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Gaydar Secrets

Updated on July 9, 2011
Come on ... these are the easy ones.
Come on ... these are the easy ones.

Gaydar = gay radar

Okay, I might get into serious trouble with this, but I've been asked dozens of times how you can tell a gay man or woman from his/her straight counterparts. ('Straight' means 'heterosexual' in modern gay parlance)

Some are obvious (I mean, do you need my help to know Richard Simmons and k.d. lang are gay?). But most are a bit more subtle, and it isn't usually a matter of how much product they use in their hair, or how much they follow professional sports, that really matter.

Some have said it's a sense that's difficult to describe, and I guess it is. However, I've distilled the following clues from my *years* (ahem!) of experience:

(Take it for all it's worth--I'm just having fun here)

#1) The walk

Gay men take short strides. It's true. Gay men walk like geishas wearing wooden sandals. Straight men, on the other hand, look like they're trying to compete in the long jump, extra slowly--very long strides.

Lesbians walk like straight men. A definite swagger. There's a reason there's a saying in the lesbian community: "If it talks like a dyke and it walks like a dyke, then it probably is a dyke."

#2) Awareness of people around them

Gay men need to look at every other person in sight. When in public, gay men are continually distracted by other people. It's almost comical (being so utterly predictable) when you walk in a restaurant or a shop, and all the gay men will whip their heads around to look at you. It's in our DNA, completely instinctive. Meanwhile...

Lesbians couldn't care less. Butch lesbians, in particular, are too concerned with their gadgets--they, like straight men, adore PDAs, CBs, BBs, and every other mechanical acronym out there. If it weren't for lesbians, the Radio Shack and hardware stores in the Castro and West Village would go out of business. (Restoration Hardware, on the other hand, is a favorite among gay men)

#3) Names

Gay men dislike nicknames. Gay men want their name as long and formal sounding as possible, like they really want to reclaim the name their mothers called them when they were angry. It's much rarer to meet a gay Chris than a Christopher, for instance. It's never "Tom", it's "Thomas". And forget calling a gay man "Andy"--it's "Andrew", or, even better yet, "Andrew Michael".

Conversely, lesbians will shorten their names to the most masculine sounding nickname possible. "Christine" is always "Chris", "Leslie" is "Les", and "Georgia" always ends up as "George" (no, I'm not kidding). If the name is impossible to shorten to a masculine-sounding nickname, like Jennifer or Virginia, then it's just a single letter: "J" and "V".

#4) Clothing fit

Gay men will wear it as tight as possible. For some odd reason, gay men are as obsessed with their pant size as straight women are with their clothing size. The difference between a 32 and a 34 presents as big a self-esteem issue for gay men (and, apparently, Jerry Seinfeld) as a 6 and an 8 does for a straight woman. It's not unusual to see a gay man stuffing his flabby frame into a too-tight size 32 jeans just so he can brag about wearing that size.

Lesbians, like straight men, like baggy and loose. Really butch lesbians will wear shirts as loose as possible in order to give the semblance of breastlessness (especially among those trying to look like 14-year-old skateboarders). Most of the butch lesbian women I know exclusively shop at the men's department, and that includes underwear (they prefer boxers).

#5) Music preferences

Gay men: bubble-gum Europop. Or House. Or Techno. No substitutions or exchanges. Gay men love Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, and Groove Armada. Unless you're a gay man or a European, you've probably never heard of them.

Lesbians love Country. Or Heavy Metal. Or Folk Rock. No substitutions or exchanges. Lesbians love anyone who has played at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. No one else even wants to go to Michigan.

Kayne's all smiles, while Shane only manages a pout
Kayne's all smiles, while Shane only manages a pout

#6) Smiling too much or not at all in pictures

Gay men grin from ear to ear in pictures. In an attempt to show as many of their pearly whites on celluloid (or memory sticks), gay men instinctively smile as widely as possible when their picture is being taken.

Lesbians, on the other hand, usually snarl. Maybe a pout. Maybe a threatening glare. But never a smile. Never. (Except the femmes)

Test your gaydar

Gay or Eurotrash? - There was also "Lesbian or German Lady?" from the same site but the link is now dead :-( I got all of these right (but keep in mind, they're not confirmed; I just agreed with the judges)

OKCupid's Gaydar Quiz - 10 male and 10 female questions, and I have to say some are a little tricky. I got 75% correct.

ABC's 20/20 Gaydar Quiz: Yeah, it's mainstream now. I got 8/10 right, but in all fairness, the picture is *small*.


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    • profile image

      Ooh La La Pig Spa 3 years ago

      Waaaaay too many stereotypes here.

      1. I don't know about this

      2. This is probably true

      3. This isn't true for everybody. I'm tickled by nicknames.

      4. I've met some gays who do this, but I prefer loose clothing

      5. No no no no no. This isn't true.

      6. False

    • profile image

      GUY w/ Question 3 years ago

      I'm a guy and my lesbian friend told me if she were straight she would date me cuz I'm really nice. what does this Mean?

    • profile image

      Tome_to 5 years ago

      Why THIS ARTICLE just rubbed it on to me! I was a beard! My ex hubby is very good at hiding it. Yet I scored 80% on just now, Looking back, I think I was blinded by my love for him that I dismissed those little things I noticed in him. Like, how he crosses his legs when he was courting me (like a proper lady) , how he walk (like a geisha) but... he was built like a tank! square jaw like Rock Hudson he is handsome and well built and tall... He likes to wear as tight as possible for shirts and he thinks he is better at color coordinating, he chooses shirt color based on how he feels like often rejecting my choice of shirt for him and he even buys blouses for me and our daughters and I was surprised he is better at choosing which will fit me and the girls better even if he shopped alone. He loves shopping. I can't outdo him when it comes to shopping. He is picky and fickle. He adores Louie Vuitton, Prada shoes..but he loved sports like basketball, He loved Robbie Williams like he cant get enough CDs of him but he worked in Italy so it might explain how he knew Robbie Williams... He smiled ear to ear and YES he notices everyone within range - even how someone walks, minute things that escaped my notice. He also seemed distant whenever we are together or alone together. He makes love with no foreplay. Like he is in a hurry - unless he was drunk. I used to get jealous when he looks at other girls when we are together but I guess he was just faking it or times he spends more outside our home with his straight friends. He had numerous girlfriends before but none lasts more than a year, usually a month or two . Some girls are falling for him and twas the reason I broke with him, but a year later I received news from land afar that people there knew he was gay as he behaves like one over there and they didn't know he is married and have kids. he plays the playboy in the mainland. Still closeted. Now that I am looking at him from a afar, I would say he is gay. I feel cheated.

    • profile image

      MetalBitch 5 years ago

      Hehe the part about music makes me laugh. I am lesbian and I do love my heavy metal. I used to get into fights with my gay friend all the time over music because all he wanted to listen to was techno and I was like 'turn that crap off please! I can't take it anymore!' Other than that we were pretty good friends.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 5 years ago from San Francisco

      @ What?!:

      1. You might have missed the "(Take it for all it's worth--I'm just having fun here)" at the top.

      2. I'm gay.

      3. Take a chill pill.

    • profile image

      What?!?! 5 years ago

      I'm shocked that they would allow such homophobic, anti-gay and just down right mean trash like this article on a gay site. Are you joking, or do you really believe this insulting narrow minded bigoted opinions you are writing? I do agree that some of your statements can be generally true in countries with very low education levels and extreme macho / feminine stereotypes and a high homosexual suicide and murder rate. But in countries with gay marriage, a higher quality of life and equality of the sexes, there are very few differences between gay and straight men.

