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GUYS: Things NOT To Do After That Nasty Break-up

Updated on March 15, 2012

SO HERE YOU ARE . . .

alone. Hurting. Shattered. Your girlfriend whom you trusted. Loved. Admired. For three blissful years, out of the blue, tonight at dinner at Olive Garden, (where you bought her the most-expensive meal with the most-expensive wine by the way), told you, "we need to talk." You have, in the back of mind, dreaded hearing those fatal words. You ignored it. Didn't think it would ever happen to you. But it did. You even prayed to God. And it happened anyway. And after this gorgeous blond with perfect teeth, skin, hair and a figure that Playboy would pay five million dollars to photograph for their summer issue, said "we need to talk, " you didn't get to say anything. She went on uninterrupted. Going for your jugular. And succeeded when she "put you down with, "I think we need some time from each other. Date other people. Explore the vast choices that you and I have," and after your sudden-shock and dizziness wore off, she "finished you off with, "oh, we can still be friends." Yeah. This ravish goddess said this to a man on the floor watching his life bleed from his body. "We can still be friends": what a joke. Crock. Piece of crap. Did this angelic chick not know that guys cannot be friends with beautiful girls? Did she picture you as her gay cousin from Indianapolis? Or her guy friend with the feminine attributes? Something happened. Something tragic. Something that has changed "YOU" for the rest of your natural life.

To coin the catch-phrase from Keanu "Jack Travern" Reeves in the 1994 super-film, "Speed," "what do you do?" . . .

HERE'S WHAT MOST GUYS IN YOUR SHAPE WOULD DO . . .

Think about joining a monastery. Joining the Marines and demand to be sent to Afghanistan. Enter grueling marathons and run yourself into the ground. Although noble, and physically fulfilling, the marathons, you are still suffering. And I mean suffering worse than if a thug with no conscience or moral compass had robbed you at gunpoint and made you pull down your pants for the bystanders to laugh at you. That kind of suffering. Actually it is psychologically-defined as, "mental and emotional humiliation." Wow. You never imagined, even in your wildest party-all-the-time days at UCLA, you would suffer this devastating affliction. But you did. And now you are standing at a critical cross roads in your life--probably "THE" most critical cross roads you will ever be viewing.

Again as superstar Keanu "Jack Travern" Reeves in the 1994 super-film, "Speed," would ask, "what do you do?" . . .


TAKE A HARD, HONEST LOOK AT "YOU"

SEE THE TEAR IN THE EYE? PAIN DOES CAUSE TEARS. WEEPING. DEPRESSION. AND SEVERE CASES OF "THE BLUES."
SEE THE TEAR IN THE EYE? PAIN DOES CAUSE TEARS. WEEPING. DEPRESSION. AND SEVERE CASES OF "THE BLUES."

NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR COMPLETE ATTENTION . . .

please remember that I am only here to help. Soothe. Solve and help you start your first important steps back to complete recovery. I know. This is tough, bud, but posture yourself with a Navy SEAL candidate. He (or she, i.e. Demi "G.I. Jane" Moore) has to become tough--physically and mentally. Get rid of that fear and "can't do" that has driven you for years. Sure, you are not the best-looking guy that God created, but hey, you are certainly not the worst-looking either.

You have a lot, if you need reminding, going for you. A college education with a Bachelor's degree in Social Sciences and minor in Agricultural Production, which is nothing but a fancy name for a "study of fast-food establishments and their effect on modern society," a decent body that you respect by exercising twice a week at Bob's Gym and Deli, pretty good hair, skin, and a heart that although maybe a bit gullible, would make any hot chick happy to have.

You see? This nasty break-up isn't as bad as your mind has told you. Like the late, master-writer, Rod Serling said, "a mind has to discern the difference between an illusion or the truth, for a man's mind can play tricks on him," and how right Mr. Serling was in that statement.

