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Getting What You Need - Part 2

Updated on August 1, 2011


You Get By Giving

The first part of “Getting What You Need” centered on becoming jaded when dealing with other people and life itself. That is easily accomplished if you let yourself go there. I touched on baggage and dealing with it or not having the capability of doing so. I suggested that dealing with yours, or another person's for that matter, can result in destructiveness. That applies to business, personal or casual relationships in your life.

If you haven't read Part 1,which laid the base, then the link is just below. Please read it first, comment if you'd like to and come on back after you digest it.

Do you mind if I put on some music while you read? I didn't think you would...

Paying Your Dues

This part is the hard part. I’ve been through more than a few “mind sorts” as I try to put it together. Most people, myself included, when first encountering this idea can’t quite wrap their head around it at first. “You expect me to do what?” is usually the question. I had it at first but over time, thanks to my mentor who took the time to work with me, I came to understand exactly how it works, though I still wrestle with it at times.

The organizational slogan of my mentor’s business was “You Get By Giving.” Those four words roll easily off your lips. What is behind them extends to not only business but into life itself and enduring relationships. Put another way - you only get out of anything what you put into it. What was instilled in me, by my association with this mentor, was that it isn’t just a slogan but to be successful it must become a way of life. This is not to say that you give away the farm. You can only give of yourself, your tools, time, talents and what you have at your disposal to help someone else meet their needs, not their wants necessarily. If I don’t have it, you definitely are barking up the wrong tree trying to get it.

Lets talk about people and their tendency to be self-centered. This isn’t a black and white thing because there are shades of gray involved. There are givers and there are takers. Most people I have met, when I approach this subject say, “Oh, I’m a giver.” In the long run that will surface and so will the true you. My truth is that most people are takers. They will take and take with wild abandon without much thought behind it. We’ve all heard about the “What’s in it for me?” attitude about life and somehow over the past few decades that has been ingrained in far too many people.

That’s what takers are all about and their primary focus in life, whether it be business, relationships, friendships and so it goes. We could make a list. To a taker, if there isn’t something in it for them then that’s where it comes to a screeching halt. Why bother? Right? The shallowness of those people is what I find disturbing. If you can’t, or in some cases won’t, give them what they want then you are of no use to them. It doesn’t mean a thing to them what they really need, just scratch their wants. It's an extremely selfish attitude, but it exists. Reflect on people you have encountered with such an attitude. You know you’ve met more than a few in your life, maybe you are even guilty of the conduct.

So how do you get what you need? If you aren’t willing to give then you may not put yourself in the position of having your needs met. Confused yet? The giver’s perspective is quite a bit different than a taker’s outlook. Believe me, it took some work on this frog to understand what those four words really mean. Your subconscious and conscious level usually aren't comfortable with letting go and taking the risk that is involved. The other issue that seems to cloud the coffee is thinking that this involves tangible things. To a taker it probably centers on that issue, to a giver it usually doesn’t, though sometimes tangible things are involved. The intangibles are what most people really need and many times that escapes people.

Tangibles bring creature comforts which aren’t a bad thing. The intangibles bring fulfillment in any relationship, rather business or personal. Just extending your hand to another, being willing to step out on the limb for someone and hoping they don’t have the saw in their hand or being able to walk that extra mile needed to arrive at your destination come to mind.

You have to adopt the concept of trust. That was my initial drawback in buying into my mentor’s thought process. Looking back at Part 1, I learned to realize that my baggage was getting in the way. I hadn’t ever adequately stowed it away, not forgotten it because hopefully I learned from it but relegated it to where it belongs - the past. I learned from it but sure don’t need to continue to live there. Everyone isn’t like everyone we have ever met, or encountered, in our life. It seems more sensible to step out there and trust another until they give you a reason not to. That’s risky. I won’t tell you that it isn’t because I’d be blowing smoke at you if I said it isn’t. Life is about risk though as is the fulfillment of having your needs met.

The song I inserted into this article hits home on the theme of Part 2. When a giver meets another giver in any given situation that is an ideal relationship that can be built on and be rewarding for all the parties. When a giver gives and the taker keeps on taking and taking eventually the giver will either throw up a road block to such conduct or completely walk away from the situation. I have done both before and will do so in the future. When you take more than you give it is bound to happen as Dave Mason says it will, “We wouldn’t be in this mess today!” Some people are incapable of giving to get what they need. It’s a mindset that can be overcome. It just takes work and the work has to be done by you, as a person, on yourself.

I, or anyone else, can work with you as long as we're moving in the same direction. When you're pulling in one direction and I'm pulling in the other it becomes a tug of war. You have to learn to give in order to get.

Part 3 will come but the "mind sort" and flow of words are important to me so stay tuned.

"Happiness isn't something you get but SOMETHING YOU DO."


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    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 6 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Hey - Frog Friend - haven't heard from you for a while. Great series! Looking forward to the 3rd. Just realized you haven't been doing hubs that much longer than me. But look how much you have contributed - Wow!

    • Harvey Stelman profile image

      Harvey Stelman 6 years ago from Illinois

      Froggy, I voted this up, but I am perplexed. It is just not possible for me to relate to this in a way. I've always seen problems others have, but I have hardly shared them.

