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Getting What You Need - Part 2
You Get By Giving
The first part of “Getting What You Need” centered on becoming jaded when dealing with other people and life itself. That is easily accomplished if you let yourself go there. I touched on baggage and dealing with it or not having the capability of doing so. I suggested that dealing with yours, or another person's for that matter, can result in destructiveness. That applies to business, personal or casual relationships in your life.
If you haven't read Part 1,which laid the base, then the link is just below. Please read it first, comment if you'd like to and come on back after you digest it.
Part 1 of "Getting What You Need"
Do you mind if I put on some music while you read? I didn't think you would...
Paying Your Dues
This part is the hard part. I’ve been through more than a few “mind sorts” as I try to put it together. Most people, myself included, when first encountering this idea can’t quite wrap their head around it at first. “You expect me to do what?” is usually the question. I had it at first but over time, thanks to my mentor who took the time to work with me, I came to understand exactly how it works, though I still wrestle with it at times.
The organizational slogan of my mentor’s business was “You Get By Giving.” Those four words roll easily off your lips. What is behind them extends to not only business but into life itself and enduring relationships. Put another way - you only get out of anything what you put into it. What was instilled in me, by my association with this mentor, was that it isn’t just a slogan but to be successful it must become a way of life. This is not to say that you give away the farm. You can only give of yourself, your tools, time, talents and what you have at your disposal to help someone else meet their needs, not their wants necessarily. If I don’t have it, you definitely are barking up the wrong tree trying to get it.
Lets talk about people and their tendency to be self-centered. This isn’t a black and white thing because there are shades of gray involved. There are givers and there are takers. Most people I have met, when I approach this subject say, “Oh, I’m a giver.” In the long run that will surface and so will the true you. My truth is that most people are takers. They will take and take with wild abandon without much thought behind it. We’ve all heard about the “What’s in it for me?” attitude about life and somehow over the past few decades that has been ingrained in far too many people.
That’s what takers are all about and their primary focus in life, whether it be business, relationships, friendships and so it goes. We could make a list. To a taker, if there isn’t something in it for them then that’s where it comes to a screeching halt. Why bother? Right? The shallowness of those people is what I find disturbing. If you can’t, or in some cases won’t, give them what they want then you are of no use to them. It doesn’t mean a thing to them what they really need, just scratch their wants. It's an extremely selfish attitude, but it exists. Reflect on people you have encountered with such an attitude. You know you’ve met more than a few in your life, maybe you are even guilty of the conduct.
So how do you get what you need? If you aren’t willing to give then you may not put yourself in the position of having your needs met. Confused yet? The giver’s perspective is quite a bit different than a taker’s outlook. Believe me, it took some work on this frog to understand what those four words really mean. Your subconscious and conscious level usually aren't comfortable with letting go and taking the risk that is involved. The other issue that seems to cloud the coffee is thinking that this involves tangible things. To a taker it probably centers on that issue, to a giver it usually doesn’t, though sometimes tangible things are involved. The intangibles are what most people really need and many times that escapes people.
Tangibles bring creature comforts which aren’t a bad thing. The intangibles bring fulfillment in any relationship, rather business or personal. Just extending your hand to another, being willing to step out on the limb for someone and hoping they don’t have the saw in their hand or being able to walk that extra mile needed to arrive at your destination come to mind.
You have to adopt the concept of trust. That was my initial drawback in buying into my mentor’s thought process. Looking back at Part 1, I learned to realize that my baggage was getting in the way. I hadn’t ever adequately stowed it away, not forgotten it because hopefully I learned from it but relegated it to where it belongs - the past. I learned from it but sure don’t need to continue to live there. Everyone isn’t like everyone we have ever met, or encountered, in our life. It seems more sensible to step out there and trust another until they give you a reason not to. That’s risky. I won’t tell you that it isn’t because I’d be blowing smoke at you if I said it isn’t. Life is about risk though as is the fulfillment of having your needs met.
The song I inserted into this article hits home on the theme of Part 2. When a giver meets another giver in any given situation that is an ideal relationship that can be built on and be rewarding for all the parties. When a giver gives and the taker keeps on taking and taking eventually the giver will either throw up a road block to such conduct or completely walk away from the situation. I have done both before and will do so in the future. When you take more than you give it is bound to happen as Dave Mason says it will, “We wouldn’t be in this mess today!” Some people are incapable of giving to get what they need. It’s a mindset that can be overcome. It just takes work and the work has to be done by you, as a person, on yourself.
I, or anyone else, can work with you as long as we're moving in the same direction. When you're pulling in one direction and I'm pulling in the other it becomes a tug of war. You have to learn to give in order to get.
Part 3 will come but the "mind sort" and flow of words are important to me so stay tuned.
"Happiness isn't something you get but SOMETHING YOU DO."