- Gender and Relationships»
- Non-Monogamous Relationships
Wouldn't be a 'Slore' If She were a Man...
It's been argued whether women have the ability to have detached casual sex with a person. By nature it seems, women are more emotionally connected to the act of having sex than men are.
I have to be honest, from my own past experiences, I agree that women are much more emotionally connected to sex than guys are. I have always had guy friends in my circle and it would blow my mind how they feel about sex and would have no issue communicating it. They congratulated each other on their newest 'victories' and that world of testosterone used to drive me crazy, until I decided to be a tad bit more open minded.
A fellow blogger's article, "Are Men Really Afraid of Commitment" by dashingscorpio, gave me kind of an 'aha' moment. It talked about how by the time girls become women, they have already practiced having a husband and living a life of monogamy. Little girls spend many years playing with Ken and Barbie (side note, how many Ken dolls are there really? There are probably hundreds or thousands of Barbie's that Ken can choose from) in their dream house, their dream car, family pet and baby. Boys spend years playing sports, being super competitive, experimenting and being encouraged to be hard core. So in respect to relationships, it's not that men mature slowly, it's that they simply have to catch up. We, as women, have years of practice ahead of them in relation to matters of the heart, families and relationships.
Back to the matter at hand. I've known men that are happy in relationships, after they found the right one, but they had to kiss a ton of frogs before they found her. During that journey though, no one questions why he had to kiss four different frogs in that one week, it was all just part of the process. On the other hand, if a female kissed that many frogs at once, she's considered 'hot' or easy, which is sometimes an unfair label. Women also have to kiss around a bit before we decide to settle down.
Many who are out there trying to figure out who the right one is, isn't just working, it's also fun. Although they have an idea of what they are looking for, if it's not right in front of them, what are they supposed to do until that person arrives?? That's where the casual, unattached sex comes from. You know that person isn't going to be around for the long haul, he/she is just a space saver; something to occupy your time until the real one arrives. And is there anything really wrong with that notion?
Now, I don't have any issue with that. At one point in my life, I considered myself to be a serial monogamist. I just went from relationship to relationship without trying to actually find the right fit for me. I've been single for the past three years purposely, which is the hardest thing ever for me to do because I love relationships. But I needed some time for me. Had to give myself time to figure out why these relationships were ending after so long. To finish school. To work on career goals. I can't complete the other half of anything until I am whole myself. I know what it is I am looking for and I have to just wait for him to arrive, or maybe even reintroduce himself. In the meantime though, am I supposed to just let my pipes turn to dust? I think not. I am thirty-one, who knows how long this happily-ever-after process is going to take. While I certainly won't be careless, or act like a guy and exploit my triumphs or even kiss more than one frog at a time, I am confident the temporary transition can be made from serial monogamist to casual dater without feeling the need to have a monogamist title attached. I am sure that for a woman, at least me, this state of mind doesn't come naturally. You have to have gone through something that turns your own belief system upside down. I've got this!