- Gender and Relationships
Get the Guy Review
Matthew Hussey is the hugely popular dating/relationship coach who was featured in the short-lived NBC realty show called "Ready for Love" and can be seen regularly on the Today show. "Ready for Love" is where I was first introduced to Matthew and his concepts about meeting men. At the time I was married and not really absorbing the information he was providing.
Fast forward a couple of years, now as a divorced woman over 50, and while driving to work I hear one of my morning radio stations introducing Matthew Hussey. He was promoting his book "Get the Guy". His beautiful British accent first caught my attention, but it was something he said that really woke me up.
They were asking Matthew about timelines regarding dating. He made a statement something along these lines....."If a guy asks a woman out on a date on Wednesday for the upcoming weekend, she shouldn't be available". He quickly added, "But not for the reason you might think." He went on to say that he wanted a woman to have such a full and exciting life that fitting him in with that short notice would be tough. He wasn't wanting her to play hard to get or to pretend she had plans when she really didn't. What I got from that was that women should be out having fun and men should only come along and add to that fun.
That was a big "ah ha" moment for me. I knew right then I needed to buy his book.
"Get the Guy" Book
I bought my copy of "Get the Guy" and had a tough time putting it down. It is filled with so much helpful advice. I'm one of those types that loves to mark in their books, so I have lots of highlighting in this book.
I'm going to share some of my highlights with you and give you my own comments about the ones that struck me the most.
Matthew's book is broken down into three main sections that are quite logical:
- Find the Guy
- Get the Guy
- Keep the Guy
Part 1: Find The Guy
"Finding a guy isn't just about finding a guy. It's about living a life that engages you at every level and by extension creates opportunities for you to connect with many people. Some may well be guys you date, and one may be the man of your dreams. The real benefit to the techniques I teach is that you will raise the level at which you live your life. Women who live passionate lives are inherently sexy and attractive". ---Matthew Hussey
How can you read this and not get excited about life? He was right and I knew it instantly when I read this. Finding the right guy is a matter of being so engaged with living an abundant life and mingling with a variety of people so that he can make his way into your existence. And what is the worst that can happen? You have a good time in the process!
Chapter 1-Put the Odds in Your Favor-this chapter is filled with ideas about getting out and meeting people and creating new habits. It's about making sure you meet more men on a regular basis.
Chapter 2-Being a Woman of High Value-this chapter is about being authentic to yourself and creating value for yourself that men will respect. He talks about independence, integrity and femininity.
Chapter 3-Get a Social Life That Serves Your Love Life-In this chapter he talks about networking and putting yourself into situations to meet more men.
Chapter 4-The Mindset of the Chooser- in this chapter he talks about turning the tables and women approaching men. He talks about how difficult it is for a man to approach a woman he finds attractive. When you approach a guy first you're giving him the opportunity to impress you.
Chapter 5-The Traits of Desirable Women-in this chapter he talks about core values and attributes such as playfulness and spontaneity.
Chapter 6-The White Handkerchief Approach-in t his chapter he talks about the "damsel in distress" approach and why it appeals to men. The video below captures Matthew talking about this at one of his seminars. He also talks about being gentle with men in the first 10 seconds of meeting them.
Chapter 7-From Great Conversation to First Date-the emphasis on this chapter is on making a connection with the guy. When talking to him do not treat it like a fact-finding interview. It should be more about finding out what his values are and all of the why's to what he likes and doesn't like.
Chapter 8-The Joy of Text-in this chapter he talks about how texting can add intrigue and interest.
Chapter 9-A Word About Online Dating-Matthew recommends that although online dating can sometimes break the ice, it should still just be a means to setting a real live date.
Part 2-Get the Guy
Chapter 10-The Ultimate Formula for Attraction-Matthew talks about the roles that visual chemistry, a perceived challenge and one's perceived value has to do with attracting a mate.
Chapter 11-A Word About Insecurity-This chapter touches on baggage, the things we think that matter,that do not and insecurity. Matthew explains that "men are not attracted to young women, they are attracted to youthfulness".
Chapter 12-The Art of Creating the Great Date-Matthew explains why dinner and a movie dates are not ideal for a first date. He explains why you must always bring your best self on a date and how the date is time to connect, not fact-find.