      Even being depressed I tell myself, this will not stand! Usually it takes a few minutes before I over come it.

      In psych 101 we studied Freud like veryone else. It was 1967 and I was a freshman, I developed my own theories. My niece did her doctorate at The Adler School of Psychology recently. She learned three of the theories I developed in 1967. She told me these theories started being taught in 1996. And to think, my teacher said I was fool!

      If you have any problem my friend, I may be able to help. No shrink, no money and no weekly appointments. I teach you how to solve the problem. H0

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      My goodness Froggy, you are quite the Heavy Thinker and I like that...Givers and Takers are out there since time began. In order to survive sometimes I think one has to be a little of each. I'd like to think that most of the time I am a Giver. Wonderful Hub Froggy thanks for Giving it to us!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Frog - I think you just divided the world into two groups accurately too:) There are givers and takers - and I think you are a giver:) Good for you too - I think people who are more generous and less worried about material things are happier people, don't you? I would hate to be a taker - I think that indicates unhappiness and maybe more emotional issues? Im not a shrink but I think people that take, take, take are never going to get enough to fill those empty holes. Voted up and everything but funny.

    • profile image

      Pat Potts 6 years ago

      Great hub. Most the people I know are takers. Never giving. Everything has to be at their convenience. My friendship for some is a friendship of convenience. Kind of sad wouldn't you say? I mostly count on myself and my hubby as he is my life time partner and the love of my life. Thanks again for sharing as always I enjoy these hubs from you. This is a great quote I heard one time. " The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow." Do good anyway.

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 6 years ago

      FP - This was a truly amazing piece of work. You say it like nobody else can say it. This hub tells me a great deal about you and your values.

    • alanlsg profile image

      Alan Bowman 6 years ago from The World

      To give selflessly without thought of return is the hardest path in life and yet when done it is golden.

      KNOWLEDGE is the one thing like love which we can give away yet never diminishes but helps others grow.

      Go for it FP you are leading a charge that can only result in victory as so many many people now realise that being selfish and me orientated and greedy has screwed the western world.

      Kindest regards


    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Good Morning, Mr Frog,

      This flowed so naturally for me to read as I know our mentors were somehow cut from the same cloth. I do not believe that folks need to understimate a giver for a sucker. In fact, I believe we are more intuitive in recognizing/ weeding out the takers in our lives.

      You have inspired me to publish a little something of my own soon. As you truly "practice what you preach", my friend, I played with my title a little in honor of you as well!

      This is Voted UP & UABI-- can't wait for Part 3, mar.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Pamela - As it begins to evolve it becomes more and more apparent that the more you give the more a taker wants to consume. At some point you must just walk away. Then the problem becomes once the good ship lollipop is going down they just want to take you down with it.

      The only way I know how to deal with that issue is to become stone cold emotionally, not to every one but to the person you are having to deal with. If that's a defense mechanism, I reckon I will suffer from it.

      In a business deal it is much easier to detach yourself than a personal relationship. But if you approach it in a business like manner, rather than an emotional roller coaster ride, things might actually be seen realistically. It's all going to end up the same way anyway, hurt or no hurt.

      The Frog

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 6 years ago from North Carolina

      You've said something so very well here Frog. You've also gotten to the very essence of human interactions and their results. It would appear that one law of the Creator/creation is the pendulum. What a person puts out, is what they shall eventually receive back. Say one laid selfishness on their fellow humans for fifty years. The pendulum of selfishness has reached its highest swing point and now swings back onto the person with all the fifty years selfishness concentrated in one mighty blow.The same of course would apply to something positive or good. Just a thought and thank you for writing these Frog, your a very wise Prince of a man.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 6 years ago from United States

      This hub is so true. I have been in the give role with a major taker and that really doesn't work at all, plus you end up hurt emotionally etc. It feels better to be a giver as the more I give the more I receive. I like the way you explained the whole concept. Great hub.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Great piece of writing Frog. I agree with Sunnie Day, your last line is priceless. Up and awesome, Frog.

    • profile image

      alanlsg 6 years ago

      Way to go FP and great to read and a subject very close to my heart as you know from my blogs and book.

      Keep at it, keep smiling,keep giving and enjoy your life to the full in any way you wish without any harm to others.

      Aw ra best


    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      thebluestar - Part 3 will cover some of the ground you mentioned at the end. Separating the wheat from the chaff becomes very easy once you get the hang of it.

    • profile image

      thebluestar 6 years ago

      "You have to learn to give in order to give", very true Frog, but we are back to needs and wants here. It isn't just a case of learning to give. A taker never has the "want" to learn, were a giver needs to gives from the heart, it comes freely. People are all individual, and the pain comes when you expect them to live accordingly to your own thought on life. Disappointments are inevitable. A thought provoking part two.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Sunnie - Good morning and I like the "falling forward" concept. Much better to land on your feet than your bum.

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      Good Morning Frog,

      This was excellent in everyway and so much truth is written here. Giving is the key and "falling forward"..if one is not doing their is so hard in a relationship. I love so much of the article but the last line is worth gold. Happiness is not something you get but something you do...

      Take care and thank you for a wonderful hub,