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Getting What You Need - Part 1

Updated on February 11, 2014


I have approached writing this with a great amount of trepidation. This is opening a window of my world that I share but share carefully. It will take more than this one part to impart on you, the reader, the depth of the subject. I was told, for various reasons, to not open the comments block. The last time I went deep into The Frog Prince, I got private e-mails that asked that I open up the comments block because that person had something they wanted to say that would add to my subject. So I did and don’t have any regrets now about doing so.

Music Please Maestro?

Becoming jaded about life can happen, does happen and probably will always happen. I refer to it as carrying a lot of baggage, and we all have it. Throughout my life I have picked up my share of it and stored it. We all have, as it is part of life. We’ve all been used, abused and spit out. But what should that do for you, with you and about you is what is critical to who you are. Taking it into the next relationship you have is destructive. I suggest you park it at the door. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it. Not by any means, just don’t carry it into the present and future because it is the past.

I can only suggest to anyone that you don't let the past become a barrier to a future fulfilling friendship, even if that is all it will ever be. Get your shorts out of your crack, take a deep breath and grow up. Everyone isn't meant to be a lover, nor should they be.

Are you going to carry that around with you the remainder of your life? Are you going to project your past into the present and future? What one person has done to you, others will do? Are you not capable of picking up the pieces that are left, brushing yourself off and saying, “Next?” That’s a serious question. It will determine how you lead the rest of your life and deal with other people.

What I have experienced in my life has made me who I am and how I feel about other people. I’ve had some terrible things happen to me. I’ve been shot at and missed and sh*t at and hit, been dragged through my muddy past more times than I could ever imagine, been called every name in the book and then a few I never heard of before, but so what? What does that have to do with you? Not a damned thing. It is my past. Did I learn from it? Of course I did, and I don’t need to project it on you as another human being, thinking you had anything to do with that because you didn‘t.

Everyone in life is not out “to screw” you, figuratively or literally. I’m known to be a bit deep in places in the stream of life and how I treat people and expect to be treated in return. That is my key to life. It is my code. It is about honor and truthfulness. It usually isn’t all about me but more about you when, and if, we ever cross paths. When you first encounter someone, if you are wearing your past, you are suspicious and maybe have a non-trusting attitude. Why? It’s because of your past and that baggage you are lugging around. It has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you.

So what is my code? It bears an explanation so that you understand that embracing this isn’t an idea, a concept or anything of the sort. It has to be a way of life. I’ve heard over the years, “I know how you are about money” or “I know how you see other people” and it can go on and on and on. I’ve related what I am about to tell you to every person I have had a relationship with, no matter where that went or didn’t go, and the majority of them, if not all of them, let it slide right by them because they weren’t paying attention.

Back in the year 1993, I met one of the mentors in my life. I had quite a few in my military career who helped me rise to the top but no one even close to this person I met after I finally hung up my spurs in the Army. I am 60 now and will always value the man who chose me. I didn’t choose him, he chose me. He ran a super salesperson organization that centered on Realtors, of which I was one. I was very successful then, and he made me even more successful because he taught me about not only sales but about life and how to deal with a lot of it. He taught me about people and meeting their needs. His name is Floyd Wickman and you can Google him. He is one hell of a person.

Above all else, he taught me the “value” of other people. You are valuable and so are you and you and you… You never know when you will need someone else, notice I didn’t say “want.” There is a distinct difference between what you “want” and what you “need.” Many people cannot, or they are not willing to, differentiate the two concepts. I was taught how to do so by my mentor, and it took years of his time and caring about me to get it through my thick skull to accept some basic facts of life. Conversely, I meet people who think they don’t need other people. Yes, “YOU DO” need other people because when the going gets extremely rough, if you cut yourself off from those with the philosophy of life my mentor took years to teach me, you will miss the life preserver that is thrown to you when you most need it.

My mind and soul need a rest now, so this will conclude Part 1. Peace be with you. And also with you.


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    • sholland10 profile image

      Susan Holland 5 years ago from Southwest Missouri

      Frog Prince, you are right about us being responsible for what we choose or not to choose to carry around as baggage in our life. I figure we only live once; so we better make the best of it. Time and maturity help with that conclusion. We do transfer our feelings and guilt onto others, usually the ones we love. Perspective is what we need to step back and see before acting.