Chapter 13-The Sex Talk (Part I)-Matthew answers the question about how long you should wait before having sex. His answer might surprise you. He also talks about how to tell if the guy just wants you for sex and how to be an unforgettable woman.
Chapter 14-Stuck in the Friend Trap-Matthew explains how you ended up in the friend trap and how to get yourself out.
Chapter 15-Why Hasn't He Called?-in this chapter Matthew goes over some of the most common reasons women believe men stop calling and then also goes over the reasons men give for not calling.
Chapter 16-Premature Obligation-this is a short chapter, but one of my favorites. The most valuable sentence in this chapter says "A guy worth considering for a serious relationship cherishes you and if he cherishes you, he shows it. He must display these behaviors before you decide to chose him. Anyone else isn't the guy for you." Wow....powerful stuff.
Part 3-Keep the Guy
Chapter 17-How to Be the Woman of His Dreams-Matthew tells the five things that make a guy wild for his woman. This chapter provides some great insight into what makes a man cherish a woman and how to meet his needs as a man.
Chapter 18-Is He Mr. Right?-another chapter full helpful advice. My favorite line from this chapter is "Fall in love with the man in front of you, not his potential." I think many of us women tend to see men for their potential. Somehow they never quite live up to that either.
Chapter 19-What Guys Really Think About the C-Word-Matthew shares how men feel about commitment and why they might be hesitant.
Chapter 20-The Sex Talk (Part II)-this chapter is about body confidence, variety, openness, honesty, frequency, etc.
Chapter 21-If You Want Him to Commit-the big point made in this chapter is to not give him all of the benefits of a relationship before he commits to one. Maintain your standards.
Chapter 22-Love for Life
Get the Guy Live Event-Dallas, TX (03-02-14)
While reading the "Get the Guy" book, I would run across links to various videos Matthew has available online. More and more I saw scenes from his "Get the Guy" live tour. I decided to see if there was one coming soon near me. At the time I was looking I saw that one was coming to Dallas on March 2. I thought to myself, "the tickets are probably a couple hundred dollars". When I clicked on the link I was amazed to learn that the tickets were only $35. I bought two right on the spot. I didn't even know who I was taking with me yet, but I knew I had to go.
As I had been reading the book, I would share bits of it with my 21 year old daughter and she often saw the videos as I played them. Without hesitation, she said, "I'm going with you!".
On the day of the event, it had turned bitterly cold as we made the hour and half drive to Dallas. There were threats of icy weather to come, but we were determined to make this event.
A bit ironically I suppose, the event was held in a downtown Dallas venue known for hosting elegant wedding receptions. Chandeliers hung from tall ceilings and the typical white wedding reception chairs were lined in tight rows in front of a small stage.
We were held behind a tall curtain awaiting the ok to entire the room to find a seat. Several hundred women rushed the center of the room when the curtain was pulled back. We were lucky enough to find a seat on the 3rd row about 6 seats in from the center. We had a perfect view.
For the next four hours we listened intently as Matthew went over the material in his book, but in much greater detail, and often with interactive demonstrations. We had several opportunities to get up and move around to the beat of some great tunes. Matthew really knows how to get your heart pumping! It was quite a cardio workout, but you loved every minute of it. He just has a way of getting you to set aside your insecurities and believe in yourself while you are surrounded by women you are beginning to bond with.
During the four hours we could occasionally hear sleet hitting the rooftop and wondered what the weather was doing to the surrounding downtown landscape. When we left we discovered the roads and our windshields were covered in ice. The 1.5 hour journey now became a treacherous 4 hour journey home.
I'm here to tell you, Matthew Hussey's Get the Get Live event was worth every penny and worth the icy weather to get the valuable information Matthew has to offer. It has forever changed the way I see myself and the way I see men and relationships.
At the end of the event we were shown a video of what the Get the Guy retreats are like and offered applications to sign up for this event. This event was out of my price range, but I could easily see that it too would be worth every penny if you had the opportunity to go.
At a minimum, buy the book, see if he's coming to a town near you, and go! You'll be very glad you did.
You would be proud, Matthew. I am a woman of high value and have been putting my new knowledge to use. Thank you so much!
- Matthew Hussey - YouTube
Matthew Hussey, speaker and New York Times Bestselling author, serves as a matchmaker on "Ready for Love," NBC's innovative and dramatic new relationship sho...
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