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Freeing Your Mind, Ending an abusive relationship

Updated on February 3, 2021
schoolgirlforreal profile image

Rosemary is author of six books on mental health and inspirational poetry. She is a motivational speaker and a volunteer peer advocate.

 It's not fun to be in an abusive relationship, even if the damage is not physical. Emotional damage can be as bad or perhaps worse than physical in some cases as the person may be controlling you, hypnotizing you with their ideas, brainwashing you to think the way they think, act the way they do, watch the shows they watch, etc. 

There's nothing worse than losing your true self, or giving in to a controlling, manipulative person who preys on innocent unsuspecting people.  When I say losing your true self, I mean allowing someone to:

  • make you forget about what you really want in life (beat down your goals, dreams, beliefs)
  • distance you from friends and family (in order to control you more)
  • discourage you from doing the things you loved (i.e. exercising, socializing)
  • discourage you from work or independence (lowering your self esteem)
  • change your appearance for their pleasure not yours

There are many things that can develop in an emotionally abusive relationship and this is something people need to be wary of or look out for as anyone can become a victim.


Freeing Your Mind

In order to come out of this type of "relationship", you may first find you have to drop the codependent attitude you've possibly developed, which means you can no longer depend on them for anything, and you can no longer feel sorry for them or insist on helping them or "curing them" or "converting them".

It's likely the person you are giving up is an alcoholic or "user" of things or people, could be a classic worldly person who's been involved with illegal activity at least in the past who knows people's weaknesses and picks up on them fast!

Once you give up your codependence to them and vice versa- you will have to be the one determined to break it off, and stay determined, no matter what. Then you start building your life again, block by block. You will notice in the coming days, weeks, and months, (almost like quitting smoking- the relief and healing starts immediately- you will feel LIBERATED! You will begin remember your previous life, before the abuser. Life will be rosy again, your attention to details, your outlook, everything will change. You will gladly reap the benefits of Freeing your mind!

Abusers are often insecure and place alot of control on their lovers. They may be very jealous and keep you from even talking to the oppositve sex, or drilling you about who you've met and talked to. It only gets worse and worse, so "get out when you can".


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    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago

      Thank you Ray. :)

    • Cagsil profile image

      Raymond D Choiniere 

      9 years ago from USA

      Very nicely written and directly on point. Not much left to say. ;) :D Voted up! :)

    • schoolgirlforreal profile imageAUTHOR


      10 years ago

      Thankyou to HattieMattieMae

      RevLady, you are absolutely right, it's sad that these behaviors show up AFTER marriage.

      Thankyou kashmir56, Your support is appreciated :)

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 

      10 years ago from Massachusetts

      Hi schoolgirlforreal, Thanks for this much needed information in a very awesome hub .

      Awesome and vote up !!!

    • RevLady profile image


      10 years ago from Lantana, Florida

      Kudo's for this hub. It is so true and why I wrote an eBook for people planning to marry. Abusive behavior in any of its forms do not start after marriage. The signs were always there but often men and women fail to acknowledge it. Once in it, however, I think people should try counseling first before terminating the marriage if possible. Great Hub!

      Voted up and useful

      Forever His

    • HattieMattieMae profile image


      10 years ago from Europe

      Awesome article and right on the spot!


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