      Great information! Great hub! Votes and shared. :-)

      PS Thank you for your service to our country!

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 6 years ago from Illinois

      Froggy, After reading your hub and that of others, and listened to people spill their guts I have come to a conclusion. I think I am the most normal person around, I have to do my own story because I never looked at anything as something I couldn't handle. I do admit after 30 years of having Multiple Sclerosis, I may have to change my mind. If I finally become a quad, (which I was supposed to be 18 years ago) I think that will change me. Until then I'm the same person, mentally. H

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

      I have cast off so much since being here and some of the ones who helped me with it tried to add more on me but I am passed all that, just let it roll off my back, slippery as a frog. No bad can stick. That's the way to be.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 6 years ago from United States

      This is such a touching hub that it brought tears to my eyes. I have had similar experiences and then a mentor came along eventually and helped me to deal with the pain of the past. I carried a lot of anger and hurt for many years as my first husband became physically abusive during our marriage, which I usually never mention on Hubpages. What I did was go to nursing school so I could support my three boys and get divorced. It took two very special people that came in my life at different times to help me move past what had happened and to forgive, for my well-being not because it was deserved. I was very touched by the way that you explained your life in this hub and will look forward to part two.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      lizzee - I've never been accused of lacking courage.

    • mslizzee profile image

      elizabeth 6 years ago from Buncombe County, NC

      Frog, it takes courage to disect a frog :)

    • profile image

      Becky 6 years ago

      Very sensitive and insightful. I will be waiting for more. My husband is one who has let the baggage weigh him down. He doesn't use it on me but I have seen him use it in some strange ways. It is much easier on us and our loved ones if we can check it with God.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      BPOP - My mother was my best friend and always had my best interests at heart, may her soul rest in peace.

      Alastar - I actually handled the transition well, as well as it can go anyway. The motivation, drive, and self-discipline I needed were already there ready to use.

      Sunnie - You gave me a chuckle about this being your husband's first marriage. I think he had some baggage, just not marriage baggage. LOL

      Naomi - Carole King sang the song.

      Wayne - From your writings, I'm sure you don't suffer from an identity crisis! LMAO

      Mary Queen - We've known each other for a while now so you know there is usually reason behind the rhyme and vice versa.

      The Frog Prince

    • profile image

      Mary Queen 6 years ago

      Looking forward to Part II ... I have a feeling there is a rhyme for the reason...

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

      Lots here that I identify with, Jim...glad to see you sharing it! WB

    • Naomi's Banner profile image

      Naomi's Banner 6 years ago from United States

      Froggie, I liked you from the start when all I saw was the funny political writer and I am now seeing another side to you a much deeper side and I like it and I feel honored that you have been willing to share the more internal self with us. Thank you and I am there which is funny cause I really don't know you except for what I have read of your writings. I feel that I know you some and so far the glimpse I have had the priviledge to share has been beautiful. Thanks! You got a friend ( don't remember who sang it but I always liked this song )

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      Another great hub, thought provoking for sure..I carried alot of bagage into my second marriage and this being my poor husbands first marriage.. We both learned alot and I finally learned to let things go..he was not the enemy..Always good to check bagage at the door or it makes for a hard life for both parties..Look forward to part two.

      Thanks Frog,


    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 6 years ago from North Carolina

      A big change in life going from the military into sales. Takes a wick to get the best out of a candle started; and I'm glad you had this mentor Frog. Its not easy for those of us who've seen the worst in humanity- whether in the military or otherwise- to not carry that certain attitude forward with us in our dealings with others. But sales- especially with an extraordinary mentor to guide one- can make a person see a different way of looking at things.The best salesman I ever knew was also the most trusting and genuine with folks. Forgive my ramblings here Prince. Very happy this happened for you and that your sharing this with us my friend.

    • profile image

      ruffridyer 6 years ago from Dayton, ohio

      Good advice here. I know I regret many things from the past, some which wasn't my[ or anyone's] fault but carrying it around with you does no good.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing this side of you Frog. My mentors were my parents, who showed me how to love, how to have a great marriage and how to believe in myself. All I can say is I am very happy we "met". Up awesome, interesting and beautiful.