LOOK AT THIS RAVISHING BEAUTY

DO YOU SEE ANY TEARS IN HER EYES AFTER SHE HAS "DUMPED" HER BOYFRIEND? NO. AND YOUR PRETTY BLOND ISN'T SHEDDNG ANY TEARS OF HER OWN RIGHT NOW EITHER.
DO YOU SEE ANY TEARS IN HER EYES AFTER SHE HAS "DUMPED" HER BOYFRIEND? NO. AND YOUR PRETTY BLOND ISN'T SHEDDNG ANY TEARS OF HER OWN RIGHT NOW EITHER.
THIS IS ANOTHER RAVISHING BEAUTY AFTER SHE SAID A COLD "FAREWELL" (WITHOUT ANY REASON0 TO HER BOYFRIEND OF FIVE WONDERFUL YEARS.
THIS IS ANOTHER RAVISHING BEAUTY AFTER SHE SAID A COLD "FAREWELL" (WITHOUT ANY REASON0 TO HER BOYFRIEND OF FIVE WONDERFUL YEARS.

So now, guys with broken-hearts, I want to get to the "meat" of this hub, and share some priceless "Things NOT To Do After A Nasty Break-Up" like yours . . .

  1. DO NOT TOUCH the Jack Daniel's No. 7, Devil's Cut or Tennessee Honey whiskies. Now admittedly, some guys in your shape would "get ripped," to forget the 'battle axe" who had just crushed his heart, but not YOU. A sober mind is a powerful mind. Remember that. Instead of whiskey, or other alcoholic drinks, sit down with a strong cup of delicious tea imported from India. This tea, I am told, soothes the mind and body. Why do men drink when they are hurt? Simple. We are primal. But we are also weak. Childish inside. And resort to hiding our hurts in booze. Face it, Jack. You are hurt. You are not the only guy who is suffering. Right now, in some God-forsaken area of Tibet, there is a native man who has lost his princess to a rival warrior. Get over it. Now. Or your downward-spiral will cause long-lasting mental, psychological and even physical damage.
  2. DO NOT WEEP AND HOWL like a Lobo wolf that has stepped into low-life man's trap. You are on top of the food chain, bud. Act like it. This blond chick, although the hottest girl in western San Diego, did not kill you. She only hurt you. Temporarily. I promise if you do not act like a spoiled, blubbering brat, your recovery time will be shorter. And you will be back "in the hunt" before you know it. Take my word. I have experienced "this" type of hurt. And tried to make all of these so-called "helps" work. They don't. I know my business.
  3. DO NOT CALL YOUR BEST BUDDY and soak his shoulder with your tears. He may love you enough to take a bullet for you, but friend, even a best buddy's patience has a limit. You can call him. And talk briefly, I said briefly, about the break-up and change the subject. It is amazing how therapeutic a brief "share-all" with a buddy can help situations like a nasty break-up with a gorgeous girl that comes along once in a lifetime.
  4. STAY OUT OF YOUR KITCHEN and please do not bake cookies for you to eat while dwelling on "Bambi," your now-"ex," who is, at this moment, happy, laughing and having a good time. Do not let her be the only one enjoying themselves. Forget the Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies. Shower. Shave. And go to the club for a while. And have a FEW, I said, a FEW drinks. Maybe two beers. Laugh a lot. Let your friends see you partying and they will say to each other, "what a man! See how great he handled that nasty break-up with 'Bambi'?" Could be that overnight, you will be a new man. Ready for another long-lasting, meaningful relationship.
  5. FACE FACTS "Bambi," is gone. History. Will never be back in your life. So the sooner you accept this, and move on with your serious dating life, the better. Acceptance is the first important step on the pathway to total-emotional and mental healing, my friend.
  6. DO NOT compare "Bambi," to the next hot chick you join in a serious relationship. This is crucial, buddy. You can easily insult your next girlfriend and hurt her so bad when you foolishly compare her to this heartless "Bambi" chick. Your new girl has feelings. She is NOT and never will be "Bambi." Got that? Love your new girlfriend for whom she is. For her qualities. For herself. Simple as as that.
  7. DO NOT sit and stare at photos of the scantily-clad, sensuous, "Bambi," and feel sorry for yourself for being so stupid in trusting her completely. Listen. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You are a human being. An imperfect mortal with flaws like the rest of us guys. Learn how and whom, just two things, to trust. If you can achieve these two things, I tell you, man, your love life will be far-more happy and you will be a much-more complete man.
  8. DO NOT try to "lose yourself" in your work. Hobbies. Or withdrawal. Hear that buzzer? It means if you try losing yourself, you are out of the game with no parting gifts. Be moderate. Open with your life. So what if "Bambi" dumped you? So what if she shredded your heart and soul into giblets with her razor-sharp words that came from her full, pouty, red lips? I hate to throw a can of corn at you, but "she is not the only girl in the world." Look around. There are millions of gorgeous ladies just waiting for a man like you to "sweep them off their soft, sensuous feet." And remember, before you try to meet another hot girl, read and memorize Tip No. 7.
  9. DO NOT I'm begging. And I don't beg, tell your next girlfriend all of the filthy, hurtful details of your break-up with "Bambi," whose graceful, gyrating, curvaceous hips hypnotized you the first time you met her. You might tell your next girlfriend a brief summary of the awful, deep hurt that you are carrying around, but please, (now I am sounding like R. Lee "Sgt. Hartman" Ermy in "Full Metal Jacket), be brief. Over-talking this sad event, will lead to your new girlfriend finding reasons to not show-up at restaurants for dinners with you. Please keep this in mind.
  10. DO NOT cringe, hide or run away when you see "Bambi" in public. Alone or with her new love, "Jeffie," a highly-successful plastic surgeon with two homes, three BMW's and a pedigreed cat named, "Toni." I realize seeing "Bambi" is tough. I am not denying that. What you need to do is this: SMILE. WALK UP TO HER AND SHAKE HER HAND. AND "JEFFIE'S" HAND. Tell "Jeffie," just how lucky he is to have "Bambi," and then graciously leave. While whistling, "Turn Me Loose," by 80's super-band, Lover Boy.