    • janikon profile image

      Stuart A Jeffery 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      I just about died reading this, it was pretty funny because the formal name things is very true, I've found. Where I am gay and don't mind nicknames, there are some gay men I have met who are vehemently against it. To the point where they correct you if you look like you're about to give them one.

    • SeamlessDestiny03 profile image

      SeamlessDestiny03 5 years ago from Chi-city

      OH and I will never go by "Chris." :-P

    • SeamlessDestiny03 profile image

      SeamlessDestiny03 5 years ago from Chi-city

      You forgot the vegetarian food and the beaters for the ladies!

      Ha! This is funny. Although I don't really fit any sort of stereotype, this is like 70% true :) I love my steak rare, walk like a straight girl, and wear my clothes to fit well!

    • profile image

      Anonymous 5 years ago

      Thanks for being one of many who prejudged people according to what they LOOK like as to what they do in the bedroom. Who knew that being gay was so much more about style than anything else?

    • profile image

      Armani 5 years ago

      I have to disagree with the formal name one. I changed mine from Alexander to Armani.

    • profile image

      Ace 5 years ago

      I'm an ace female and with the exception of the clothes and the fact that I'm tech-dyslexic, I also have a slightly wider musical taste than the butch stereotype but I fit many butch lesbian stereotypes.

      Now it suddenly makes sense to me what the other kids (yes, teenagers are still kids!) in high school were trying to do when attempting to interact with me; They were trying to asses if I was lesbian and I'm sure they wrongfully came to that conclusion, not that I care because I'm not only ace but also completely oblivious and that's okay with my gay friends who are too self absorbed to care what anyone else thinks. Okay, not all of them are, that's another stereotype.

      I know I'm taking the above posts far too seriously. I also don't have a single picture of me smiling.

    • profile image

      stefb 5 years ago


    • profile image

      stefb 5 years ago

      this isn't true at all, a lot of straight guys look at people who walk in a room. if someone is in your prtiphrtsl vision you're more than likely going to look at that person.

    • EyesStraightAhead profile image

      Shell Vera 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      This was so funny. I had to test my knowledge with the quizzes you provided and found out I can spot a gay guy quickly but would have a best friend kissing me all the time and not even realize she is gay! LOL I guess that is good since I am heterosexual and would not end up with a gay man, but kind of sad for the females who would probably think I am gay since I never smile, wear baggy clothes, and pout in my picture...oh, and let's not forget listen to country. Hmmmm... As far as the poster who asked about articles with masculine guys who happen to like guys, I have several gay friends and a few of them are not ones that pop up on most "gaydars". They are very masculine, enjoy 'manly' things, wear regular fitting clothes, and are not even the slightest bit metrosexual. In fact, unless you shop with them (they know exactly what to suggest to wear) or talk to them about their sexuality you would never know. I think it is harder to write a serious article about identifying the masculine gay men because they are harder to spot. Maybe you should write one so we have one to read?

    • profile image

      TheSickRomantic 5 years ago

      Lmao! Omg! This shit is for real! ...i just found out some stuffs about myself i don't even know but just realized i actually do them.

      I mean am lipgloss lesbian, and used to think i knew all there was to know about lesbians, i mean my gaydar is onpoint, i could tell if a girl is bi, lesbian or just curious, by just spending an hour with her. Am THAT good, and then am really cute so girls ALWAYS like me.

      This article is really good though! U got me hooked with the gadgets and pictures part.

      Nice one! (Y)

    • calpol25 profile image

      Callum 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner)

      Your welcome Livelonger and thank you for responding too, I actually like being an exception to the rule lol :)

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 5 years ago from San Francisco

      There's an exception to every rule, Calpol! Thanks for your comment.

    • calpol25 profile image

      Callum 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner)

      Hi livelonger,

      Good hub, I am a gay man but having read your article I am not like any of those categories for gay men I suppose I am just different lol, however I know of a few people that do fit the profiles lol :-)

      Just for fun I have wrote below my answers to your topics and wondered what you would say people like me are?

      I take big strides in my walking as am 6ft 4ins

      I don't get distracted by other people

      I love nicknames - mine is calpol

      I don't wear tight clothes

      I love al sorts of music

      I always smile and never grin :)

      Lol I guess I am just a different type lol :-)

    • seanbateman9 profile image

      seanbateman9 5 years ago from NYC

      a few points are valid - Iam a bartneder for a living so each night I see hundreds of people...since chicks are always coming onto me Ill assume they're GAYdar if totally off since Iam Gay - and when a straight couple comes up to the bar - I always pay alot of attention to the guy even if I know he's 100 straight - straight guys love it !!! Iam like totally kind of coming onto the guy in an off hand kind of way - and they dig it but the chicks get so there are not quite sure what's happening but they just know Iam sending my energy to their husbands....its kind of funny - some women grab the guy closer almost like sub-cosciously and some totally know and stare me down like he MINE! bitch! but No Iam not a guy you could ever know was gay unless I told you and the funny thing is Iam totally out - and out loud man....the lesbians I have known have actually shortned there names like you say and yeah alof of gay guys will NOT shorten there names so that is on the money -- and yeah Gay guys are always checking everyone out....either for sex or for the hair - clothes and well just checking everyone out - and up and some of it is true...

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 5 years ago from San Francisco

      melbel: That is hilarious! I think developing good gaydar is just about practice. That explains why you're better at figuring out gay men than lesbians. I've known so many lesbians that it's almost second nature to me, but I have been known to miss a few and register some false positives, too. ;) Thanks!

    • melbel profile image

      Melanie Shebel 5 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

      I think I have really good gaydar (when it comes to men), but I grew up in a really gay friendly community. (And in all fairness, I'm a hag.) My best friend, who I've known since we were like 7 or 8 is gay and I think I knew he was gay even then. He was the coolest boy evar! I mean, what other boy played Barbies with me other than my brother flushing Barbie's head down the toilet?

      The only time I was way off is when my friend's friend brought one of his friends, Chris, over to hang out. I'd been told previously that Chris was gay. And I was really nice to him and after he left I was like, "Wow, he was REALLY nice." And my friend was like, "Yeah, you were kind of flirting with him."

      "No I wasn't!"

      "Well, yeah, you were and he said he's kind of into you."

      "What? He's gay"

      "Wrong Chris."

      With women, my gaydar is way off. I think like I can tell like woman are lesbians but don't realize it. A lot of girls in school came out years later and when I'd heard each one was gay, I would think to myself, "Well, that kind of makes sense..."

      AMAZING hub, by the way. I'm totally sharing it with a few of my friends.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 5 years ago from San Francisco

      That's funny, although sadly not true. If I had a nickel for every dumb gay guy I've ever met, well... Although as far as stereotypes go about gay men, that's about the nicest one I've ever heard!

    • Pcunix profile image

      Tony Lawrence 5 years ago from SE MA

      I did have a woman assume that I was gay or at least bisexual. A mutual gay friend snorted and said "Him? Not a chance. He's just smart. That's what confused you!"

      I thought that had some truth in it too :-)

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 5 years ago from San Francisco

      xethonxq: You're right. The femmes/lipsticks are much harder to distinguish from straight women.

      Pcunix: I can think of one thing about you that I'm very sure your wife is happy with and wouldn't want to change! Maybe she just wants you to go "metrosexual" (that 1 month phenomenon that occurred in 2004; the 7 year backlash continues)

    • Pcunix profile image

      Tony Lawrence 5 years ago from SE MA

      Hmm. So, based on this criteria, my wife has been trying to make me gay for over forty years now..

