- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Freeing yourself from addictions
What is an addiction?
An addiction is something which has gone out of balance. It can stop you achieving the things in life that you want the most, particularly happiness and success. It can stop you getting from A to B. It can drive you nuts and at the same time you feel as if you have little control over the circumstances surrounding it. Even if you know it is an addiction, it doesn't mean it makes it any easier to deal with.
Is addiction connected to being needy?
Neediness comes from low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy. This can be because on one level you do not feel whole and complete. It could be that something happened in childhood which caused you to feel this way. It is no-ones fault. Our parents did the best that they could, however it could be that a situation has left you feeling vulnerable and unhappy. For a short while the thing we are addicted to brings relief from this situation, but ultimately makes you miserable again. It fills an empty hole or void within but does nothing to help deal with the root cause of the problem.
Addictions or compulsive behaviour along with OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder are very difficult things to deal with. Personally I have struggled with addictions in a mild form. Talking too much to my friends, having too many psychic readings from others and not relying on myself enough. Although being in touch with your spiritual nature can really help with neediness you still have to learn to trust you and your own decisions. Relying on other peoples' opinions too heavily can ultimately cause more confusion. However seeking the help of a professional counsellor who empowers you to take control of your own life is a very positive thing. I have experienced Inner Child Therapy and Hypnotherapy both were very helpful.
I remember a while ago bumping into a very old friend and saying that I always seemed to get unhealthy relationship addictions. She said to me "can't you get addicted to something good, like doing a course or something." Easy enough for her to say, but unless you have suffered addictive or compulsive behaviour it is hard for people to realise that changing habits of a life time is not just plain sailing.
This is a list of things I consider you can be addicted to:which can be negative in essence:-
Using your telephone - the need to continually talk to others
Mobiles particularly texting and continually checking it
Social Networking Sites!
Psychic Readings (if in excess) more than about one or two in a six month period.
Unhealthy relationships where there is no love but you are still addicted.
How do we stop addictions?
Well obviously it is not that simple especially with alcohol and drug addictions. Professional help is recommended. But what about the less obvious ones, being an obsessive phoneaholic, or a compulsive "I need someone else to sort my life out sufferer." Or I can't get through my Degree course work because I can't stop playing with my X-Box what about these addictions.
You may well think that they are not as important. If you did however fail your Degree because of them, or not sleep at regular times so that you couldn't hold down a job, it would have a damaging impact on your life. If you are ready to face up to what is really going on then a counsellor or hypnotherapist may be able to help you.
The problems with addictions is that they can just move from one thing to another. You could get addicted to facebook then you decide later that spending hours and hours on their is not such a healthy thing. You then slump in front of the TV every night and become a chocoholic!
To keep in balance we have to work not only on the inside, endless meditation, focusing, reading numerous self help books but we also need to acknowledge the outside.
Going to a gym, going for a long walk or taking up jogging is focuses on the outside or physical aspect of us. If you are working on the outside and the inside simultaneously then you start to come into balance. We have to learn to take a holistic and integrated approach to living which not only looks as our spiritual dimension from an inner quiet place but also acknowledges the need for us as human beings to be spiritual, physical and sociable. We all need fun, laughter, spiritual wisdom and exercise.
If you feel that your life is beginning to go out of balance, try to look for the missing element and start to embrace it. I have just taken up running at 48 and it keeps me off the telephone!
Look at the inside and the outside as not being separate parts of us but part of the unique, intelligent amazing humans that we are. Compulsions or addictions are not something negative that we need to blame everyone else for, maybe our parents! They are an opportunity to embrace change and to ask your self what is missing!