Busted! Lazy and wearing an outdated "five o' clock shadow"
I don’t know what you guys are out to prove. Nor do I really care. Just want you to know that (some) of us are near-fed-up, had our bait, over-the-limit and ready to say, “enough already.” For God’s sake, shave already.
Please, I am begging you like the honest American man that I am. Shave and let’s get on with our lives.
Your blatant exhibition of your “five o’clock shadows,” isn’t cool anymore. That look is so “1980’s, Don “Sonny Crockett” Johnson, Miami Vice,” and is now nothing more than a tired way of you saying, “hey, my cute smile allows me to be lazy enough to not pull a Bic disposable razor across my face.”
Nothing more. Nothing less.
I like being lazy as good as the next guy, but please, give us who do shave a break already. At least meet in private places to show-off your lack of shaving skills. That’s not too much to ask. Is it?
Everywhere I look, there you are. Posing on a handrail by the seaside, wind bristling in your hair, and hairy face.
In almost 85% of magazine and television ads, you are there too with that manufactured, smug smile that is supposed to make me think that me not shaving to look like you will get me more women. Yeah, and I will run for the office of Mayor of New York City when it becomes vacant.
I like shaving. Nothing makes me feel better than a good shave and a good hot shower. I actually look forward to this time of the day. Man, I wish you did.
Somehow, somewhere, someone with marketing power convinced “one” man after the Miami Vice days were history that going with a five o’clock shadow was sexy, hot, cute, and drew women like flies to the corpse of a dead animal laying on the roadside.
And you, being the gullible man that you were, fell for it, hook, like and razor blades.
Why? Would just one of you non-shaven guys just own this and tell me the “real” truth of why you choose to forsake the manly-art of shaving? Again with my beg, please?
Was it for money? For lack of money? For prestige? Just something fad-like that this marketing “genius” told you would catch-on like a flu epidemic? Really?
Whatever the reason, you went for it and people like me are forced to suffer. Endlessly. The only comfort I get nowadays is when I turn my television off.
Or when I choose to not read any nationally-published magazine such as Sports Illustrated, Popular Mechanics or Sports Afield. This is the gospel truth, men.
Now that I am in full-vent, and in “rage mode,” it’s not you personally, guys, but the reason “why” you think that an unshaven face is a (pardon me, ladies), “chick magnet.”
I just happen to read (and retain the information) from a women’s magazine I happen to find on the floor of my local TARGET months ago and this article said in specific-terms that most women, married or single, do “not” think that men with five o’clock shadow’s are hot.
Someone, namely the marketing “genius,” of long ago must have lied to someone. Namely you guys who adorn billboards selling everything from sex to shaving cream.
What on earth will you do now?
Where on earth will you guys with the now-outdated five o’clock shadow-look go for the next hot look?
Don’t ask me. I still shave.
And I have never laid claim to being a marketing genius.
I am still proud of the contributions that the Gillette Company has made to shaving men everywhere. Rock on, Gillette.
I would say rock on, Norelco, but some millionaire named Kraft loved the company so much, he bought it. Along with the New England Patriots of the NFL which aggravates me because their quarterback is none other than “pretty boy,” “Mr. Fifth Avenue,” Tom “five o’clock shadow” Brady. Sorry, Mr. Kraft. I do not find myself ever spending any of my hard-earned money simply for that one reason: Tom Brady and his five o’clock shadow and lofty attitude.
I don’t really care for either.
Pretty soon, I fear that this “look” you guys swear-by, will infect other areas such as the ministry and priesthood. Watch and see how much I miss my prophecy.
I mean, to me, beards, long, flowing beards belong in the priesthood and even on the faces of ministers. But not the five o’clock shadow. No sir.
What I am trying to delicately to say is that I have more respect for any member of Hell’s Angels with their long, flowing, unkept beards flying in the air as they zoom through towns on their Harley’s than I do someone who insists on wearing a five o’clock shadow thinking that this look is, for lack of a better term, beard enough.
Or it might be sending the signal, “I really don’t want to commit a hundred percent to anything, or anyone,” did you pick up on that single ladies?
Has your long-time boyfriend of over seven years, who defends his five o’clock shadow to the bitter end “ever” talk of a lifetime commitment to you?
To those who are hurt by my revelation, I apologize.
I gave you single ladies credit for being super-observant and perceptive.
A simple acid-test is next time you and your five o’clock shadow man are out on a date, just work it into your intimate conversation over the candlelight and ask, “hun-eee, am “I” ever going to hear wedding bells?”
If he balks, ask why not.
Then test him by saying, “if you love me as you say you do, then you will let me see you clean-shaven. Tomorrow.”
If he balks, clears his throat, looks off, and looks at his shoes, then you will know.
You, my dear, are not “number one” in his life.
I hate to coin an old radio standard, but “ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, the five o’clock shadow knows . . .”
What are "you" guys with "five o'clock shadows" trying to prove