- Gender and Relationships
How to balance between Love and Friendship ?
The age old adage says that ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed’. How many of us in this new generation actually realise the value of a True friend. Friendship today has lot of scope as well as limitations. The new generation’s non-linear saying is that ‘Friendship can end in love and Love can also end in friendship’. Generally we never consider the gender of the person with whom we make friendship. It is said that during crisis a man seeks the advice of his female friend first. The reason may be that a female friend can give you the most matured advice. Similarly, a woman trusts her male friend more than her female friends. They believe that their secrets are always safe with a man than with a woman.
It is said that a friend from opposite sex easily understands when one is in trouble without having to say a word. A cute chemistry seems to be there in all male-female friendships. Recently a research was conducted by an American University on ‘friendship with opposite sex’. The research has brought to light many interesting facts about male-female friendships. I am sure that most of us won’t be able to digest these observations as it is. The report says that all such friendships can’t be pure forever. At some point of time, one of these friends will start to have an extra concern for the other. In most cases, the male friend will feel love over his female friend it seems. The research was conducted among the age group of 18-52 and almost 400 people were subject to this study. Most of the men grieved that the female friends always turn down the chances of being in love with them. Many such friend’ships’ are today sailing through a stormy sea of emotions.
While one person expects true friendship from the other, the latter may have crossed the thin line between friendship and love and might have already started loving him/her secretly. And finally when one proposes, the reply may be that ‘I have never seen you like that’, or ‘I never expected this from you’, or ‘I have seen you as my good friend only’.
The real crisis occurs when one of these friends already have a love affair. In such cases things will turn from good to bad and then to worse. The researchers say that the stronger your friendship is with the opposite sex friend, the weaker your love will become. It will always be difficult to manage or balance between your friend and lover. They also say that if a person has a strong friendship with a person from opposite sex, he or she can’t be 100% loyal in love. There arises the situation where you may have to say couple of lies to manage between your love and friendship. If the partner finds that you lied to him/her for the sake of friendship, it will make the situation even worse and beyond your resolving capacity. In such way, the ‘Best Friend’ will become a stumbling block in your love affair. Even though there is no physical relation between friends, friendship can be a bomb which may blast your love.
The researchers say that these are the potential threat that friendship can cause to Love. They also say that a male and female can still hold a healthy and strong friendship if they follow certain guidelines. The guidelines that they suggest are as follows:
(i) Make sure that your partner is not uncomfortable due to your friendship.
(ii) When you spend time with your friend make sure that your partner is informed.
(iii) Try to involve your partner once in a while when you meet your friend.
They also warn that if you try to keep both of them away, it can lead to trouble.
The list of guidelines goes on endlessly. Let’s not get deeper into the psychological factors much. As the survey/study sums up friendship can never be pure as one may expect. One of them, at one point of time, may feel love for his/her friend. Ok let’s keep these studies apart. Let them prove what they want to. My question to my readers is that ‘did you get a question mark about your friendship while reading this’? How many of you have gone through the situation wherein you had to balance between your friend and lover?