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Gentlemen: Let Me Whisper In Your Ear

Updated on May 23, 2009
May I Whisper in your Ear?
May I Whisper in your Ear?

The First Date

After interviewing thousands of men, I've come to the conclusion that when a man meets a woman for the first time, a number of variables stand out. These may be unique to you or not applicable at all (meaning you've got that covered; or think you do).

First of all, you are responsible for 50% of the outcome and she brings it up to 100%. The guys who tend to be successful are those who, throughout your first date, stand out in every regard. We're not talking about bragging but simple sharing, in a casual manner, illuminating truths about yourself.  Continue to refer to her, while positioning her in the conversation to where she feels really good about herself and flattered to be with you.

Men typically form their impression of a lady in about two seconds; while ladies will collect data for maybe two hours before they form an opinion. The scales favor ladies, though it varies with age groups. So, let me share variables, which research indicates are influential on the first date. I've chosen to share these because they are fairly positive variables across the board.

Arrange a romantic location for dinner (candlelight preferred).  A lady feels more comfortable knowing she's being perused in dim lighting.

Romances blooms in candlelight
Romances blooms in candlelight
A man with manners
A man with manners
Wanna Play?
Wanna Play?
Dancing Anywhere
Dancing Anywhere

Be a Gentleman

Open all doors. I tell my ladies not to get out of a car until he opens the door for her; and to simply powder their noses if he commits this etiquette faux pas. Eventually, he will open the door. Yes, he will.

A very nice gentleman client of mine (who was a bit lax in the manners department) was sharing with me what a great time he had on a first date. But, he said there was one strange observation he made. He leaned forward and said, "She sure powdered her nose a lot!" I whispered in his ear a few basics and bingo! They hit it off.

There's lots of courtesies that are pretty much expected, such as wearing suit coat or sports coat, standing—button—sitting—unbutton. Stand when she leaves the table to go to the powder room, which you have located for her, and stand when she returns. Call your wait person by name, chat a bit with them, and get your date to interact, also. Now you've experienced a threesome—probably your only opportunity of the evening to learn from her interactions (is she kind, fun, judgmental, curt?). Touch her ring, bracelet, or whatever she's donned for the evening and praise her for her fine taste. Use her name often. Early on, or even when you first meet, tell her, "You are beautiful," or some similar compliment.

Shake or hug? It's always acceptable to take her shoulders and pull them to your chest, release and smile. This can be an awkward moment, when we know the end of the evening is upon us.

Unless, of course, you want to spice this up a little, like play hopscotch, or dance anywhere, or play hide-and-go-seek in a public park with a prize for the winner. (Get him to carry your shoes!) There should be laughter and sprouts of bonding.

Hide-and-Go-Seek
Hide-and-Go-Seek
Spook House
Spook House
Knight in shining armour
Knight in shining armour

Be Prepared

Fear unites us more strongly than joy . . . so visit a spook house. Have a spontaneous scavenger hunt with creative loot. Argue for the value of your stash. Walk around together, holding hands, retrieving your loot.

Now, this is a most platonic date and Lord knows you can heat things up.

By now she's established that you are handsome (in the dark), gentlemanly, smart. Ask her how she remembers her happiest moment, what and when her next one may be. Consider sharing moments or travels but very casually so as not to appear braggadocious. Hit the computer for a quick scan of her profession, hometown, favorite music and other anecdotal information before the date. Your Professional Matchmaker will help you with this. And smile . . . a lot!

A Woman in Love
A Woman in Love

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    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dr Nancy Kenyon,

      GREAT hub. Colorful and interesting from start to finish. With your natural talent, you should pursue novels or even screenplays. You are that good. I voted up and away. This hub is ready to fly. And I want you to check your fan mail...Im HONORED to be your fan and follower..if thats okay. Highest Regards, Kenneth Avery, from a rural town, Hamilton, in northwest Alabama that looks like Mayberry, the sweet town on the Andy Griffith Show. Peace and Welcome Home, USA Troops.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      coffeesnob,

      Thank you so much for your gracious compliment!

      N

    • profile image

      coffeesnob 8 years ago

      Dr. Nancy,

      Great Hub -going to read more. Everyhing you wrote in this hub can be applied throughout a married life as well. I've been married for 20 years and know how easy it is to stop doing some of these things - and how the reinstatement of a few simple romantic things can awaken a dead horse in a marriage. Thanks for writing - signing on as a fan! God bless

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Quilligrapher,

      Thank you very much for the affirmation!