      Every one of those rules are things she'd LIKE me to do..

    • xethonxq profile image

      xethonxq 5 years ago

      This was awesome...I found myself smiling the entire time I read this because you hit the nail on the head with it...although I do have to admit that the lesbian one is very much about butch lesbians...just sayin' :)

    • profile image

      English 5 years ago

      WTF!! the lesbian one is a stereotype.

    • food4you profile image

      food4you 5 years ago from Oklahoma

      Good hub. But, maybe you should have also mentioned straight people who look like they are gay... According to all of your observations, I must be a butch lesbian. (Not)

    • Helengi profile image

      Helengi 5 years ago from London, England

      85% on the quiz. Totes gay! lol

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Haha, I'm better in general with girls than guys. Go figure! ;)

    • MelissaBarrett profile image

      Melissa Barrett 5 years ago

      Okay, I got 80 on the quiz and was better with the guys than with the girls. Awesome Hub :)

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 6 years ago from San Francisco

      justmesuzanne: Considering he's homophobic, and sounds like Corky St Clair from Waiting for Guffman, I would say he's your typical "closet queen."

    • justmesuzanne profile image

      justmesuzanne 6 years ago from Texas

      So what do y'all think of Michelle Bachman's husband?

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 6 years ago from San Francisco

      Out since 1991! Thanks for the comment. :)

    • peanutroaster profile image

      peanutroaster 6 years ago from New England

      Thanks for the insider information. When did you come out?

    • justmesuzanne profile image

      justmesuzanne 6 years ago from Texas

      I don't know if your observations are correct, but one time, I met a man in a coffee shop. We were sitting near each other and struck up a conversation. He was a regular looking guy who talked about his job as a carpenter. I thought he was attractive and interesting, and the minute he stood up, I KNEW he was gay. I cannot tell you how I knew. There was nothing overtly gay about this man, but I knew with absolute certainty that he was gay the very moment he stood up. We parted company and never contacted one another, so I've never been able to verify this, but I don't have to. I absolutely know that man is gay, but I have no idea how I know!

      Interesting article. Voted up and helpful! :)

    • CJamesIII profile image

      CJamesIII 6 years ago from Minneapolis, MN

      All of it true! LOL!!! It was the Robbie Williams reference that got me laughing out loud!

    • profile image

      Atma 6 years ago

      Only the smile and occasionally the awareness applies to me. I refer to people to whatever they introduced themselves to me and will only use their long name if they can't hear me or something like that. I don't care about nicknames, you can shorten or lengthen my name all you want. I'd say the best thing to look out for is the smile, straight people seem to have problems smiling.

    • Alexander Mark profile image

      Alexander Silvius 6 years ago from beautiful, rainy, green Portland, Oregon

      I was not aware of the skateboarder type of lesbian, except whenever I see girls dressed that way, it makes me want to puke. Sorry, you can probably tell I'm not "openminded," nor do I wish to be.

      All that aside, this was a really funny and insightful hub. I had to laugh at the new gay stereotype, it's so true. People who want to promote homosexuality (and every single human being should be treated with the same respect regardless of orientation), often like to point out that an apparently straight man might not be so no matter the fact he is married with children.

      Well, I love trance music and I'm not gay. I also cry at the movies and hate sports. So much for stereotypes, unless... maybe... I'm gay???

      Fun hub.

    • profile image

      Liz 6 years ago

      Ever since i came out to myself (i was hiding for years pretending to care about boys, hah, what self-torture), my gaydar has gone through the goddamned roof. I can spot all those closeted ones too. It's like I see them and I know what stage of closetedness they're in, because I was there too! My favorite, however, are the downlow men. I can spot them easy and always have the urge to tell their girlfriends/wives. I actually dated one of those. We had a good time together, but love was never part of the equation. It's funny the ways we find each other even when we don't know who we are.

    • mannyrolando profile image

      mannyrolando 6 years ago

      I believe this 99% accurate! Hilarious!!!

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      Nick 6 years ago

      Haha I am a closeted gay 20 year old and this describes me 100%! No wonder people ask me every now and again if I am homosexual, and why I get hit on my every openly gay individual. Love this!

    • profile image

      ganymede 6 years ago

      LOL, Very funny..! But actually, this is not real Gaydar. The author thinks these traits are subtle, but these are very obvious behavior that are consciously displayed by openly gay men and women. A gay man (myself included) uses his Gaydar to spot straight-acting closeted men who don't show any of the traits listed above. It's mystery why many gays have it, and most straights don't. I'd say it's resonance between same kind. When a "straight man" claims that he has a Gaydar, it makes me chuckle.... ;)

    • profile image

      mick 6 years ago

      well i have to say, i have a nick name of johnno, or mick but never am i called michael. i take big strides in my walk possibly coz im 6'6ish im not sure but do not take small strides. i do not like tight pants but tight tops i do like, i do look at most people in a room, i'm your more straight gay man, not that i hate those that are prissy or femanine but i would never be cought dating one, give me your tradie/footballer/metal worker any day.....

    • Otto23 profile image

      Otto23 6 years ago from Clarkston, Michigan

      haha this is awesome. Great hub page :)

    • profile image

      Albert 6 years ago

      Found the gaydar for lesbians:

      Please edit your article. You were looking for that in your article.

    • profile image

      Candice 6 years ago

      Funny - I'm a lesbian but none of these apply to me.

    • profile image

      Maryanne 6 years ago

      I have to rush and tell my gay neighbor I read this, because he is always having to point things out. I always wondered why he notices so much in the neighborhoos and I am oblivious. Poor man, I have been exhausting him with my questions about the gays and the lesbians, I get so turned around, especially about the 'queen' name, which I thought was a cross-dresser. But I died laughing when I read about the flag lapel pin, because I lived in D.C. in the 80's, and ran with a friend who worked with the Republican Senatorial Committee, Moral Majority, and all that. Well, it wasn't till years after I moved, I learned about some of them, through death from Aids, and stuff that has come out. I guess I must have been a 'beard', but I could be using that wrong. I sure went to a lot of dancing, and clubs, and had lots of fun, because I liked to dance. I even went to Reagan's innaugural ball, the most sought after one, with dress and everything provided. I didn't know what all those 'connections' were all about when this was offered to entice me to be a dance and date at these events. I mean I never expected anything different at the beauty salons, but, I loved to dance because my parents danced, and I could do all the jitterbug, walse, foxtrot, etc., so I guess I was a good beard. I guess the innocent ones are the best.

      The only thing I knew little about was the country western dances. They would drive up to Maryland, but they sure ran into a lot of their friends up there, and I never wanted to go back, I felt like a rag doll, so many people asking me to dance, all moral majority and republicans. I'm not a republican, just a girl that loved to dance.

      Still oblivious, but reading this was great. Don't get out much anymore. Have MS.

    • Surviving Florida profile image

      Surviving Florida 6 years ago

      not my like your article.

    • Surviving Florida profile image

      Surviving Florida 6 years ago

      LOL. Great article. As a lesbian or whatever I'm called these days, "futch",you made me laugh. You shouldn't worry about getting into trouble. I think I have a pretty good gaydar myself. The switch on my gun can also be moved from Gay to Confused/Closeted. It's a touchy subject isn't it. Keep it up! :)

    • profile image

      Jay 6 years ago

      Im gay.... And these arent facts. Lol

      I take long strides wen i walk and ppl always complain i walk to fast

      And im the least observant person in the world....

