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GUYS: 16 Things You Cannot Say to a Girl After Two Dates

Updated on June 15, 2014

After their second date, the guy decides to tell the girl all about his hobby

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After two dates, this guy decides his new girlfriend needs pranking

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Young man, you’ve had a handful of girlfriends in your short time after college graduation. You thought two of that handful was “the one” that you wanted to spend your life with, such as the likes of The Martins, Paul, June, Timmy and Lassie, The Nelsons, Ozzie, Harriet, Dave and Rick, and the always-attractive and in-control, The Reeds, Donna, Alex, Mary and Jeff—living fantasies on black and white television. What a time to be young and disillusioned in America.

I am not going to veer from the road that I have chosen in order to offer you a mild-hearted rant on The American Illusion pertaining to the sweet-tasting propaganda that led millions of young people to try to pattern themselves after the households of those family-icon’s mentioned above.

The only thing that kept these millions of kids from achieving The American Dream, as it was called before the young adults who missed seizing it, changed the name to The American Illusion, was a well-known neighborhood fixture known as: Reality. He’s a tough old sea dog. Been around since Hell was a campfire, and still going strong hooking kids straight out of high school slicker than Rolan Martin, expert fisherman.

Imagine, guys, you were dating Megyn Fox of Fox News and you said one of the 16 things on the list in this story, she would do what she does on this video

You told the girl after your second date, you knew how to take care of kids

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This is not what a mature woman needs from a man

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Young man, are you sure that you are ready to take on dating girls again?

Young man, I’m back to you. After that handful of girlfriends came and went, you thought you had gained a special male-related wisdom from the break-up’s, split-up’s, and leaving to find one’s true feelings. You might have gained “that” inner-sense that squawks like a firehouse alarm (in your head), announcing a “five alarm” fire, just when you begin to think that you were always cut-out for marriage and the domestic life.

And then again, there is a good chance that you haven’t learned diddly.

Just my cynical nature jabbing at you. I do give you credit for always having tip-top personal hygiene, clean hair, teeth and body, plus you have a good eye for shirts, pants, socks and shoes that mostly match. What girl in her matured mind wouldn’t be proud as a peacock to spend your money? And what girl in her capitalistic mind would be honored to receive a checking-account of her own, from you. Just because you love her.

This, my decently-dressed young man with the firehouse alarm in his head, is “the dream,” you can win. Follow this one with a fiery vengeance and leave The American Illusion be. We’ll all sleep better tonight.

In case that you haven’t read one word that I have typed so far, maybe my title of this piece, “16 Things You Cannot Say to A Girl After Two Dates,” will shock some sense into you and I pray to God that you haven’t been saying any of these things to the handfuls of girls who left to find their true feelings in JC Penney.

Guys, some comments you make after your second date makes any girl angry

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This is a "Comment backfire"

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"You think I am adopted?!"

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"You said that I looked just like your mom."

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Guys, get a good look at this girl. If you see her pouty lips go out, then you are in trouble

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“16 Things a Man Cannot Say to A Girl After Two Dates,” is tough, realistic, and a no-holds-barred collection of dangerous things that you “might” have said to the “goodbye girls,” and left you lonely.

  • 16. “When we were kissing back there, I felt the sharp edge of your incisor cutting the inside of my jaw.”
  • 15. “Hey, every girl has a little “barnyard breath,” once in a while—you were just nervous about tonight.”
  • 14. “You are nothing like “Julie,” now there was a girl who knew how to please a man.”
  • 13. “Can’t we just blow-off visiting your parents and meet Bobo and Clarkie, my two frat buddies at our favorite bar?”
  • 12. “Speaking of your parents, I sure hope that you can cook better than your mom. I almost suffocated right there at the table on that Russian meatloaf with fresh oysters. Or whatever it was.”
  • 11. “I think we will be married in a huge cathedral since I am Catholic.”
  • 10. “If we were to marry tomorrow, would you be nervous about wearing white?”
  • 9. “Live “near” your folks? No way. We are moving as far away from this “two-horse town” as soon as the “I do’s” are said.
  • 8. “What do you mean, I may not be the one for you? Sure I am. I am a man, right?”
  • 7. “Oh, you want to get to know me better. Listen, girly, you know all that you are going to know about me right now.”
  • 6. “Does your dad always drink that heavily when people are visiting?”
  • 5. “Julie, you need to cut-down on the bread dishes at Olive Garden. When you got into my car, I felt it go down.”
  • 4. “Wow, is that a picture of your older sister sunbathing at the beach?”
  • 3. “Why are you giving me the “silent treatment”?
  • 2. “Why aren’t you talking to me?”
  • 1. “What do you mean, “we’re through?”

Ahhh, so you blew it with one girl. Big deal. It happens everyday. It’s happening right now.

Oh, gosh. I published the wrong hub. What I should have published was: “16 Things You Need to Say After Two Dates”

Give me time. She’ll be back.

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear PegCole17,

      You crack me up every time I read your comments. 16 beers? Wow! And he confessed this to you? What a great topic this guy would make. Why don't you write about him?

      And thank you for your sweet words. Come back again.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      d.William,

      Thank you also for your time in reading and commenting on this hub that I visualized myself saying these doofus things to the girls once upon a time.

      Ahhh, scary times.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Tiffanyapril,

      You are right. And thanks for your very profound comment. Bless you for the comment and following me.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Perspycacious,

      Yes, it sure does. And yes, I did enjoy doing this one. I guess fun and inspiration are sometimes found at the same time.

      Come back anytime.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Gina,

      Thank you. I appreciate your warm comment. I pray that you are blessed beyond imagination.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      This one reminded me of the show, What Not To Wear. I liked your number 9 statement the best. I've heard a few deal breakers in my time, but thankfully, none of these. Seriously though, I've heard worse lines at the end of a second date. One guy told me, "I had sixteen beers before I came over," (True statement).

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 3 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      As always another satirical masterpiece in dealing with the opposite sex. Funny and enjoyable reading.

    • Tiffanyapril profile image

      Tiffany April 3 years ago from Michigan

      :) Hi, it reminds me of why folks need to cherish there soul mates. God Bless.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 3 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      I know you enjoyed writing this one and posting the chosen photos. Makes HP fun, doesn't it!

    • Ginapalmer profile image

      Gina Palmer 3 years ago from Saint Cloud, Florida

      Love it!