And that's it. Done. 10 tried and true, proven things that you guys (who are now history to your ex-girlfriend) can do to help heal yourself and be a man again.

After all, isn't that what a successful social life is all about? Being a man and being able to not only withstand, but handle the "hurt bombs," thrown by hot chicks named "Bambi," who do not know whom they are losing when they dump a guy like you?

Right?

COMING SOON:

"(for GIRLS), "Things NOT To Do AFTER Your Nasty Break-Up."


DO NOT DO WHAT THIS "PANSY" IS DOING

WITH HIDING YOUR HEAD AS IF YOU WERE AN OSTRICH. LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES. GUYS, YOU GOT TO LEARN TO EMBRACE THE PAIN AND NOT LET IT MASTER YOU, BUT YOU MASTER IT.
WITH HIDING YOUR HEAD AS IF YOU WERE AN OSTRICH. LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES. GUYS, YOU GOT TO LEARN TO EMBRACE THE PAIN AND NOT LET IT MASTER YOU, BUT YOU MASTER IT.

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    • kenneth avery profile image
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      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey there, ImKarn! I suppose so. The girls "I" have been associated with over the years ARE complicated, or WERE complicated. I just gave up on them. And moved on with a new sense of well-being. And a little more sanity. Thanks for your kind remark. I appreciate you.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, SJ, the hub you are talking about, was published yesterday--entitled, "If you have DUMPED Your Girl or Boyfriend, Here are Things NOT TO DO" and I hope you like it. I dedicated it to you and Sueswan.

      Thanks so much!

      Kenneth

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 5 years ago

      Sigh..and you guys think girls are sooo complicated? All we do is eat and talk...eat and talk...talk and eat - how much simpler can it get than that? One other thing HE could do? Ask himself what he did wrong and make adjustments! I don't mean kiss ass next time - maybe he did too much of that last time? Just...adjust..forget alcohol. Smoke a nice J, and chillax...(and eat, of course)

    • profile image

      SJmorningsun25 5 years ago

      Deal! :-) Looking forward to it.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, quildon and thank you dear friend for your comment. Thanks too, for the votes and confidence you have placed in my hubs. I appreciate YOU very much.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, My Good Friend, breakfastpop, thank you for your comment, but I don't use JD anymore. LOL. Even when I "did" use Jackie D., the next day, had another pain: a terrible hang over and the pain from being dumped. Probably a lot of Jackie D. is sold purely for that one reason: to guys who are dumped. Reckon?