    • profile image

      mickeyblickey 6 years ago

      hahaha!!!!!!!!!! i ALWAYS ALWAAAAYS tell ppl i have excellent gaydar and it has never failed me yet. and i must say, these ponts you bring up are mos def on the money. they may not apply to all gay ppl, but if someone possesses them, they are gay. (NO MATTER HOW THEY MAY DENY IT!!) i laughed with each point i read. because i can totally relate to how my gaydar just GOES OFF when these things come into play. of course, there are also other EVEN MORE SUBTLE things that most ppl wouldn't even look for/notice. but thats what makes my gaydar excellent. hasn't steered me wrong yet.the problem comes in when i think of how loud the gaydar siren goes off when my female friends' bfs come around...uh boy..

    • K9keystrokes profile image

      India Arnold 7 years ago from Northern, California

      livelonger--You are hilarious! I enjoyed your writing and fun spirited observations. As a Dyke who doesn't walk, talk or look like...well you get the point, I laughed my rear off.

      Thanks for a moment to laugh at our own expense and feel a warm poke-in-the-side over some real tongue-in-cheeky words!

      If you get a chance to read my hub, let me know what you think. Have a great day and keep writing!

    • profile image

      DaddyD 7 years ago

      Ya, I agree with Taeoh.

      I'm gay, but I much prefer going by a nickname, I only listen to screamo, and rock. And I NEVER smile in pictures.

      It's all just stereotypes.

    • profile image

      Taeoh 7 years ago

      I completely disagree with this article. nothing here applies to me. I have great abs and a size 34 waist. I'm 6'5'' so any smaller and i would look sick. As for music i listen to Rap and i mean luni coleone thug shit. I don't smile in pictures either, i prefer to mean mug. I also don't go by my entire name, why pronounce 7 letters when i can go by 3! lastly, i get into my gadgets. My i-pad is my new favorite toy. this hub needs some tweaking!!!

    • profile image

      7 years ago

      leave it to me to fit all the lesbian stereotypes aw well who cares im already out and proud

    • profile image

      nix 7 years ago

      some of these are vast generalizations, mainly the ones that deal with preferences (music, clothes etc)- but the mannerisms are spot on. I'm gay and I never noticed before reading this that I ALWAYS look at everyone in a room, from one person to the next.

    • profile image

      jenny 7 years ago

      hi! this is so helpful i want to discover whos hiding in the closet among ny friends. thanks

    • profile image

      RaveeDior 7 years ago

      Okay, well, I am a gay man, and I found this article extremely generalized. What a person looks like, acts like, and talks like has nothing to do with who they are attracted to. I've known many guys who I had thought were gay, but they turned out to be straight and vice versa.

      -I have long legs, so I have long strides.

      -I do not smile ear-to-ear in pictures.

      -I do not prefer the long version of my name.

    • profile image

      dirtplay 7 years ago

      well crap I guess im either str8 or a lesbian, and to think all this time I "thought" I was a gay man. I am nothing like any of the "gay" charachteristics lol.

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      David 7 years ago

      I concur with almost everything but the nicknames part. I am so sorry, but WE DO LOVE NICKNAMES. Moreover, people be aware of the circumstances, everything varies upon each culture.

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      Person 7 years ago

      I'm gay, and yet I don't meet any of those qualifications. I wear baggy jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. My name is Ryan but I don't lengthen or shorten it. I smile in pictures, but not some weird demented Jack Torrance smile like the one that is described. And I hate the music that "All gay men like" So basically, you are full of shit.

    • profile image

      TreyTable 7 years ago

      This article is so out there. I listen to progressive rock and j-pop, I prefer baggy clothing over tight clothes, I never smile, and prefer short nicknames over my full name.

      What color is the sky on your world?

    • profile image

      Dean Adams 7 years ago

      really horrible article. I am a masculine gay guy, and struggling to find other masculine gay men.

      To best exaplin, I come across as the guys from brokeback mountain. I don't do any of the things that the article says, yet i am a gay man. I guess tehre are many gay guys out there like me who would be coined as str8, which is not correct because i am a masculine guy who just happnes to like other guys. No hard feelings, but I would be really happy if you wrote a more useable article about gaydar taht can help masculine gay guys who are searching for other men. Much appreciated - thanks.

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      Tom 7 years ago

      Wow. I get that you were just having some fun here, but this is so ridiculous, stereotypical and offensive.

      I walk like anybody else, I'm not ultra-aware of other people, I go by a nickname, I wear average fitting clothing, I like rock and folk and country, and I smile in pictures in a pretty typical way. I'm gay but I guess I wouldn't show up on your "gaydar"

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      MISS E KIWI ?! 8 years ago

      so i'm gay and this applied to me XD except sometimes i do walk like a girl =] also, i don't wear extremely baggy clothes because i like wearing stuff the shows my body although it could be that certain areas are so big i can't become "breastless" in a baggy shirt XP

    • Enelle Lamb profile image

      Enelle Lamb 8 years ago from Canada's 'California'

      What a great hub :D - certainly stirred the pot :D

      I took the gaydar quiz and didn't do too badly (guess I'm just not a good guesser LOL 70%) But it did show me that I know shit about women (something I have always known)!)

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      urimidden 8 years ago

      I just read some of the comments on here...HILARIOUS! Why do people get so offended? It would seem that if one is gay then they are already nearly forced to laugh at theirself. But maybe that is what causes much of the angst and sensitization. Refusing to laugh at one's self when necessary. I certainly know I enjoy the activity often.

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      urimidden 8 years ago

      Hilarious! And pretty much hits the bulls-eye. There are a few other things to consider though, and there are plenty of very tough, very large and nearly indistinguishable homosexuals out there that one needs to inspect very closely. If you have ever spent much time in Micronesia or Hawaii, then you know what I am talking about. It is amazing some of the huge Somoan and Tongan mahoo's calling those places home. They are as big as a house, but twice as "sweet", if you know what I mean. That is a place where you really learn to tune the gaydar extra fine, because far too many of them dance around in grass skirts, and hula efeminately like women, but they are not gay.

      So, does the gaydar go on tilt around the Keannu Reeves types? He's a ringer for sure. Yes ladies, disagree with me if you like, but he is certainly

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      padabe 8 years ago

      i like this girl buti can't tell if she is a dyke help!!!!!!!

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      Matt 8 years ago

      Also, i would go so far as to say unless you have a sexual interest in the person and are considering pursuing them, it most definitely is not your business. Even then if you aren't of the same sex as them, you only really need to know if they are interested in you.

      People are desensitized by the media and think they are asking a slightly personal question but let's put this in perspective.

      I don't ask married couples i see on the street if they practice sodomy.

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      matt 8 years ago

      These are so rediculous. These guidelines basically state every over the top stereotype that a person flaunting their homosexuality intentionally might display.

      Congrats, you wrote a guide on picking out someone who is intentionally trying to seem homosexual out of a crowd, or the over the top gay character in a movie/tv show. A hard task indeed.

      A Homosexual is a person who is aroused only by the opposite sex. It has less to do with your music taste and sense of style and more to do with what is going on in your pants.

      If you are reading this, please do yourself a favor and forget it as soon as you are done. The only reason most people probably won't view this as openly offensive and prejudiced is because it is a media hot topic and "acceptable".

      If the poster was writing a guide on how to pick out jewish people because of how stingy they are with money and from their curly hair this post would have gotten a proper response.

      If you want to know if someone is gay, ask them in a private setting. If you don't know them well enough to or would feel too nervous doing so, it is likely none of your business.

