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Finding Your Purpose In Life After marriage And children

Updated on September 12, 2014

Finding purpose in your life

Now that I have reached the ripe old age of 49, I have started to doubt what my life has been about and what do I do now. Surely there has to be something after children and marriage. My youngest son is 8, and I have gone from being mommy to mom. I'm not allowed to kiss him bye at school or hold his hand when I go to walk him home. He still needs homework help sometimes but not all the "Mommy" things I used to be needed for. My last "baby" has grown up.

My husband on the other has now regresed to childhood. He is stuck on action movies and still talks like when we were in Junior High. I have "friends" he has "homies". I enjoy reading, going to museums, internet cafes, writing and talking to someone who can carry on a good conversation. I enjoy the ballet, opera and theatre, he on the other hand likes to hang out at the park with his homies watching the 20 somethings that hang out. Anyway its kind of hard to carry on a converstaion with someone who shushes you everytime you try to talk because he is involved in the movie. Lately I have given up trying. I have just realized that we have nothing in common other than children and he still need someone to pick up after him and cook and clean.

So on this beautiful, cloudy morning, I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I'm thinking that there are alot of years left and I wouldn't want to waste any. I am the kind of person that gives thanks to God for each morning that I wake up. So I think about all the talents that  God bestowed on me and how to put them to use.

Probally the one I enjoy most is writing. I love the fact that we have places like hubpages where we can hang out and voice our point of view, and read the point of view of others. I like the fact that this is done in a very grown up way, no obscenities, just a chance to exchange opinions. I truly enjoy the other writers and the pieces they write and display on such a wide variety of topics. I also enjoy the fan mail we exchange.

My other talent is the ability to read and comprehend a vast amount of information and use it to mine and others benefits. I read from around 55-75 books a week. See I have alot of time to myself now. I love to read, on all types of subjects. Politics, crime, criminal justice and social issues are probally my favorites. I enjoy expressing my feelings through poetry, songs and letters to those faraway. You can find me most days curled up with a book or reasearching a subject I want to write on.

Which brings me back to the question, "What do we do after the mommy years?" reading and writing is great but lets face it (unless we get REALLY lucky) and write a best seller that gets published we will never get rich, well not really....we will have the richness of knowledge.

Before I was diagnosed as manic-depressive, I had a 25 year carrer in the Texas Department of Corrections, first as a Correctional Officer, then a secretary to the warden. I also worked for the State and Federal Courts, including the office of the U.S.  Attorney General. I was a litigation paralegal for numerours attorneys' and being bi-lingual, very much in demand. So I have had a wonderful carrer life.

The mommy years were great and at times I miss them but then I feel this is my time now. The only problem being what do I do now? Being manic-depressive or diagnosed with any other mental illness kind of limits what they will let you do. It keeps me from returning to the carrer I had and loved. Maybe that is why I keep up with the latest legal developments and most of my articles are centered on the Criminal Justice System.

About a month ago I decided to work as an office manager at a day care. DISASTER from the beginning. Even though I had my own office the sounds of wailing crying babies and toddlers, and I knew this would be like going throught the "mommy years" again. Wrong fit. Don't get me wrong I love each one of my children very much, and with 8 grandchildren I pride myself on being "Nana". The "mommy years" were great, I just don't want a carrer in it. I have raised 4 children to adulthood, my youngest being 32. I feel that part of my life is finished and I need to find me again.

Dallas is a huge city, but there are no jobs here at the moment. The menial jobs I have applied at, just to have something to do, always look at the resume and say "Overqualified" whatever that is supposed to mean. I thought  when I getting into debt to attend law school that the whole idea was to be educated. But then that was a long time ago.

So I sit here at 3am still pondering the same question I feel asleep thinking about last night. Not finding an immediate solution I sit down at the keyboard to finish this article and a couple more I penned by hand while the virus scan cleaned 1876 viruses from my computer. My wonderful grownup 8 year old had turned off my firewall and virus scan so his games with active x would download and he could also play faster. It took 23 hours to disinfect the whole machine and clean it out. Twenty-three long, desolate hours of having my voice silenced by the marvels of modern technology.

Don't touch my computer again, I warned him. He just looks at me, what did I do he says? MMM maybe the "mommy years aren't quite finished yet". I don't think they ever really are. it's mommy they run to when they need a loan, babysitting or whatever the need of the moment happens to be.

But that still leaves me thinking, "What about me??? Is there really life after children and marriage? Or does it just keep repeating the cycle over and over, starting with the grandkids?


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    • christalluna1124 profile image

      christalluna1124 7 years ago from Dallas Texas


      It is great to see you again. Thank you so much for your comment. I have spent the last 4 months in a deep depressive state due to my manic-depressive illness. i am better now and trying to catch up. I agree you owe yourself..but finding the time for me is difficult when I have an 8 years old and significant other to take care of. I do believe I have reached my "mid-life awaking"...lately I have had to slow down and look out for me.

      warmest regards,


    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 years ago

      I hear what you're saying there is too much focus placed on young girls in particular to grow up, have the big wedding day, and raise some children. Little boys are expected to delay growing up for as long as possible, play video games, watch sports, dates lots of women, get an education and build a solid career before considering marriage or kids. They pretty much are expected to carve out an idea of "self" which is not based around their role in a relationship/family. And yet the term "mid-life crisis" is famous for men in their middle 40s and up that want to turn their lives upside down or inside out...maybe buy their dream sports car (which they could not afford while in their 20s or 30s), travel to exotic places, or date the kind of women who were not attracted to them when they had less to offer.

      You're having nothing more than a "Mid-life Awakening".

      It's healthy to take stock of your life and the direction it's going in. People that don't do so often wake up wondering how they got where they are.

      Embrace the idea of having "options".

      Make your own "bucket list" of things you'd like to do or try to do. Life is short.

      "The World May Not Owe You Anything, But You Owe Yourself The World!" Expand your thinking and your true desires will reveal themselves.

    • christalluna1124 profile image

      christalluna1124 8 years ago from Dallas Texas

      Hey Ethel, tomorrows what i'm afraid of.

    • ethel smith profile image

      Eileen Kersey 8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Well I never had kids but I have been married for ever. I would love to be 49 again. Get out there girl and live. Who knows what tomorrow may bring