ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

Forgiving Yourself

Updated on June 8, 2016


I never imagined I would… or I never intended to hurt them or I just wasn’t myself. You find that you have gone further down than you could have ever dreamed. The pain is unbearable. You’ve even asked for forgiveness and may have even received it from the one(s) you’ve wronged. But forgiving yourself, well that’s completely unattainable.

Forgiving yourself after failure, hurt and devastating choices can stop you in your tracks and even paralyze the life right out of you. Everyone does it at some point in their lives. You may think your situation is more devastating or life-altering or un-repairable than others… and in the natural daily experience you may be right.

But let me ask you one question. Did you stop breathing and the world stop rotating? No…?
Then you still have a chance…

Your view of the world may have changed and your life may have taken a hard left turn with tough consequences as a result of your choices but you’re still here and able to put one-thought-in-front-of-the-other . Ok, let me share some words of wisdom and encouragement that will get you on the path to hope… to healing.

No, there is no simple, quick-fix but as you take that first step, to acknowledge that there is a way, then hope begins, moment by moment... prayer by prayer... until you notice a glimmer of light slowly penetrating through at the end of the once suffocating tunnel that brightens as you move forward.


Hope Begins

No, there is no simple, quick-fix but as you take that first step, to acknowledge that there is a way, then hope begins, moment by moment... prayer by prayer... until you notice a glimmer of light slowly penetrating through at the end of the once suffocating tunnel that brightens as you move forward.

HOW DO I FORGIVE?

First, you must come face-to-face with your fear, your hurt, your pain. Acknowledge the reality of what has happened, whether you caused it or someone else may have hurt you or it may have even been caused by an unexpected accident.

Today we are driven by a “who’s at fault mentality”, people must have someone to blame. This can usually be the clincher, the one thing that causes you to falter. If you blame others, then you’ll need to deal with this and find a way to forgive them. No, it’s never easy but it can “always” be done. Sometimes swallowing your pride kills your tongue especially when you were honestly not at fault. But that doesn’t matter.

If there is no clear reason, such as natural disasters or unknown cause you are more likely to blame God. This is another issue to assess and I promise you won’t always find a pat answer that will point to His reasons or His thoughts. So, this might be the greatest challenges to hear and simply acknowledge. Sometimes He alone knows the reason but allows us to go through the pain in order that we may grow closer to Him and trust in his unconditional love and sovereignty (meaning we must trust that He is God and we are not but we trust Him completely in all things).

Owning It!

I think the toughest one to accept or face is the one facing you in the mirror. Are you so disappointed by your own choices that you have lost all respect and care for yourself? Are you left with no self-worth or desire to move forward? Do you find yourself always coming back to the same spot, “if only I hadn’t…”?

Well, you did! I did! I realize the choice(s) I’ve made have changed everything. Life will never be as I knew it or expected it would turn out.

Grieving is Natural

Now, realize, this is a death. And it’s ok to grieve. You’ve lost something extremely important, whether someone, your future, your family, your virginity, your hopes… this is still a death and in the most devastating way, because you may have caused it (or thought somehow you did).

But you can’t stay here. You can’t just stop here and give up. This is when we are eaten-up with guilt and gradually our lives are destroyed, and we begin to experience a slow, defeating, dark, death.

Now, I have some great news for you… there is hope.

But you must choose to move.

Taking the First Step

Take your first, most difficult step and “ask” for forgiveness from those you have wronged or hurt. Once you do this then you have successfully taken your first crucial step. It does not matter what their response may be. You are doing this to free yourself. So, the only one that chooses to forgive may be you. Jesus said if we can truly forgive, we will be forgiven. God forgives us completely of all sin (except blasphemy of the Holy Spirit) through His Son Jesus so we should be able to forgive.

God’s word says in Psalm 78:38: “Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them.”

What Now?

Next we need to cut off, stop or put aside the guilt and embarrassment that we have allowed to suffocate us. Guilt, prideful Sin, keeps us paralyzed and feeling as if we are forever stained, banished.

God wants to cover all of our sins and protects us from judgment. He has provided a covering (His Son Jesus) to cover the sin that separates us from him so that we are forgiven and the sin is taken away from us. We don’t have to live under the guilt any longer.

Walk in the forgiveness of God so that we are free from guilt and shame. “If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?”

I think the hardest part of all was forgiving me, forgiving myself. God says he forgets our sins and He’s given us the right to do the same because of his Son, Jesus. In Jeremiah 31:34b God promises, "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." So if He pardons you then you must also pardon yourself. This does not mean you are not guilty. It means you have been given a pardon (released); it sets you free, FORGIVEN.

“So far is the east is from the west, he has cast our sins.”

Continuing to dwell on your failure and pain is just as bad as committing the act over and over because it keeps the focus on the sin. So, don’t glorify and build up your failures to make your story so grand either. The fact that you and I have been given grace is what is so magnificent about God’s unconditional love. We have no room to be puffed up or proud (which is a great sin against God).

At His Feet

True Forgiveness

I must admit, without a relationship with someone, how can you trust them and want to befriend them? That’s why I believe many find it hard to trust God, when they really don’t know Him that well. And that’s why it’s critical that you seek a personal relationship with the One who loves you enough to take away your and my sins by sacrificing His only Son. You must believe and acknowledge your acceptance that not only did Jesus die for our sins but that He rose from the dead and now dwells in your heart.

Now you will know and thrive in an unexplainable peace and treasure of forgiveness with the promise of eternal life with God.

That’s True Forgiveness!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Psalmist4M profile image
      Author

      Psalmist4M 7 years ago from the Shelter of His Wings

      Thank you for the comment and support. Have a blessed Sunday evening.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 7 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Thanks for taking on a difficult subject, especially while one is in it. Good practical stuff!

    • cristina327 profile image

      Maria Cristina Aquino Santander 7 years ago from Manila

      Great hub with great insights to ponder. This hub presents timely truths that are so relevant in christian living. Truly to receive the forgiveness of God is one the excellent realities of being a christian.Receiving God's forgiveness is one of the greatest blessings christianity bestow to a believer. Thank you for sharing these precious truths her at Hubpages. Blessings to you.

    • profile image

      Vannessa 7 years ago

      I enjoyed this article. You make perfect since. We make it so hard to forgive, maybe because we let it build up over time. For some of us its not easy to let go. Its so so deep. But with God, intsead of time, He can bring people in our lives like you, who can help us understand how to release forgiveness.

    • 2besure profile image

      Pamela Lipscomb 7 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Some things are hard to forgive. Thing you wish you could do over. Through God's grace we are forgiven and if He forgives us we are able to forgive ourselves.

    • profile image

      jasper420 7 years ago

      very true love this hub

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)