      N

    • Quilligrapher profile image

      Quilligrapher 8 years ago from New York

      Good advice for singles and married couples alike! 

      Q.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 8 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Jill Fontaine,

      Thank you very much. Welcome to the hub page community.

    • profile image

      Jill Fontaine 8 years ago

      Such grat tips! A man can always use a little help ;) Thanks for the great read.

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      You are welcome.

    • Benjimester profile image

      Benji Mester 9 years ago from San Diego, California

      Yep, I'm doomed :) Just kidding. This is really good advice, I'm very glad I stopped by. It's so interesting to me that women take two hours to form an opinion of a man. I suppose that's to their credit, being much less shallow that men generally are. Thanks for sharing your craft!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      RedElf— Thank you, Thank you. I am surprised and thrilled to be nominated. But, you're right, I could use more visitors. So, spread the word! Thanks for coming.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 9 years ago from Canada

      congratulations on your nomination - would be nice if more guys and gals stopped by here for this info

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      men are dorks,

      YOU certainly don't look like a dork! It's rough out there all right. I hope I have been helpful in some small way. Thank you for encouraging me.

      Nancy

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      ripplemaker,

      I am so excited and happy! I can't believe it! Thank you so much for letting me know.

    • men are dorks profile image

      men are dorks 9 years ago from Namibia

      I'm new to the dating game, and its a nightmare... for sure gonna follow your advice...

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 9 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      This is an official announcement from the Hubnuggets Team: Your hub has been chosen to be one of the 15 Hubnugget Wannabes for this week! Yay…congratulations!!!

      This link https://hubpages.com/community/hubnuggets-your-vot... will take you to the hub where you can see all the juicy details about Hubnuggets, the other nominees and of course, where you can vote!!! The top 5 hubs with the most votes will get the chance to be part of the Hubpages newsletter. So click the link now and join the Hubnugget fun!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      1scottcarson,

      I am so glad you do! I'll try to come up with a few more tips soon. Thanks for leaving your comment.

    • 1scottcarson profile image

      1scottcarson 9 years ago from Austin, Texas

      I like it a lot! I do most of these items, but I'm always glad for a few pointers to "up" my game!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Trooper22,

      Thanks for the compliment! By now I think she needs to change her number. :-)

    • trooper22 profile image

      trooper22 9 years ago from Chicago

      Great advise Doctor! :)  You may wish to delete that reply with the PH #.  That person has given it out over the Internet.  Send her an e-mail as to why you deleted it to explain that it is in her best interest.

      Candie V wrote: "This is good! I have joined your fan club and waiting for Tom to clone himself for me.. There aren't many of the good ones out there (or at least where I am).. sigh.."   And here I thought it was me you were waiting for!  (sob)  But alas, I am married as well.  Good luck Candie!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Tom Koecke,

      There sure is!

      You are welcome. Thanks for stopping by.

    • Tom Koecke profile image

      Tom Koecke 9 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

      There is irony in the world!

      Thank you for the advice!

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Mr. Fuller,

      You and Linda are a fabulous couple. If only everybody could find the happiness you have. I really appreciate you taking a look at my Hub and especially for passing it on!

    • profile image

      ESTAN FULLER 9 years ago

      HI Nancy; very interesting I've forwarded to 2 of my old pilot friends. As you you know i'm still with wife #1 for 45 years so i will keep her. Estan Fuller

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Candie V— Thanks for joining my fan club! Maybe I can find another Tom for you! :D

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Gilda— So great to hear from you! You come t mind regularly. I'll be calling you! Feel free to email me privately.

    • profile image

      Gilda Santacana 9 years ago

      Hi Nancy,

      I tried to contact you but you must have a new contact number. Look forward to hearing from you. Have a great Holiday weekend!!

      Regards,

      Gilda Santacana

      (407) 234-2234

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 9 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      This is good! I have joined your fan club and waiting for Tom to clone himself for me.. There aren't many of the good ones out there (or at least where I am).. sigh..

    • Dr Nancy Kenyon profile image
      Author

      Nancy Kenyon 9 years ago from Orlando, FL

      So happy to hear about you and your wife! Best wishes!

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 9 years ago from Ohio

      When I first met my wife...I couldn't take my eyes or heart away from her, for even a moment. Still can't. You give good advice here. Thanks! :)

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