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Being Gay Children: How To Deal With It; Parents How To Deal If Your Child Is Gay Or A Lesbian

Updated on January 15, 2011

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Different

Imagine this scenario: you let your daughter sleep over at friend’s house because they are going to the movies later. You are at the same mall doing a bit of shopping when you spot your daughter walking with her friend. Not only are they holding hands as most girl friends do, but there they are standing in public, kissing.

Or perhaps you have a son that has always been a little different. Not only does he prefer more feminine routines (and I am not implying that all men who are a bit feminine are gay), but he prefers to spend all of his time with other guys instead of girls. One day your son tells you that he has something to tell you. “Mom, I’m gay.”

I know for most parents, this is a shock. To some, it is a total disgrace. You may even feel that somewhere in the bringing up of your child that you have failed. I am not a parent and cannot begin to understand how a parent would feel about this. But I am a friend of many gay, lesbian, transsexual and bi sexual people and I think it’s about time that people come to terms with this issue.

Now some people think that this is disgusting or perhaps even despicable. Or the most common one: it is unnatural. But what some parents fail to realize is that this is not a game. For some, it may be an experiment to see if they are really different or just curious about the same sex. For others, it is as natural as the circle of life. Just because someone is different, it does not make them non human. Every person has feelings and should be treated like everyone else.

There have been many suicides of teenagers because parents do not understand why their child is different. Some parents even threaten their children or abuse them because the children are gay. This is unacceptable. It is your child’s decision whether or not they are gay. A parent should love their child unconditionally. Just because your child is gay, doesn’t mean they aren’t the same child you raised, or taught how to make sandcastles on the beach.

Don't shout at your child or make them feel inferior. You wouldn't like it if you were in your child's position and someone else told you bad things. Talk things through with them instead. Try to understand that they have questions that need answering or that they simply need a friend who will listen and not judge them. It's no use fighting about the issue as this will make things tense and worse than ever before. It may be a phase or it may be permanent. Either way, support your child and let them know that you are always there for them no matter what.

I urge each parent to support their children because if tomorrow never comes, will you be able to say that you were always there when your child needed you the most?


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    • profile image

      kelly 5 years ago

      hi i have just got told the my 14 year old son is gay and i don't know how to talk to him i don't like it but i love him and would aways love him and i wont to be here for him but im so happy that he could come out and tell me to my face and know i have to try and take it all in and help he

    • profile image

      Collen 5 years ago

      Thank you so much you have made me realize I'm going in the wrong direction and I'm going to change! I love the gays but had a very hard time with the thought of my own son being gay, not sure why maybe cause I'm scarred for him I dint know but

    • profile image

      Sami suicide 5 years ago

      See I'm 13 and bi

      Im like really scared to come out to my mom and better yet I slept with my best friends sister

    • profile image

      Ryan 5 years ago

      I would really like to bring something up. This also answers blue's question about it being natural. I really liked and agreed with this hub until I read the line, "It is your child’s decision whether or not they are gay." I facepalmed and said, "Really???" I am 15 years old and I accepted that I was gay about a year ago (I'm still not to the point where I'm very open about it, only a couple people know.) At least for me, but I'm pretty sure it's this way for all gay people, it is not my decision whether or not I am gay. I used to wonder why I was gay and wondered if I could act straight all of my life but I realized that would be unrealistic. I'm not sure that if I had the chance to become straight right now I would, but if I had the chance to choose whether I wanted to be gay or straight from the get go, I, probably like any other person, would choose to be straight and be like everyone else. No one would choose to be so different from everyone else that they wouldn't be accepted by a vast majority of people. In reality, one can only choose to accept who they are as a person or live with the wish that they were someone else.

    • profile image

      Piddy3 5 years ago

      My son just told me he was gay. I had a feeling and I would ask him but he would say no. I finally stopped asking because i figured eventually he would tell me when he was ready. I every so often would discuss it with my husband and sometimes with my teenage daughter. When my son told me he was gay, we talked about his future and I told him the same thing i have been telling him for almost the last 10 years "I love you and I want you to be a rich and successful man!!" Nothing changes just because he's gay, I want him to hopefully have a partner and maybe even kids (possibly adopted). The only way things would change is if I didn't accept him because than I would be the one child short. I love him too much too lose him. He is alive, a senior at a university and most importantly he is healthy. Being gay doesn't change a thing in my heart. I am very religious and I know the Lord will walk us thru everything! The sad part is that many children don't are afraid and either get into drugs, alcohol or even commit suicide. I thanked my son for giving us the opportunity to continue to be part of his life!! We don't choose our children to be gay but it's our choice to be there for them:)

    • profile image

      blue 5 years ago

      ok.. i agree with you.. & u r right about how should we have to treat our gay children.. but about its natural or not !! they say that homo isn't natural at all.. because some accidents in the past my cause the homo feelings..

      im not here to ruin or offence it.. i need answers.. honestly.. i need answers .. direct & clear thing to prove that homosexuality is natural thing.. thanks a lot about you're lovely words ^_^

    • Nicola Tweedie profile image

      Nicola Tweedie 6 years ago from East Sussex, United Kingdom

      Being straight or gay or bi is just the beginning. The same heartache and not knowing in relationships comes up; just as the same hurt, rejection and trying to find someone who'se soul whispers to yours...

