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Getting Over Your Break Up

Updated on December 28, 2016

Love CAN Be Manipulated

Self-Examination Is Important

Getting over a break-up requires some degree of introspection and self-examination. If you fail to do this, then you could get stuck in one phase of the recovery process indefinitely until you either finally take the time to do some self-examination or some other person intervenes in your favor and makes you realize what you were doing wrong.

If the break-up is still fresh in your mind, then you might start asking yourself:

  • Was he ever really in love with me in the first place or was I just being played?
  • Can anyone ever fall in love with me again?
  • Am I a worthless individual?
  • Or other similar self-deprecating questions

The reality is that it is quite normal for someone to ask these kinds of questions of themselves when they are trying to get over a break-up. What is important is that you do not dwell on them for too long.


If a girl who has a problem of having low self-esteem were to start going out with a good-looking guy, then the very act of getting together with the guy would actually solve her problem. This is because such a good-looking guy is going out with her; therefore, she should not have such low self-esteem. For this reason, she falls in love with this guy because he is basically the solution to her self-esteem problem.

Now imagine what would happen if this girl got dumped. Naturally, her self-esteem problem would pop up once again and it would make it extremely hard for her to get over the break-up. What the girl here does not realize is that she does not miss her boyfriend, but instead, she misses the solution that he had for her problem. There are two ways that she could resolve this problem without necessarily getting back together with her ex:

  • Find another good-looking guy
  • Address the self-esteem problem directly and try to raise her confidence levels so that she would not be so dependent on getting together with good-looking guys for own self-esteem

How Love Works

What you need to understand is that when people fall in love, it is often not because they are really in love with the other person. The fact of the matter is that in most cases, falling in love with someone is actually your subconscious’ way of telling you to make up for an unmet need or something that is missing in your life which this person that you are “falling in love with” can fulfill. These can include common problems such as the need for companionship, the desire for recognition and popularity, or something similar – which can be fulfilled by getting together with a particular individual.

Understanding that love works this way is very important for getting over a break-up. From this piece of information, you can now understand that what you are missing are the “feelings of love” from the relationship and not the person that you were in love with.

You need to understand that your relationship was not as deep as you might make it out to be. By understanding the reason why you were in the relationship in the first place, you will also be able to see that it is not an irreplaceable relationship.

Avoid Rebound Relationships

Getting into a rebound relationship immediately after being dumped by someone only offers a temporary solution to your underlying problem. It is true that you can probably quell your feelings of loneliness and depression from being dumped by quickly finding a new relationship, but any relationship that you enter into hastily just after a break-up will always be doomed to failure. This is because you never had time to logically choose a good partner, but specifically entered into a relationship only to fill in the gap in your own emotional needs.

A better solution to getting over a break-up is to discover the root cause of the pain that you are feeling from the break-up and to address these causes directly.

Was It True Love?

If you want to find out if you really loved your ex or not, then just answer this question:

Will you be happy for your ex even if this person found someone new and was happy with someone else other than yourself?

If you cannot answer immediately with an emphatic “yes,” then you were never truly in love with your ex in the first place. If you truly loved your ex, then you would be happy for this person if he/she could find true happiness with someone else – even if it means that you cannot be together anymore.


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