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Four Reasons to Wait for Sex Evan After Getting Engaged

Updated on August 30, 2013

Let me begin by congratulating you on sticking to your convictions and maintaining your purity to this point. That is no easy accomplishment given our current culture’s obsession with sex. As you have made it thus far I am going to assume that you are familiar with the standard reasons for maintaining your purity and instead focus specifically on four reasons why you should continue to abstain until you are actually married: engagements don’t always end in marriage, to learn self-control, to avoid guilt, and to avoid doubts.

My husband and I just after being announced as man and wife.
My husband and I just after being announced as man and wife. | Source

1. Engagements Don't Always Equal Married

Let’s begin with the idea you’d prefer not to think about and would rather be done with discussing: engagements don’t always lead to marriage. Yes, you are engaged. And, yes, you both want marriage. But engagements are pressure cookers and not all couples make it through the fires into wedded bliss. After waiting all this time, saving your purity for your future spouse it would be a shame to bestow that gift upon someone only to discover that he or she is not, in fact, your future spouse but simply and ex-fiancé.


2. The Importance of Self-Control

That’s not us, you say. We are committed. So let’s move to reason two. If you continue to maintain your purity you will learn tremendous self-control. “I’ve maintained my purity till now, don’t I already have good self-control?” you ask. While, it is true, you should be congratulated on your self restraint, maintaining your purity before you got engaged is relatively easy compared to keeping up that control after the engagement. Now you know that you are committed to each other. You are in that beautiful haze of being in love which proceeds mature love. Everything is rosy and you want to be together all the time and in every way. Make no mistake this time period will test and stretch your self-control.

So what is so important about developing self-control? You're about to get married and then you won’t need it anymore, right? Sorry to break this to you, but even in marriage you need self-control. Suppose you, or your spouse, are working late, or one of you is sick, or your children need your attention. And, besides all those more depressing reasons, self-control can allow you to prolong the intimate experience with your spouse. That is surely a goal you can desire to attain.

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3. Avoid Guilt

Alright, so we’ve established that self-control is a worthy goal. But there are other reasons to maintain your innocence even during your engagement. Let’s say you do slip but you do go on to get married would that be such a bad thing? Not necessarily a bad thing but it could have been a great thing. What do I mean? If you do slip and have sex before you are technically married God will of course forgive you. Moreover, if it is with your fiancé then you have technically saved yourself for your spouse. Here comes the but…but, you miss out on the experience being the passionate expression of your love for each other which God intended it to be. Why? Quite simply – guilt. Instead of being focused on your love for each other and your commitment to one another your first experience will be tainted with guilt. What is even more perverse, is that Satan in all his deviousness, can sometimes trick our minds into thinking that something is missing when the guilt disappears thus making married sex seem less appealing or even dull.

Many people feel that God has all these rules to keep us from having fun. But the reality is that God has these rules so that we can experience the most fun. God created sex. Obviously He wants us to enjoy life. But God wants us to get the full enjoyment out of life. Thus He gives us the rules so that we can get the most enjoyment out of the gifts He gave us. As the creator of all things He knows best how creation works. Trust Him. Play by the rules. You won’t regret it.


Diamond Jewelry

After ten years of marriage the traditional gift is tin. However, the modern gift is diamond jewelry. Many women use it as a way to "upgrade" their wedding ring. Personally I just need mine resized.

4. Avoid Doubts

There is one final reason I wanted to bring to your attention before you go your way. (There are in reality many reasons, but this is an internet article so you get four.) Sex before marriage confuses things. Society tries to tell us that sex is simply a physical act. However, anyone with half a brain knows that is ridiculous. There is a reason people always remember their first sexual partner. There is a reason people always feel an emotional connection with the people with whom they choose to have sex. Sex was designed to cement the emotional and spiritual bonds between and husband and a wife. If those bonds aren’t there sex tries to forge them. Thus sex before marriage confuses the issue.

Your engagement is the time when you are supposed to work out all the reasons you should be marrying your fiancé. This is critically important because there will be days in the future when you wonder if you made the right choice. If you’ve clouded the issue with sex you will find yourself questioning your judgment. Marriage is hard. Don’t make it harder on yourself by creating doubts before you’ve even begun.

One word of encouragement before I end: It can be done. And it is worth it. I married my husband ten years ago. Granted there have been days I wanted to kill him. (I know he can say the same.) But he is a hardworking man with a self-sacrificing love for his family. And I love him more now than I did as a twenty-five year old kid


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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      You are very welcome. I look forward to seeing more of your work. Your friend, Kenneth

    • Joy M profile imageAUTHOR

      Joy M 

      4 years ago from Sumner, Washington

      Thank you for your support.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Well-written hub. And is the truth too. I admire you for sharing this subject. You are a very talented writer.

      Voted up and all the choices.

      Keep up the great work.




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