Friendship- The Way to Lasting Love
Friendship, the way to Lasting Love
By Tony DeLorger © 2010
The Hollywood version of true love is so overrated and unrealistic in today’s society. The trouble is that people believe the fantasy and not only buy into it, but hold out for that perfect fantasy to come true. The problem is the fantasy is way better than the reality and a host of eager devotees are wasting their lives in delusion.
We are so overwhelmed with these concepts of love that our perceptions are tainted and ultimately inhibiting. The paradigm is really about lust and infatuation rather than any form of real relationship. In our youth we are driven by hormones and pheromones, searching out a suitable mate for procreation. This is instinct, woven into our being and a part of our DNA to ensure continuing our race. But physical compatibility and good genes do not necessarily translate into a relationship; we human beings are far more complex than that.
In reality, successful long-term relationships are about friendship, understanding and willingness to compromise. Kindness, compassion and selflessness are base ingredients to maintain a loving relationship. Sure, there has to be a physical attraction, but without the friendship there can be nothing more than a hot affair with a used by date.
Today we are constantly bombarded with images of sex and perfection that it is hard to disassociate yourself to be objective when looking for a prospective partner. We say: too short, too tall, too fat, and too thin, don’t like the hair, the skin, bad breath, bad teeth, weird feet, moles, freckles, too pale and it goes on and on. We search for perfection but don’t stop to realise that no-one is perfect, not even us.
Because of all these reason most people find themselves single again and again throughout their lives. Instead of marrying in youth, having a family and growing old together, we have multiple ex-wives, kids everywhere and in the end we are alone. Surely this is not what we want?
Regardless of age, long-term relationships are about friendship, the basis of all relationships. How can a marriage exist without it, at least not for long? As we search for a potential partner we must try to be objective. Once the initial attraction is verified, it is then fitting to develop a sound friendship based on interest in one other, support, compassion and trust. It is only then that a relationship has any chance of survival.
Finally, having achieved all that, it must be understood that a relationship needs constant and vigilant attention and work. When lust subsides, there is another far more important love to experience, spiritual love. And that takes time and effort to grow. But the rewards are great and the effort its own reward.