- Gender and Relationships
Gentlemen: Let Me Whisper In Your Ear
The First Date
After interviewing thousands of men, I've come to the conclusion that when a man meets a woman for the first time, a number of variables stand out. These may be unique to you or not applicable at all (meaning you've got that covered; or think you do).
First of all, you are responsible for 50% of the outcome and she brings it up to 100%. The guys who tend to be successful are those who, throughout your first date, stand out in every regard. We're not talking about bragging but simple sharing, in a casual manner, illuminating truths about yourself. Continue to refer to her, while positioning her in the conversation to where she feels really good about herself and flattered to be with you.
Men typically form their impression of a lady in about two seconds; while ladies will collect data for maybe two hours before they form an opinion. The scales favor ladies, though it varies with age groups. So, let me share variables, which research indicates are influential on the first date. I've chosen to share these because they are fairly positive variables across the board.
Arrange a romantic location for dinner (candlelight preferred). A lady feels more comfortable knowing she's being perused in dim lighting.
Be a Gentleman
Open all doors. I tell my ladies not to get out of a car until he opens the door for her; and to simply powder their noses if he commits this etiquette faux pas. Eventually, he will open the door. Yes, he will.
A very nice gentleman client of mine (who was a bit lax in the manners department) was sharing with me what a great time he had on a first date. But, he said there was one strange observation he made. He leaned forward and said, "She sure powdered her nose a lot!" I whispered in his ear a few basics and bingo! They hit it off.
There's lots of courtesies that are pretty much expected, such as wearing suit coat or sports coat, standing—button—sitting—unbutton. Stand when she leaves the table to go to the powder room, which you have located for her, and stand when she returns. Call your wait person by name, chat a bit with them, and get your date to interact, also. Now you've experienced a threesome—probably your only opportunity of the evening to learn from her interactions (is she kind, fun, judgmental, curt?). Touch her ring, bracelet, or whatever she's donned for the evening and praise her for her fine taste. Use her name often. Early on, or even when you first meet, tell her, "You are beautiful," or some similar compliment.
Shake or hug? It's always acceptable to take her shoulders and pull them to your chest, release and smile. This can be an awkward moment, when we know the end of the evening is upon us.
Unless, of course, you want to spice this up a little, like play hopscotch, or dance anywhere, or play hide-and-go-seek in a public park with a prize for the winner. (Get him to carry your shoes!) There should be laughter and sprouts of bonding.
Fear unites us more strongly than joy . . . so visit a spook house. Have a spontaneous scavenger hunt with creative loot. Argue for the value of your stash. Walk around together, holding hands, retrieving your loot.
Now, this is a most platonic date and Lord knows you can heat things up.
By now she's established that you are handsome (in the dark), gentlemanly, smart. Ask her how she remembers her happiest moment, what and when her next one may be. Consider sharing moments or travels but very casually so as not to appear braggadocious. Hit the computer for a quick scan of her profession, hometown, favorite music and other anecdotal information before the date. Your Professional Matchmaker will help you with this. And smile . . . a lot!