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      Kaylee 8 years ago

      The look of lesbians has totally changed, and FEW fit these generalizations and stereotypes you have applied and in fact I kind of find them offensive.

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      Rachel 8 years ago

      1. You wrote this article based on common stereotypes,

      2. I LiVE in Michigan, thanks a bunch!!!,

      and 3. What the fuck.


      you suck. im sorry. but im almost offended . unless you are kidding. then its funny. but if you're really serious. i think you`re an idiot.

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      WTF BBQ! 8 years ago

      I can relate to some of this but otherwise it's unlike me.

      #1 I'm not sure if I relate to this one or not, I meen my leg is pretty beat up cause of cancer and numerous surgeries so I can't run real well or stride or whatever.

      #2 Ok this I can relate to but it's common sense I would assume

      #3 Well usually I get called by my real name and I can or can not get embarresed by nicknames, I mean come on Logie sounds to kiddish while Logan sounds fine

      #4 I like baggy clothes, they feel comfortable

      #5 I like listening to Linkin Park and Red and all of that stuff so this is something I disagree with

      #6 I HATE photos! I'm camera shy so I really don't like pictures and if I get one taken I usually don't smile

      Another thing, I'm young and yet on a gaydar test I did 75% better at picking out gay people from straights than all other test takers, in fact I'm 12 so meh that can also be untrue, I guess it depends on if ur a good guesser XD but then again it might have been easier for me cause I'm gay. *shrugs* I'm not sure...

    • profile image

      mc 8 years ago

      Oh no, there seems to be no room in the world for a gay man stuck in a lesbian's body...

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 8 years ago from San Francisco

      Zi, have you learned nothing from my tips? You can't necessarily tell by their interests and dress anymore. Reread my gaydar secrets above and pay attention to the more subtle cues.

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      Zi 8 years ago

      Ok I have a question. This may sound really dumb but I just can't figure it out. There's this guy I know, he's an artist. he comes across as very gay. Once he even wore a really tight shirt that sort of spread out around his stomach. He always shaves his hair off, and wears flip flops, once he wore pink velvet sneakers with matching pink velvet jacket, and he is sensitive. He goes to our local gay events...organised by the gay society. AND he researches exclusively gay history as a lecturer!!! Now he MUST be gay. But rumours were going around that he "definitely has a girlfriend". I don't want to ask, him! What do all think? Is he trying too hard to come across as gay? Is he bisexual? Or just bi- anal??!! im confused

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 8 years ago from San Francisco

      No, I didn't feel you were attacking me! I answered your question. If I had felt it was an attacking question, I would've simply deleted it. :-) Yes, fortunately, my family and most of my friends have been very supportive. Nowadays, it's rarely an issue for me in my daily life, although you still have to be a little discreet.

      The Chinese symbol in my avatar means "mist." It's my I Ching symbol. :-)

    • countrywomen profile image

      countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

      Livelonger- Thanks for educating me. I hope you didn't feel that I was attacking you in anyway. It must have been tough to keep it all within yourself since childhood. I hope your family and close friends were supportive of your disclosure.

      Btw this is separate question: What does that Chinese (or excuse me if its any other oriental language) symbol mean in your avatar?

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 8 years ago from San Francisco

      countrywoman: I accept all questions that are genuine and come from a position of curiosity, and not a thinly-veiled way of attacking someone.

      I personally have been gay since I can remember: it is a fundamental orientation, and not a preference I developed. Pretty much every gay and lesbian person has said the same to me. I didn't have any bad experiences with either men or women - that is a myth. You really are born gay/lesbian. The only reason people "come out" at different times is because different people feel comfortable expressing their true orientation at different stages. I came out when I was 17, but, like I said, I knew since I was a child.

    • countrywomen profile image

      countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

      Livelonger- I expected this hub to be about some new technology like Radar(since I am an electronics engineer was curious). But never the less I read it and discovered what this was about. I will accept that I have very little exposure or interaction with people who like others of the same gender. As you said it is easier to recognize guys who seem feminine and woman who seem masculine but in a couple their would be the counterpart which would be the one more difficult to recognize. I also have another question but this is a bit more personal and you are free to ignore this one if you don't want to answer it. At what age or time frame do the people who like the person from the same gender mostly realize about this? Is it by birth or due to some bad experiences one seeks comfort in the company of the persons from same gender.

      I do apologize for asking this question and face to face I would to be too shy to discuss this with anyone hence asking here.



    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 8 years ago from Madrid

      Hi livelonger! I'm catching this kinda late after the fact, just joined recently, but wanted to say it gave me a good laugh. Thanks!

    • summer10 profile image

      summer10 8 years ago from my happy place :)

      What do you think of Whoopi Goldberg... To me she screams lesbian and for someone who seems so comfortable with herself has yet to "come out"... Great hub though, sparking interest and comments is the best compliment.

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      abcdefghi123 8 years ago

      Your post was the first that I've seen about a prevalent sterotyping in this country, since the 90's. I disagree with #1 and #2: This depends on whether an individual went through school in sports (where long strides are needed), or the marching band (where the typical 8 to 5 stride is common). The "noticing" of people in a public place can be confused with people who are schizoaffected or paranoid. Although, men are not as picky about women - sterotyping has made in almost impossible for some heterosexual men to mate, where the women in this country have censured men based on "gaydar". Medications such as Risperidone can affect the gait of heterosexual people as well. In addition, the false-gaydar has affected job prospects, etc.

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      Anthoni 8 years ago

      I am gay and the only one that fits is the full name thing. Also, half the people I meet assume I'm gay, but the other half seem to KNOW that I'm straight, so either gaydar exists as something else (I would NOT have it) or I'm just weird. I like the page though.

    • joblot profile image

      joblot 8 years ago from Ringwood

      All this body language stuff is great! I suppose this is how it's possible to tell when someone is gay and hasn't worked it out for him or herself yet.

    • VanBergen profile image

      VanBergen 9 years ago

      OMG. I can't believe this is an article. I love freedom of expression. Keep it coming!

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      Kayla Vettese 9 years ago

      i think this is really help full and infomative.

    • bspilner profile image

      bspilner 9 years ago from Altanta, Ga.

      I thought my gaydar was on target but this helped mine out. Mine was all about just go for who looks like they fit the part and assume they're gay. I think I the one where they look at everyone possible it right on from watching some of my friends. The best is when you see a strait guy talks about a more sensative male and that sensative guy ends up having the hottest girl in the place. I am strait and I get the biggest kick out of that because guys are so quick to judge. Very interesting - great write up.

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      lucky 9 years ago

      Sorry about the comment before I wasn't sure if my comment would come up and it would be perrty pointless if I wrote a lot and would not even come up.

      My name is Amelia but a lot of my frends call me lucky. I got my nick name becues I kept loseing a lot of bets at one point. Alot of times Lesbains give nick names to there girlfrends becues thir parntes don't know. We don't do it cause we want to we do it to proctect our self from haters.

      I do lissen to havey mteal. But that the thing IM

    • Maddie Ruud profile image

      Maddie Ruud 9 years ago from Oakland, CA

      Re: Relache's comment some way up. I've actually been told by a friend that I am a gay man in a woman's body. No joke. Another one of my friends calls me "Queenie" for precisely the same reason.

    • profile image

      seacrest 9 years ago

      Chan says:6 months ago

      My gaydar goes off for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (Kid from Third Rock from the Sun, and the movies Brick, Latter Days, Manic, and Havoc)

      Anyone else?

