- Gender and Relationships
Getting Married Young Can Be A Blessing
A Little Background
I met my husband when we were little, very little. I was around 5 and he was about 7. We didn't grow up together really but we did see each other at a family friend's house a few times a year. I remember being about 13 or so at an event, watching him play football with some friends, and I turned to our friend and said, "I am going to marry him". Now, at this point we rarely even talked so I was definitely reaching there but hey, something in me must have known. A few years later we started dating and we've been together ever since.
We got married when I was 19 and he was 21. We have a 2 year old and are coming up on our 3rd wedding anniversary.
Age vs. Maturity
I am so tired about hearing how I got married too young. Don't get me wrong, I know the statistics about divorce, I know several girls I went to school with who got married right out of high school and they're now single again, but, there is a difference between age and maturity.
Let's break it down this way, I know everyone has heard that girls and boys can be the same age but "boys will be boys", "they just aren't as mature yet", "they'll get there". If we can separate the difference in maturity and how it hits boys and girls at different times then surely we can all agree that it can hit an individual at different times.
Maturity has a lot to do with experience, character, and just the awareness of one's self. I grew up always wanting a large family. I wanted to be with my childhood sweetheart and I wanted to get married young. This is probably a fantasy that hits many girls at a young age and then probably goes away. For me, it never went away. It was always in the back of my head as I was doing things. I wanted to learn how to cook, how to clean, how to nurture and take care of people. I enjoyed the fantasy of being a wife and mother. When my husband and I first started dating I loved to take care of him. (Fast forward many years later and some of that has worn off). For me, I was always the "mom" of the group. I'd take care of people, make sure no one was doing anything too dangerous and I took pride in my title. I was always the "mature" one. In high school I thought about the future constantly. I was focused on college, budgeting, my goals and how to reach them. I spent a lot of time with my friends and an equal amount of time with my then boyfriend who lived an hour away. I was never into doing drugs or drinking or breaking the rules. To be honest, it made me nervous. I would go to parties, but I wouldn't drink. I'd be the one holding everyone's hair, getting them to bed, and making sure people were hydrated. I was prepared to settle down, even then. I'm not pretending like I knew everything there was to being independent, I still don't, but I had a firm grasp on reality. My husband was also the same way. He knew where he was going in life and he wasn't a partier either. We meshed really well in that aspect. We were always very open with each other. We had the same goals and drives in life. We wanted to end up in the same place 20 years down the road.
At 18 my husband had a full-time, well-paying job with no college debt. He went to work every day and worked hard for his money. He had graduated before me so he had a year of working before I went to college. I went to school to become a teacher and I stayed in the dorm my first year. Luckily, his job was right around the corner from my University so he ended up practically living in the dorm with me. It was at this stage that we truly felt some sort of readiness for marriage. We were going to school/work, we had our own space that we lived in together, we had a routine, we had meals together, we cleaned together, we were living the married life.
After my freshman year I moved into his house with his parents. We had our own space and again had routine. I can say that almost every single one of my friends would go out to parties, drink, forget about homework or even miss class to sleep in. I love them, but that is not something that would lead me to think "mature". We would get called the "old married couple" a hundred times but it really did suit us and we were happy with each other. At the age of 18 we had enough experience, knowledge, and self-awareness to show that we were mature and maturity isn't defined by a number.
What About Living Your Life? Or Dating More People?
I am living my life, and my husband is living his, we just choose to live our lives together. Since we've been together we have traveled, gone Zip-Lining, went to special events and shared these experiences with each other. We have also taken time to do things with our families. I have gone to Jamaica and Israel with out him. We are still experiencing the world, just because we're together doesn't mean we've shut everything out.
As far as dating more people, I don't need to and I don't want to. I've had many guy friends in my life and he's had many girl friends in his. There is nothing more to those relationships and I've never had the urge for them to be more. I found the person I want to be with and who makes me happy. Dating 20 guys versus 2 isn't going to make you any more sure of yourself. It's the connection you have that makes you sure.
The Struggles of Real Life Will Get To You
Yes, they will. And? Can anyone married in their 40's honestly say they've never fought with their spouse over money? We fight over money too but it's the way we get over the issues and communicate that makes the difference. We can talk about a budget, we can talk about our like and dislikes and we can compromise. Heck, tonight we spent 2 hours disagreeing on nightstands and beds because he likes one style and I like another. Disagreements happen, but that's what they are. It's not the end all. Before we got married we talked about kids, how we would want to raise them, religion, homes, jobs, money, all the good stuff. We knew who each other was and we accepted it. We ended up getting married while I was 6 months pregnant. We went through the struggles of a newborn and we are going through the struggles of a toddler but I couldn't imagine any better partner in life.
Why It's A Blessing
- We get to experience life together, with our best friend.
- We have someone to do the "little things" for. I make my husbands lunch and pack a sweet for him every day. When it snows, he always has my car clean when I get up in the morning.
- We get to grow up and old together.
- We get to partake in a true "love story".
- It's easy to move in together when you've accumulated everything together.
- When you've seen every awkward stage of each other's middle school years, you can communicate about everything.
- I will one day get to say "we've been married for 70+ years".
- You will never be lonely.
- You will always have someone to count on.
- There is a shared responsibility, the world doesn't rest on your shoulders.
Age and Love
Does Age Make A Difference?
© 2016 LindseyColopietro