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Gender Politics: Desperate to Procreate

Updated on May 22, 2016
social thoughts profile image

I have a B.A. in English with a minor in Gender and Sexuality Studies. I've been a Goth since age fourteen, and a Pagan since age fifteen.

It Began with an Acquaintance's Facebook Status.

A lesbian in her early twenties announced her desire to become a parent in the next few years. Her sexual orientation nor her intent is the problem. It is how she plans to attain her goal that bothers me. I don't recall every single word of the status, but I do remember those of her main question: "How do I convince an attractive guy to do this?" The "thing" she wants to convince an attractive guy to do is donate his sperm.

The status itself was enough to enrage me, but seeing the many "likes" and comments of jokes was worse. I read the attempts by one or two of her friends to help inform her on their findings of how much it costs to use a sperm bank, and the procedures available. Her response was shock. She continued to declare a preference in finding an "attractive" guy to convince. Again, she asked, "How do I do this?"

Not only does she come across as far too immature for her age, but the way she sees the situation is entirely self-absorbed. What makes it worse is her total lack of consideration that one of her friends or someone reading her post could be a donor baby, a donor parent, or trying to get pregnant/have a baby, themselves, privately. For one, she thinks she's above having to pay for the same procedure millions of infertile and same-sex couples have willingly paid for to become parents, proving their unconditional commitment to a future little person. Two, the only importance concerning her future child is that the father be attractive. Three, she intends to manipulate a future father against his will.


If You're Against Men, You Aren't Feminist

I have always encouraged women to be independent. If you have read my articles, you know this. I am against marriage, as I feel it is a false sense of security, regardless of one's gender. I am openly feminist. Likewise, I am openly critical of any feminist claiming feminism requires the snuffing out of all men's power. Feminism is about gender equality, plain and simple. When I read that a young woman intends to deceive a man to give her his sperm, all because of his attractiveness, I couldn't help but be reminded of a stereotypical situation:

A guy with his group of friends discussing his difficulties of dating a prudish young woman, and asking how to persuade her to have sex: Perhaps, buy her roses and compliment her? Maybe, even use the old, "I love you" trick? He could try alcohol or even slip her a drug if need be, right? She is but a woman, not an equal.

I will admit that I doubt she would use a drug, since she made it clear she refuses to sleep with the father she chooses. Nonetheless, I do wonder how far on a psychological level this young woman would go to get what she wants.

The Definition of Responsibility

When I say I am against marriage, it is for more reasons than one. As mentioned, a major reason is society's belief that it promotes absolute financial and emotional security. I hate to disappoint the masses, spending their life savings on weddings, but unless it magically works out, it's a crap-shoot. It could go either way. If you want to get married: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I'm pro-choice. I don't think it is anyone's business what someone else chooses to do with their body. I don't feel abortion makes someone selfish; however, manipulating another person to impregnate you without being entirely honest about your intentions from the start is selfish, not only to the father but to the future child. If the pregnancy does make it full-term and grows up to understand how it was conceived, how would it be explained? I suppose it would go: "Well, mommy wanted you so badly that she found an attractive stranger/friend to trick into donating their sperm." I'm sure the child will take that sweet story well, or it could remain a deep dark secret or lie, really.

If someone wants to be a parent, that's great for them. If they do not have a partner to make it possible, they can complain about expenses, but that's all. They either want the kid or they don't. Once the kid is here, a free-ride isn't possible. They can't trick doctors, waiters, sales clerks, family members, and so on into giving them free things the way they tricked the guy into giving them his sperm. It's either take responsibility, now, or wait.

A Donor Baby's Story

Remember how I mentioned that perhaps someone who saw the status was a donor baby? I was referring to myself. Naturally, I can't speak for her other friends. My father is sterile and my mom used artificial insemination to conceive my brother and I. Unlike the person I have been writing about in this article, my mom's first concern was not that she have an attractive donor. First, they chose someone with a physical similarity to my legal father. It probably comes as no surprise. Second, he filled out several other forms such as his educational background and interests. Yes, believe it or not, more goes into a choice for a donor parent than just physical features and attractiveness.


What to Expect When...

On a final note, the way a child turns out is not entirely predictable. Just because someone finds an attractive donor does not automatically mean their child will be. Sure, there are higher chances of hair color, eye color, skin color, and whatnot; however, nothing is certain. Genes are a tricky thing. One never knows when an unexpected trait in someone's family will come through. What will one do, then? Reject the child for not being the image they wanted?

Maybe, she doesn't want a child. A child is a person, not an accessory. A child deserves unconditional love. Anyone too worried about expenses and physical attractiveness probably shouldn't bother trying parenthood.

© 2016 social thoughts


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  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 20 months ago from New Jersey


    Indeed. Superficial desires don't belong anywhere near the planning of children.

    Thank you!

  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 20 months ago from New Jersey


    Thank you. It means a lot to have your support.

  • social thoughts profile image

    social thoughts 20 months ago from New Jersey

    Venkatachari M,

    Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement.

  • billybuc profile image

    Bill Holland 20 months ago from Olympia, WA

    I didn't read the article or post you are referring to, but the mere fact that she is looking for an attractive male is a huge red flag to me. It sort of puts her priorities in a spotlight, doesn't it?

    The word "shallow" comes to mind.

    Happy Monday, Kailey!

  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

    A good intelligent hub. I agree, your acquaintance has the wrong idea totally. It would not be fair on the guy or any child that was born as a result.

  • Venkatachari M profile image

    Venkatachari M 20 months ago from Hyderabad, India

    You have discussed the matter so accurately and boldly. I also agree with your opinion and ditto everything.