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear catgypsy, thank you for your sweet remark. Bless you richly for your time and thoughts. Hopefully, a few guys will be reached by this and get on with their lives. Have a peaceful weekend.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Ann, no comment? Okay. The girls' version was published yesterday, March 16. Enjoy. And thanks for your comments and friendship. I mean it.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      THANKS, hoteltravel, for your appreciated-remarks and thoughts. I ask God to bless you, and all who have commented on this hub, with the richest of blessings. No, I don't counsel teens, but I do some life coaching on Ether.com, people of all ages can call me at my toll-free number and for $3 a minute, talk all they want to me in total confidence. I will only reply and comment when needed. Just a new way to reach people. Maybe help a few along the way.

      Thanks again, Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Nellieanna, thank you warmly, for your sweet comment. You are a caring woman. Very sensitive to needs of others. Keep it up and no telling at the people you will help. Just like how you've helped me.

      Sincerely,

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dearest Susan,

      you are correct. It does take a guy longer to get over a break-up than a girl. I know that from experience. You are a wise girl, Susan. Very wise. And thanks for the appreciated comments and votes.

      Be careful!

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, alisha,

      thank you kindly, girl, for your sweet and caring comment. Pass this along with my blessing. I am just the messenger. Have a lovely weekend.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, prairieprincess . . .a heart felt thank you for your nice comment. I appreciate YOU for that. I hope that some hurting guy somewhere might read this and get the help he needs.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ SJ, good idea, the hub for the DUMPER . . .might just take ya up on that one. And give YOU the top credit at beginning of hub. Deal?

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      "Thank YOU," SJMorningsun, that was a nice comment. I liked it very much. Being an expert at being dumped, not the dumper, this came easy to write. Not that Im boasting, just wanted to make a painful event a little lighter for guys who ARE now dumped.

      Kenneth

    • quildon profile image

      Angela Joseph 5 years ago from Florida

      Another gem, Kenneth. Funny, but useful too. Voted accordingly.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 5 years ago

      I think the Jack Daniel's solution works best! Up and funny...

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      Kenneth, a great hub as usual! Not only funny, but very good advice, so listen up guys! Can't wait for the girl's version!

    • anndavis25 profile image

      anndavis25 5 years ago from Clearwater, Fl.

      No comment. Waiting for the girls version.

    • hoteltravel profile image

      hoteltravel 5 years ago from Thailand

      Will keep all these tried and tested tips in mind to use when I need them. Hope I won't ever. Even if I earn ignominy for being repetitive, I would like to add that you do have a way with words. Each point is so true, but said in a light-hearted way to make them sound non-preachy. You should think about a career in counseling teenagers, if you are not already doing this. Every day I check to see whether you have written anything new. Looking forward to the sequel. Voted up, funny and shared.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 5 years ago from TEXAS

      Hilarious - in a sad, tortured kind of way. You really do write well and so funny! Voting up and all applicable accolades.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Kenneth,

      Great tips.

      I think men take longer to get over a break up than women.

      She is NOT and never will be "Bambi." She is probably better than Bambi but a man or woman with a broken heart doesn't see straight. lol

      Voted up up and away!

    • alisha4u profile image

      alisha4u 5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      Wo Wo Wo !! I enjoyed reading it from top to toe..I should better pass this on to my Bro or maybe my BF !! hahaha :)

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 5 years ago from Canada

      Kenneth, this is excellent and funny! You are giving hope to guys for keeping their dignity and their manhood! Love it. You are funny but in your humour there is also a great deal of wisdom.

    • profile image

      SJmorningsun25 5 years ago

      Oh, kenneth. Always so amusing. I'll be looking forward to the girls' version. You know what would also be amazing? A "what not to do" for the dumper, too. Rule #1: "There is no such thing as 'we can still be friends.' You've broken his (or her) heart, and you owe him (or her) the kindness of STAYING THE HECK OUT OF HIS (OR HER) LIFE." :-) Just a thought . . . Voted up, funny, and interesting!