struggle to break the depression that grew overtime and which effects their everyday lives and livelihoods. Ultimately, your presentation is affected by your self-esteem, level of respect and confidence in yourself.
During the next few segments, I will try to address the issues that effect men and women especially in today's turbulous economic cycle of uncertainty. Each sex is effected differently when it comes to the individual roles in their households or how they naturally feel they should be making contributions.
Read and follow as I highlight various scenarios that we as men and women struggle to get through when our self-esteem and/or confidence effects the way people see us, and what little 'tricks' we can use to build that confidence back in ourselves and change the way others percieve you.
These tips can work well for job interviews, interactions with strangers, networking tips and relationship issues; mainly the introduction phase.
You are what you think you are!
"Man/Woman in the Mirror..."
"I am NOT a failure, today I will achieve the things I set out to do, God is with me so who can stop me?" These are among the inspirational messages when I'm down and out I look into the mirror and repeat constantly.
Throughout my childhood years, I was constantly told by my peers and 'father' that I was dumb, an embarrassment, never would amount to nothing, no different than these 'junkies,' ugly, bucktooth and too shy to ever be noticed among the crowd. Needless to say, during my teen and young adult years I carried that load and self perception with me everywhere I went. I was too shy to confront strangers, I was too embarrassed to speak with women and too afraid to look total strangers in the eyes.
At age 17 I joined the Army and immediately learned to speak in a high tone, "not yelling, just speaking loud enough so everyone can hear me!" In addition I became more comfortable speaking in front of large crowds and being the center of attention when I was assigned to teach classes concerning my job description. I learned that no one listens to a man with a closed mouth, much less have any respect for him.
Soon, my posture and attitude changed completely. In elementary and junior high, I suffered from a childhood of sucking my thumb which caused my two front teeth to push out. I was teased constantly in school by all the kids, more noticeably, the girls. At a young age I tried impressing my female counterparts, but to no avail.
The only words of encouragement that I took to heart (and in the future would come into fruition) was the 'ugly duckling' story. As funny and cliche as it may sound, those words rung a sigh of relief in my spirit and I knew at an early age that at least I had my whole adult life in front of me.
A good presentation
First off, let me quote one of my favorite hip hop artists, Nas when he said, "I got no game, it's just some bitches understand my story." Without any further explanation, I think the point is made clear.
The most common mistake (especially amongst guys) made when approaching the opposite sex upon first introduction is a loss of words, too much thought into your opening 'line,' or plain and simple too much to say. There's a fine line between being too self-assured and running off at the mouth, and being confident enough to know what to say, when to say it, and how long to continue the conversation before becoming a pest.
Recently, I made the same mistake at a holloween house party. I don't go into thinking about what I should say, but rather taking the situation into consideration and letting the mood set the tone for introduction. Before making any committment to approaching someone of interest, make sure the mood fits your comfort level. Don't press the issue by staring at the person without making any moves, unless the other person is feeling you regardless, this may cause for an uneasy enviornment, especially for women and you could very easily destroy your chances before even attempting any. It's the 'creepy guy' role that you definately want to stray from.
My mistake was made when I already established a good repoir with this woman, we talked and sat by each other enjoying the small talk while it lasted. However, as the initiator, you also have to initiate a moment of retreat. Besides, what more can you conversate about if you talk the whole night away before calling for the first time? It goes both ways, leave them wanting to talk to you more, no matter how intriguing the person may be.
Needless to say, I overstayed my welcome, even though I sensed the time for a casual exit a long time before-hand. The opportunity was saved though (after she admited that I became a neusance) when I waited a few days, maybe a week to contact her, and only through a simple text.
Upon first introduction however, remain confident, walk with your head high almost with a cocky demeanor. Smile, ask him/her their name, ask if they even mind having 'small talk.' The way you present yourself may strike a huge interest in the person and can go a long way in that person's perception of you. What always has worked for me was cutting the conversation short and 'not wanting to crowd your space, since I know you're probably busy with all these dudes approaching.'
Last but not least, be the first to say "why don't you take my number?" Especially with the drop dead gorgeous type, don't be quick to ask for her number, she's probably heard that countless times. Employ your number for her to call YOU, if she insists on giving you her number, you've more than likely accomplished the hardest fete, 'getting your foot in the door.'