      OMG, Chan! Absolutely! There was a magazine spread recently (Vanity Fair I think) where he was posed in some very suggestive pix with Claudia Schiffer. She was smokin hot...made up to resemble Brigitte Bardot. He looked like he would rather be anywhere else. My gaydar went off right away.

    • S-Cast profile image

      S-Cast 9 years ago from Laurinburg NC

      haha! hilarious dude, and so true lol

    • Constant Walker profile image

      Constant Walker 9 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

      Only matched one: #2.

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      flayed Hypatia 9 years ago

      Hmm. So when I was pretending to be an 'ex gay' (to make my church peeps happy), I used my whole name, which is ten letters long. Like a gay man. I hated to have it abridged in any way. Then when I went all professional, I simply had my students call me my initials, since I don't like any other nickname derived from my name. Like a dyke.

      I don't swagger, but I do--what did you call it?--work it, I think. Strut? I loathe country music, gas-guzzling vehicles (the bigger the worse), heavy metal and having my picture taken. I love Europop (even the group by that name), trance music, and people watching. I'm a huge people watcher. When I was in my 20s (in the early 90s), I wore really tight clothing, as did my girlfriend.

      On the other hand, even when I was going through that 'ex gay' phase, it seemed I set off every gaydar in the region, so I've clearly got that certain special something. But then again, I've always been cryptic as to what it is about me that makes me so lez.

      Love the posting.

    • donnaleemason profile image

      donnaleemason 9 years ago from North Dakota, USA

      LOL. and I thought Richard Simmons was married.

      Now I am gonna have to go and change my comfortable working around the house shirt or someone's gaydar is going to go off. Haha.


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      nikyle 9 years ago

      you may be right in some points but i guess there are no typical stereotypes for gaymen or gay women. i can certainly see cross-overs with your criteria. it's really hard to pin-point if one is gay or lesbian. bottomline is - you really have to see them doing what a gay or lesbian usually do, meaning when two guys or girls do it. lol

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      I'm not a psychologist but I think actually withholding affection from your children makes them crave it even more as an adult. It sounds like he is affectionate but not in a sexual way. And giving him the tactile attention that every child needs is probably a good thing since his mother doesn't give that to him. He could be gay - would that really be so horrible if he was? If he is gay, TRUST ME, there is nothing you can do about that. You can only choose to be a loving, accepting parent, or not.

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      shady 9 years ago

      I am worried about my son. His mom is very unaffectionate so he looks to me for affection which I give to him. Kisses hugs snuggles an I love you. I am worried that this could cause him to have same sex attrction. DO you agree. Also he has a few cross gender issues. Like he loves ice skating but not basketball and has a feminine squeeling thing that he does. Although he also love guns and ninjas movies. DO I need to be soncerned??

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      Jen 9 years ago

      haha I'm a lesbian, but only "the walk" applies to me

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      page  9 years ago

      I know i'm a lesbian and most of these are right, I really must say it dose depend on the person. I am totally falling for this older woman who is "handy" and loves country very cowgirlish and is always commenting on how beautiful women are, but she says its not lusty some women are just beautiful and she believes in God. Sometimes she even makes comments about guys using words I would never use to hurt some one or call someone that name like (fag or fairy pervert) I would never say these to hurt someone only if i was joking, sometimes she takes it a little to far. I wish she would give in and kiss me.

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      bitv 9 years ago

      It's really hard to say with do you categorise androgony.

    • Shaddie profile image

      Shaddie 9 years ago from Washington state

      Oh crap I might be a lesbian.

    • Just Toyia profile image

      Just Toyia 9 years ago from Tennessee

      This was a fun read-...a lot of metrosexual men could set off the gaydar

    • Mystic Biscuit profile image

      Mystic Biscuit 9 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

      You are so right on!! :-)

    • profile image

      Michael Andrew 9 years ago


    • Brandy Owens profile image

      Brandy Owens 9 years ago from Wherever life takes me

      "Gay men dislike nicknames. Gay men want their name as long and formal sounding as possible, like they really want to reclaim the name their mothers called them when they were angry. It's much rarer to meet a gay Chris than a Christopher, for instance. It's never "Tom", it's "Thomas". And forget calling a gay man "Andy"--it's "Andrew", or, even better yet, "Andrew Michael".

      Conversely, lesbians will shorten their names to the most masculine sounding nickname possible. "Christine" is always "Chris", "Leslie" is "Les", and "Georgia" always ends up as "George" (no, I'm not kidding). If the name is impossible to shorten to a masculine-sounding nickname, like Jennifer or Virginia, then it's just a single letter: "J" and "V"."

      Not necessarily true! :P I have a few friends who are gay men, and they didn't abide by those guidelines. The one that I was friends with (and very flambuoyant, so that anyone who didn't notice must be both blind and deaf :P) is named Josh, short for Joshua. He prefers his nickname. :P

      A lot of these things would set someone's gaydar off with me. XD

      Great article. It was very interesting to read. :)

    • TexasLady profile image

      TexasLady 9 years ago from Texas

      I enjoyed this humor quite a bit! I hear Jodie Foster finally came out. I always thought she was such a cutie...

      Bet Hinckley feels like a dolt, though.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      Cheers, Bailey!

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      Bless your heart - most of the time straight men really go out of their way to prove they're not gay. You were trying to fit in but your straightness was probably just glaringly obvious to anyone with decent gaydar.

      Take heart - we love straight men who are comfortable enough with who they are to not constantly be obsessed with the worry that someone might mistakenly think they're gay. You're a rare breed! (although I have to say more common with younger and younger generations, who haven't been necessarily programmed to think being gay is so taboo)

    • Lowrychris profile image

      Lowrychris 9 years ago

      Very funny! When I first moved to LA, I lived out the tv show 3's Company, except I was a straight man who shared a house with 2 gay men, one out, and one in the closet. Well, his bedroom was bigger than a closet, in fact he had the master suite, but-

      Anyway, I partied with these gentlemen a lot (and I highly highly recommend it!) and everywhere we went, everyone knew I was straight, one was out and one was hiding (at least in the West Hollywood haunts we haunted). I could dance in the middle of the dance floor by myself or with a roomie, and dress in a similar black shirt, blue jeans combo, but somehow, I was always "in-ed".

      Now I know that I was giving off subtle vibrations. I called it moving to the beat, and never listned when people told me I can' t dance. Who knew I was broadcasting?

    • baileyedwards55 profile image

      baileyedwards55 9 years ago from San Francisco, California

      Ok...I agree with all your observations except one. I HATE country music and by the way the Dinah Shore golf thing and ANY women's festival, but I think the stereotype has some truth to it. The festivals are a lesbian mecca; a rite of passage. I prefer dance music, reggaeton and Latin jazz, and groups like Disturbed. Maybe that's heavy metal-ish though. Love the Hub.

    • Ralph Deeds profile image

      Ralph Deeds 9 years ago from Birmingham, Michigan

      I'm pretty sure retired Brigadier General Keith Kerr didn't offer many of the clues during his 45 years in the Army 

      Don't ask, don't tell

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      ink 9 years ago

      Good for a laugh... thanks.

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      Black_crown 9 years ago

      Hmmm....Lol...As a REAL GAY MAN, I think ur Gaydar line-up though very nice for looking up whilst ur bored and sipping a Cuppa, has ABSOLUTELY MISSED THE MARK,

      As a Gay man, am extremely straight-acting, so much so that my mates often think i have an eye for chatting up the girls...Livelonger, this is what we gay men call wearing a beard! And believe me Most gay men wear beards so well that it wud be ludicrous to propose one is gay just by merely watching him take short-strides on the street...Bullocks, matey!

