- Gender and Relationships
Getting your girl after you havn't seen her in a long time!
So you've wanted her for what seems like ages..
So you used to like a girl and now you want her? (Advice from a girl)
I have seen countless of my girlfriends go through breakups- I've seen the ones that get back together and the ones that don't, and now I know what makes the difference between a guy who gets his girl back and one who doesn't.
Getting your girlfriend back is one of those things where a guy will have to go against all his natural instincts.
The thing you have to be aware of right up front is this: There is no SURE-PROOF method when it comes to love.
There is nothing you can do that will guarantee the result you want.
All you can do is follow my advice here and I believe it will give you the best chance of getting back your girlfriend-
even if she was the one who broke up with you.
You have to deny your instincts.
This is key. Your emotions will deceive you. If you have just broken up with your girlfriend, your emotions are
probably screaming "Call her," "apologuise", "beg for her forgiveness and a second chance!"
Unfortunately, these things will only likely cement your relationship into the ground.
If you have already gone down this route, you can still try the following, it is so effective that it might actually just work.
Before the plan: There is an important step I think is worth taking before engaging in the actual plan.
Showing you accept the situation
If you do not do this step, you run the risk of your girlfriend knowing you you are simply trying to gain her attractions again. If you do this, she will not suspect a thing.
You need to show her that you are fully accepting of the break up, so that when you "move on" very soon after, it will seem very genuine.
This can be achieved in a very simple way, the ngirlt time you talk to her (It's best if it is a happenstance occasion- that is to say, don't just call her out of the blue to say it or it will feel contrived.)
If you will not see her in a happenstance occasion, it's best to say it in a letter, an email or even a tgirlt.
Here's the gist of what to say: "You know, you were right, I was being a total ________ (whatever girlcuse she used to break up with you- admit to it and say you were wrong)
"... and breaking up is probably the best thing for both of us. Cos we've just broken up, it's probably best if we keep our distance so we can both move on easily. Anyway, I gotta run, but thanks for everything."
The idea is just to show that you are FINE with moving on. That maybe you think it's a good idea. This sets the stage for everything you are about to do.
Step One: Creating space
They often say the first step is the hardest, and here that saying proves true. The first step is to go against ALL your instincts and stay OUT OF CONTACT with her. If you can phycially leave the place where you are, that is the best idea. Don't respond/check emails from her, or tgirlt messages, or anything. Turn your phone off, whatever it takes. Don't read it, don't respond. LEAVE.
This will show that you have really moved on to other things, and it will also help you keep a level head. You will instantly separate yourself from the 95% of guys will cry and beg for the relationship to continue, effectively emasculating themselves.
Two: Change as much as possible
Whatever reason she broke up with you (probably not the reason she gave), it IS something you need to change. 90% of the time it was just that you were not being congruent with who you were when you first met (You acted a certain way to get her, then couldn't resist changing when you got together.)
You need to MAN UP. I recommend hitting the weights (even if you don't do it long enough to LOOK different, you will FEEL different), go and do something adventurous, join a group or a club (Search "MEETUP" if you have too), just GO OUT. This is the phase where you are not talking to your girlfriend for a while- don't worry- this time will pass and when it does, the more you changed the better.
If you meet another girl during this time, that's fine, but DON'T play the jelously game. You don't need it, TRUST ME as a girl. If you try to make your girlfriend jelous, all it will push her to do is get with other guys and that will NOT help you get her back.
You don't need to bring a new girl into the picture to make her want you back- just SEEING the new you will be enough to make her think about the posibily. A big rookie move guys make is they try to make their girl jelous but it just backfires, because it will just push your girl into another makes arms to "even things out" and then you may just lose her forever.
If she is already with something else- just ignore it and follow the plan as normal.
Three: The Return
Make sure you are noticably different. For her to get back with the SAME guy SHE broke up with, HE HAS TO HAVE CHANGED. New clothes, fitter look- don't make it over the top, just look YOUR BEST. Be confident.
Now it's time to to re-enter your social scene. Be confident and most of all, happy! If you see your girl around, smile and say hey- treat her like a girl you are just meeting for the first time.
At this point, you will have done the job. Almost certainly. How do I know? Because this girl WANTED you at some point or another. Then, somewhere along the line, you messed things up or she changed.
But by spending some time away from her and re-connecting with yourself and polishing yourself up, you will have returned to the basic core that she fell for in the beginning.
Who makes the first move?
NOT YOU. In a normal situation I would recommend you making the first move. However you cannot do it in this situation, as it would undermine your whole "moving on" and bring into doubt your whole "change".
Here's how it goes, you stay with your social circle (which is probably intermingled with hers) and just living. What will happen is that she will recegnise that IF SHE DOESN'T GET YOU BACK NOW, ANOTHER GIRL IS GONNA TAKE YOU.
It's a natural thought and it WILL arrive. She will noticed how well you handled the situation and she will notice ANY attention or complements other girls give you. You DON'T need to encourage it by calling other girls "hot" or anything- trust me, the jelousy game does NOT work well when you are actively doing it. The most EFFECTIVE jelousy game is where other girls are talking about you but you aren't even enticing it directly or responding with anything other then "Thanks" and a smile.
When this happens, your girl will KNOW that she needs to get you back now or she might never be able too.
Due to the fact that she already has had a relationship with you, she will be condifent enough to make the first move. This will come in the form of the following phrases:
"I miss you sometimes."
"We've only been broken up a month? It feels like a year..."
"So ______ seems nice. Do you like her?"
"Do you think sometimes we made a mistake?"
This is NOT the time to take a power grab and play hard to get. I recommend smiling back and responding with WHATEVER she gave you.
"I miss you sometimes."
"I miss you too" *Smile :)*
"Remember when we used to go to the video store every friday night?"
"Yeah, that was so much fun" *Smile*
You're showing her that it's okay for her to entertain these lines of conversations. She will not be sure whether you are just being nice or whether you actually want to get back to together. She will just keep pushing it one step forward until a) you break your frame and give her more then she gave you (Do not do that) or b) she can't play games anymore and just pins for down for a kiss to see how you really feel.
Good luck boys. If you get back with her and live happily ever after, I'll be glad to know I made the world a slightly happier place. If you have any questions, make a comment or send a message and I'll reply.