    • thebluestar profile image

      Annette Donaldson 6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      My dear Prince, the hardest thing I have ever written are my memoirs which portray me to be a hard and selfish little b...., totally out of character for me. Writing them in many ways has opened my life to a new beginning, allowed me to free myself from my past and allow my heart to accept the future. Despite the pain and all the raw emotions that came along with it, it has allowed me to forgive and bury the turmoil of my early life completely. As one door closes another door opens, and I know two people who hold you very dear. Be secure in our love and understand that no one gets along in this life without a few skeletons in the cupboard. x

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I'll stay tuned Frog - sounds like I might learn something:)

    • profile image

      Alanlsg 6 years ago

      Hi FP

      Great blog from the heart and soul and mind all rolled into one and your mentor would be proud.

      As you know my book was dedicated to my mentor and so many of your comments resonate deeply so suggest you get your book out also no matter what.

      For sure you could win friends and influence people with your writing such abook as you are doing here on the Hub.

      Aw ra best


    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      RHW - This will touch on the trust issue as the series progresses. I tend to have faith and trust in people until they prove otherwise. The amount of faith and trust is dependent on the person or the situation though.

      Fred - You can learn many things, or snag at least one valuable lesson, from people in your life. All you have to do many times is be still and listen. Some people find that extremely hard to do because life is sometimes all about them. I had someone tell me recently, "Jim, you can't teach me anything," A statement like that amazes me because we can all learn at least one thing from each other - positive or negative. We'll get there my friend.

      caltex - Part of what you stated there is the core of where this series is going - "in due time." Stay tuned.

      marcoujor - I always appreciate your comments and input. Writing from the soul is difficult at times because the words don't always come easily. I will take my time and let this flow as it comes and not push something just to be saying something.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      You need to say this and we need to hear it. No one should ever have the power to sour us. Your decency and positivism makes you "leaps and bounds" above the rest in my book... but then again, you're The Frog!

      Voted Up UABI... sleep well, good man.

    • caltex profile image

      caltex 6 years ago

      Great to see this side of you, Frog. Thanks for sharing it with us. Here's wishing whatever you 'need' is on its way to you. God may not give us everything we want, but He gives us everything we need, in due time.

    • profile image

      Ghost32 6 years ago

      A mentor doesn't even have to be "long term" like Floyd Wickman was for you in order to have a profound impact. My first year in rodeo, at age 15, I kept getting knocked out in the arena. Or so they say. My memory of some of that is...not exactly seamless.

      A close friend of the family, Tim Colver, told me one day, "Fred, I think what's happening is those broncs are snapping your neck." (Clarification: He didn't mean snapping in half, duh, but rather knocking me out from the whiplash.)

      So he told me how to fix that. As he'd once been a professional boxer who'd never made it INTO the Top 10 in his weight class but had FOUGHT a couple of the guys who were, he had some clue about how to train the body to withstand "impact athletics".

      He gave me an ultra-simple exercise, simply pushing against my skull, one direction and then another in sequence, with both hands. Isometrics, basically.

      After a year (by the time I turned 16), I was done getting "knocked out without explanation".

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Well I thank you for sharing Frog. I am always being accused of being too trusting - I don't thi k that is why I accept most people without question - it is because I know everyone has had their sore spots - me included - and I want to believe in the best of everyone.

      I have a decal on the wall in the bedroom it says -- From this day forward.......! Ha! Up ane everything;)

    • profile image

      partisan patriot 6 years ago


      Peace be also with you!

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 6 years ago

      FP - very interesting hub, and I suspect there is something in this for all of us. I will be looking forward to the next part. Rest and relax my friend, you deserve it.

    • profile image

      Pat Potts 6 years ago

      I will be looking forward to it. Hugs

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Pat - Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. Stay tuned for Part 2 and you'll see why.

    • profile image

      Pat Potts 6 years ago

      Thanks for sharing this part. May Goodness, kindness and Mercy come your way.

    • profile image

      34th Bomb Group 6 years ago

      I see why this will be difficult for you. I don't think I'd have the nerve.

      God Bless - sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite...

    • GusTheRedneck profile image

      Gustave Kilthau 6 years ago from USA

      Howdy Froggie - Speaking of mentors (which you did), we had an old sarge in our outfit who had this advice for one and all:

      "Keep a cool tool in the motor pool."

      It was almost impossible to get upset or grouchy around that old boy.

      Anyway, I hope you have some fun today, plus a reasonable supper, like lots of ice cream, etc.

      Gus :-)))