      Am a stocky-chubby lad, very masculine looking, I swagger with the sway of a bodyguard - some of me mates actually call my walks soldierly!

      I hate attention...I have a cute arse, but wud rather wear nice baggy/airy clothes to deflect any unnecessary attention from any part of my

      My name's Antonio, but I believe it shows some sort o term of endearment if a mate of mine calls me Tony...I wud even prefer it! Antonio Alexander Graham Edward North? Oh, please - How Posh!

      Am very hairy, and i know a host of gay men who prefer their men with a hairy body, a moustache or goatie, wit a cockney accent that goes, "Fackin' 'ell!"

      However, I will give u credit on our general taste in Music - Apparently Dance, Hip/hop, RnB...Including House/Techno/Trance are a gay forte....My DAB Walkman is always tuned to Kiss FM...I go crazy over BootyLuv, Groove Armada, Her Majesties Madonna, Kylie, and Beyonce and any Single that has a Dance Remix 2 back it up....Still, I do a very serious collection of records that would include Wycleff Jean, U2, Cranberries, Lauryn Hill, Tracy Chapman, Alanis Morisette, The Foo-Fighters, Sheryll Crow, Lenny Kravitz, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Will Smith, the Notorios B.IG.,Tupac u see, even a gay man's musical tastes can be quite eclectic!

      Point is, the only way u can tell if a man is truly gay is if he:

      1)Has the words or any other acronymn alluding to the term G-A-Y written across his tight pink tshirt;

      2)Lisps like a duck and says, "Bless, I need a cuppa Darling - am spittin' feathers!"

      3)Stares at u like sum sex-starved maniac for hours as u sit across him in the train like he had never sen your specie before.

      Oh, yes...and if he insists on kissing you on both side of your cheeks while keeping his wrists limp....

      ....Pretty Fuckin Stereotypical, isn't it?

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      Allie - I am gay and have spent more time in the Castro than I care to admit. :) There is something to be said about certain physical and behavior traits that we unconsciously pick up on and use to know that someone else is gay. If you have excellent gaydar and want to explain your secrets, by all means please share!

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      Allie 9 years ago

      Um, am i the only one who found this an unbelievably stereotypical? Spend some time in a gay part of town and you'll see our incedible diversity, your article is ridiculous! "Gay men grin from ear to ear in pictures...Lesbian's on the other hand, usually snarl"?! Are you serious? What teen spoof did you get this from? While some of these were indeed accurate, most were insanely old-fashioned! Come on, clothing size and musical preferences? It's 2007, not the 50's, ever heard of a lipstick lesbian/femme or butch gay guy before? Obviously not, welcome to the 21st century! Yes, like you said, they're supposed to be taken with a grain of salt, but honestly these genralizations only match about 50% of cases max. in knowing that one would be better off just not applying your rules at all because even after doing so you'd still be wondering "Gay? Or straight?"

    • profile image

      Ames 9 years ago

      If gay men don't like nicknames, how do we explain Andy Dick?

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      EA - You're right, but I would argue that a straight person shouldn't be offended if accidentally called gay, and people who are gay should just own it!

      Chan - I don't get a gay vibe from him but man, he sure is cute!

      Kasey - There is such a thing as a false-positive, but only you know if you're a lesbian or not.

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      Kasey 9 years ago

      god i hope this is a load of BS... if its not... we will just blame it on my dad... i grew up litsening to country and have always been a tomboy. I don't usually like getting my pic taken but if im fooling around with some friends im fine. i don't think i swagger but the other day someone accused me of walking macho. I never had a nickname but i guess its kinda hard to shorten my name...thank god!!! well... i guess 4 outa 6 isn't a total for sure that im les.

    • profile image

      Chan 9 years ago

      My gaydar goes off for Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (Kid from Third Rock from the Sun, and the movies Brick, Latter Days, Manic, and Havoc)

      Anyone else?

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 9 years ago

      Hi!! Enjoyed your Hub!! I assume it was written as comedy; there is always humor in grains of truth!! So, didn't stereotyping go out in the 1980s?? (or before??) Not all ethic groups are the same, not all blondes are the same, not all straights, bi-'s or gays are the same; people are unique individuals!! Could it be that our heads, hearts and souls contribute to the choices we make for whatever between-the-legs-anatomy with which we were born?? Could it be that those choices change as we evolve as individuals?? I hate to sound so PC but haven't YOU been surprised/shocked/dismayed at any time in your life for being put into a "box" that didn't fit?? I AM Earth Angel; Nun OR Pole Dancer!! You decide!!??

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      Paulie, well your gaydar must be pretty damn good. Picking up on those barely-perceptible "vibrations" that most of the world ignores is what makes for good gaydar. Provided you're right, of course. ;-)

      I've only noticed much older gay men thinking of straight women as competition. My theory is that they were of a generation where a man's sexuality was often in question, because it was so hard to be out of the closet. So a prospective mate for a woman could have also been a closet case, in which case he was a prospect for a gay guy, too.

      Nowadays, people are far more likely to be clear about which way they swing. Gay men shouldn't feel (and most of the time, don't feel) competition from straight women because they're after different men. Sure, there's the occasional bisexual, but one that swings 50/50 in both directions is really a rare breed, isn't he?

      Remember that the stiffest competition for a gay man is another gay man. You might be surprised how bitchy gay men can be towards each other when they're vying for the same prize!

    • Paulie profile image

      Paulie 9 years ago

      Sometimes you just know. This happened 3 times when I was watching three actors that I later learned were gay or who came out years later.  The first time was in the movie, "Pillow Talk" when Rock Hudson and Doris Day were, well laying on a pillow talking and he was hitting on her and suddenly it hit me, he was mouthing those words he had no idea what it was like to love or have sex with a woman.  The second time, similar situation, except, this time it was Mr. Brady and Mrs. Brady sitting up in bed reading books.  Mr. Brady starts hitting on Mrs. Brady.  Again mouthing the words.  He wouldn't know pu$$y if it walked up to him and smacked him in the face (Do I have to say "The Brady Bunch"?)  Again, years before he came out.  Last one was that character on Frazier that was supposed to be a big woman chaser.  I forget the character's name (Bulldog?), but the actor is short, bald.  He's over at Frasier's apartment supposedly salivating over some woman and bam, it hits me.  He doesn't know anything about pu$$y either. 

      It was weird I suddenly got the impression they were saying the words in the script phonetically like they had no clue how to talk to or about women. 

      Is this weird also?  Years ago I lived in San Francisco and either gay men really liked me or saw me as a threat(!?)  I remember standing on a curb in the Castro District telling my mother that I had noticed this several times.  When a gay guy walked up to me looked me up and down and called me a b!tch! And kept on going as though to illustrate what I meant.  Too funny!  Okay another story.  Big Halloween Parade in San Francisco.  I mean Halloween to Gays is like Christmas to Christians, I guess.  Me and my boyfriend go to Castro.  I am supposed to be some sort of punk rocker, but I really look like a gay man dressed up like Diana Ross doing drag.  So all the gay guys think I am a couple with my boyfriend who was really cute with green eyes.  I am getting all these b!tchy comments, but when they turn around to give one last zing, they notice my hips and rear are a woman's and I get a lot of "You go girl's" before it was in style. 

      Anyway, me, competition???  So the question is do gay men find certain straight women as threats.  And why?

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      livelonger: like a good gay, I arrived late to this party to make an entrance, okay, not really but just read this hub and it is fabulous! You hit everything right on the head (oops) and I love the controversy you started with some of your commentors - "I'm a #1 but I'm definitely not a #3..." Gaydar be damned, you've let all the secrets out now! Watch your gay membership card doing things like that :)!