      Missing out on sharing that with your children is such a shame. I think there are better things to worry about: is their partner loving / kind / gentle / thoughtful...

      Gender is an important factor but there are many prejudices still around in this world and if your child chooses a hard path, better not to be another hurdle for them to navigate.

    • profile image

      lizerte 6 years ago

      Just found out christmas eve my son is gay. Never did we even suspect this was coming. I am having a really hard time dealing with this. I am glad i found this to help me see things in another light.

    • michelemacwrites profile image

      Michele McCallister 6 years ago from USA

      Totally enjoyed your hub. Awesome !! Visit

    • DeboHubpages profile image

      DeboHubpages 6 years ago

      I Know my Step Brother Is Confused because he told me. The sad thing is everyone in the family keeps asking each other out loud if he is gay but does not address him about it.

    • ljrc1961 profile image

      Laura Cole 7 years ago from Michigan

      enjoyed your hub

    • ZackW.Van profile image

      ZackW.Van 7 years ago from Wisconsin Area

      Wonderful Hub.

      I write a lot on Gay issues and I apreciate it when others also try to sway the oppinions towards equality. Well done.

    • Anath profile image

      Anath 7 years ago

      I think it can be a shock at first for your parents to know that you are gay/lesbian; but most parents end up accepting the fact that it is their children's sexuality at stake.

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      Thanks St0rm3! You're right, love is not a science. Besides, in the end all that matters is that the individual is happy and living life the way they want to; not restricted by other's views.

    • st0rm3 profile image

      st0rm3 8 years ago from Durban, South Africa

      i think its the way you go about telling your parents- or anybody for that matter. People are prone to rash reactions when shocked, like feelings of anger and disbelief.Sometimes parents feel a sense of failure for raising a child they think has come out 'wrong'. I think that society is becoming more accepting if you go about your sexuality in the correct way.

      Of course there are people who are blinded by the belief that being gay is wrong and a mortal sin or are just unwilling to accept the idea- these people shouldn't matter to us.

      I do not believe genetics play a part in whether a child is gay or not. Love is NOT a science.

      Just my views on a great hub CP

    • james10 profile image

      james10 8 years ago

      I love how you explored the (to some extent)what the parents of "us" think when we tell them we are GBL.

      but id like to say something about your facts if i may. you say its the child choice to be GBL but its not always the case most have been GBL since they were born and they just thought it was a phase and never thought about it again until it hit them in the face few years later and they think it was a choice but they have been living with it there whole life.. thank you for reading this all the way through

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      It's small but major to others. Thank you for reading this article. :)

    • profile image

      lyricsingray 8 years ago

      I just got the pleasure of thinking about a topic I never had before. This is so well written and such an important topic. Thanks for bringing it to us, awareness, awareness, awareness is so key, thank you, Kimberly

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      You're right Rope. And if only every parent would react that way.. thank you for the comment!

    • The Rope profile image

      The Rope 8 years ago from SE US

      when they tell breath in, you go still, you say "I know" and then you tell them you love them. And if you are really floundering inside, you tell them you need some time and then go to your room and react. this isn't about you, it's about your child. if you do this, you will find that conversations between you will not stop but grow.

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      It is rather complicated i suppose because not many people understand how others feel and why they do what they do. I hope this encourages every parent of a gay child and every child who is gay and i hope they know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things will work out as they should :) thanks again, cheeky!

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 8 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      Hy CP,

      I am a hubber here for a few weeks with some hubs published, including one of how I met my girlfriend, who was just coming out. I had hasle with her parents. Her mother is okay with her being gay, and so is her Dad. The issue seems to be me, as the mom is okay with me , but her father isn't. Its a difficult subject. Trust is the key to everything I think. I have had to go through her experience myself. I have great sympathy for any person who is coming out, it can be scary enough. But with understanding and compassion, sometimes good things can happen too. Trying to "fit in" can be so difficult. Thanks for a thought-provoking HUB here.

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      I think you should be able to trust your daughter and be open enough with her to know which girl she is with, if any, and let her go and enjoy herself with friends. I've seen parents who restrict their children's movements and that child has so much hatred that it's horrific to watch the child spiral out of control. I firmly believe there should be a good communication bond of trust between parents and children so talk to her and find out how she feels about everything too. and good luck!

    • broussardleslie profile image

      Leslie Broussard 8 years ago

      You raise an interesting question -

      I would never let my heterosexual teenage daughter sleep at a boy's house. If I think my daughter might be lesbian, should I then not allow her to sleep at a girl's house?

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      thank you for you comment andyizeluk!

    • andyizeluk profile image

      andyizeluk 8 years ago from Detroit

      absolutely love it. :)

    • CiscoPixie profile image

      CiscoPixie 8 years ago from I'm in a world of my own, but aren't we all?

      Thank you very much for the positive comment :)

    • Georgiakevin profile image

      Georgiakevin 8 years ago from Central Georgia

      What a kind and thoughtful hub!