    • Gwensgifts profile image

      Gwensgifts 9 years ago

      With many gay and lesbian friends, I'm not sure I agree with this totally but perhaps it's a good "start" for someone who wants to know if someone is homosexual. They seem to forget that not all gay men are femme acting and not all lesbians are butch. Otherwise, I appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      dreadpal: Living in the Castro must have been a great opportunity to observe the native species in their natural habitat. (wink!) I think Ani Difranco is not lesbian but has a huge lesbian following.

      Angela: Yes, exceptions abound, but following these rules will definitely help you a majority of the time. ;-)

    • Angela Harris profile image

      Angela Harris 9 years ago from Around the USA

      I am around gay guys pretty often (and the occasional lesbian). In high school, one of my close friends was a gay guy. I would say that these Gaydar rules are pretty accurate, but there are the occasional exceptions.

    • dreadpal profile image

      dreadpal 9 years ago from Boulder Creek

      Great post. My wife and I lived in the Castro for about five years and I think you have perfectly summed it up. And, as for Robbie Williams et al, yeah, an artist can become a gay icon without being gay. Lucinda Williams has a huge lesbian following but is clearly not gay. Though, maybe she's bisexual. Who knows?

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      The workit walk is different from the butch swagger. It's hard to describe exactly how, but I think the former has a bit of bounce while the latter is a bit more side-to-side action.

      And Robbie Williams is not gay. Really. My gaydar consistently registers a straight signal, despite his popularity among gay fans.

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 10 years ago

      LOL this is GREAT!

      I think my walk is halfway between long strides and short steps. I like the WorkIt walk - makes me feel taller somehow. I also snarl or pout in all pics (if I know they are being taken). Defo not smiling in my photo here!

      Does that make me semi-bi? Would explain a lot, lol!

      And I love Robbie Williams, even if he *is* totally gay and oh-so-camp. (Has he come out yet???) Ok, maybe he's not. I'd do him, regardless. ;)

    • profile image

      Jake 10 years ago

      Gay here...I found your article amusing, though they don't all apply to me. But, I take this with its lighthearted intent that it was written...or am I wrong and there is scientific evidence to support your conclusions? I do look all around when I walk in a restaurant and glad to know it's not just me. Although I would love to wear size 32 pants, I have better sense than trying to squeez my 38 waist into them. And the music was on the right track, so to speak, but you forgot about the diva's...diana, barbra, madonna, etc. etc.

    • Guru-C profile image

      Cory Zacharia 10 years ago

      Finally, a guide!

    • manfred profile image

      manfred 10 years ago

      I am a gay basher,that's why I play golf----to get my knickers in a twist.

    • profile image

      Wyte_Boi 10 years ago

      Ok yeh you are an idiot!! I am gay and I don't take short strides, I don't wear tight clothes (I love my baggy clothes, fuck style) I also don't mind my name or whatever people want to call me. and yeh your music preferences for gays are way off!!! I love country and boyfriend loves spanish and rock!

    • discojunkia profile image

      discojunkia 10 years ago from penhold

      This soooooo true very scary.

    • Damia profile image

      Damia 10 years ago from Kuala Lumpur

      I love the article. It's a shame that Portia de Rossi is a lesbian, though. She's damn hot!

    • profile image

      Morgan 10 years ago

      Dude this is scary. I think my husband might be gay!

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Oh, no, he's not gay. Neither is Jodie Foster. In fact, she's buddies with Mel Gibson ;-)

    • llongoria0 profile image

      llongoria0 10 years ago from SATURN

      oh, come on. Richard Simmons is NOT GAY. Really? ?? Is he? No one told Granny.



    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Depending on what you're using it for, gaydar or even "gaydar rules" are meant to be taken with a grain of salt. These are just the result of my own personal observations. I have noticed that with younger people, it's getting harder and harder to tell gay people apart from their straight counterparts. But I wouldn't want anyone to take this too seriously (especially gay-bashers looking for their next victim)!

    • profile image

      Jonas 10 years ago

      Smartie: lol!

      I'm always taking "these people are like this and that" with a grain of salt. This was kindof fun and about half of it fitted on me. But you were basicly saying that lesbians are just a female version of straight men. Oh well, as this was probably mostly for fun I don't want to be to pestimistic ;)

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Well, every rule has an exception... ;-)

    • SkiffyinaJiffy profile image

      SkiffyinaJiffy 10 years ago from USA

      Thats not really true of what u said about gay women not smiling in cameras, now i smile because i recently took pics of myself smiling, but before i didn't smile because i thought i looked no that aint true.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Smartie: you're just a surly gay man ;-)

      Relache: There's a reason gay men and straight women tend to get along...

    • relache profile image

      Raye 10 years ago from Seattle, WA

      Based on how I match the rundown, I'm a gay man in a straight woman's body.

    • profile image

      Smartie 10 years ago

      OH NO !

      According to this I'm a lesbian in a gay mans body ! (grin).

    • manfred profile image

      manfred 10 years ago

      I am gay too.

      But a hetro let me astray in the hay on gay parade day.

      Now she is 3 months from delivering a crying assay :)

    • profile image

      wtf 10 years ago

      I'm gay, but 3, 4, and 5 do not apply. I don't pay any attention to my stride so 1 may or may not be accurate. 2 is the closest this comes to being right, but even then it's certainly not universal.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      I'm assuming the bisexual & straight women were relatively feminine, and the other lesbians she wasn't interested in were butch? Sometimes an "opposites attract" phenomenon exists in the lesbian/gay community, much like it does among straights. It sounds like your coworker was a butch who liked femmes.

    • profile image

      Mark O'Neal 10 years ago

      I used to work with a nice young lady who once had long hair and beautiful complexion, but she wore baggy clothes and she walked like a guy. Then out of the blue, she came to work one day with practically all of her hair shaved off and she began wearing men's clothes. She dated bi-sexual women and straight or bi-curious women, but not other lesbians.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      You mean like Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche? Or like Melissa Etheridge and Julie Cypher? I believe I've answered your question. ;-)

    • profile image

      Mark O'Neal 10 years ago

      Interesting hub. What's your take on 100% lesbians and bi-sexual women as couples?

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you, Ralph. I saw "Shortbus", too. Although plenty of gay men are invisible to gaydar, lots of others display pretty subtle signs that they are. #1 and #2 can draw a fine line between gay and straight. Also, it's pretty rare for a gay man to go long without a haircut, while straight men can sometimes go without for months. ;-)

    • Ralph Deeds profile image

      Ralph Deeds 10 years ago from Birmingham, Michigan

      Your points may be valid for out-of-the closet gays. Others strike me as much less obvious. I saw a movie that attracted a lot of gay men last weekend ("Shortbus"). At least I assumed they were gay because many of them were sitting two by two as couples. I was curious about them and observed as many as I could on the way out and on the sidewalk in front of the theater. Nearly all of them were indistinguishable from other men on the street. The theater was in Royal Oak, Michigan, a Detroit suburb. In our area there may be as many gays as in other communities, but not as many openly gay men. At least that's my impression as someone without pretensions of special knowledge on the subject.

    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you. I've never seen the show. (I saw your hub, though) The only big closet case that I know from TV I've watched recently (on DVD) is Kimmie from the Anna Nicole show, but then again, that should be obvious to anyone. ;-)

    • traffexone profile image

      traffexone 10 years ago

      The GayDar, great article. Did the GayDar go off for George on Greys Anatomy?

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