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Give People Permission - the power of releasing people from our unmet expectations.

Updated on February 22, 2011

Learning to get over it


Life Coaching

Recently I spent some time in a life coaching conversation with an individual who was frustrated because someone they cared about let them down. This person was upset because they had expectations about how they wanted to be loved and supported and when that wasn't met they were disappointed.

This type of disappointment, the kind we feel from those who are close to us, can really jam us up. So much so that we can became unable to give or receive love from anyone else while we focus on these unmet expectations. It can really damage all the relationships in our lives.

That's an easy approach to take isn't it. Expecting people to love you the way you want them to love you, or the way you show love and support to others. It's how most people think - and to some degree it makes perfect sense.

Love is a broad term, so let's get on the same page. Let's define love, for the sake of this particular blog, from the focus of the love given and received between family and friends. The kind of love we like to surround ourselves with for support and stability. We may also receive love in this way from the one we are intimate with but the love I'm referring to is not based on this level of intimacy.

With that said - let's shift our thinking a bit. What if we began to let people support and love us the way they were designed to. Removing the expectation off of those we care about and let them care for us naturally. The way they were made to.

Each of us have a personality DNA that is at the very core of our make up. This DNA motivates what we gravitate to, what we are passionate about, and how we love and respond to people. This DNA also works the opposite way, in the motivation we feel away from what we don't like, or aren't passionate about and even to the degree of how we don't like to show or receive love. When we expect people to love us in a way that isn't from their DNA makeup it creates unrealistic expectations and will ultimately lead to disappointment, hurt or offense.

What if you gave the people in your life permission to express their love to you in the way that they were designed to? What if you released those expectations, to the point where you didn't expect anything? How much richer would your relationships become? How much more would those acts of love mean to you? What would happen if those people in your life released you to do the same?

-Todd



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    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Interesting concept; DNA causes us to love others in a way only we can. I had not thought of it this way. Doesn't experience have anything to do with it, i.e., continuous rejection creates fear of more rejection and so the person gives up on love? I thought children of nasty divorces, despite DNA, might carry some of that into their own relationships. But you aren't talking about that kind of love. I think you are talking about compassion and acceptance for others? Is this learned behavior and DNA? I don't know enough about DNA, I guess. I thought it was similar to heredity, i.e., chromosome combinations?

    • saintodd profile image
      Author

      saintodd 6 years ago from Suffolk, VA

      @Storytellersrus - thanks for the post and the fan mail. I appreciate your words and encouragement. "Personality DNA" is more of a concept than an actual genetic coding. My intent was to walk the reader into exploring the concept of our deeper makeup, what makes us tick beyond blood and bones. Who we are at the level that can't be conceptualized.

      Great points about fear and rejection. Those emotions so easily can become our core value and have powerful impact on our relationships. Children inherite more than physical traits and possesions. Their is a much deeper inheritance that is passed down.

      Great to connect with you.

    • HattieMattieMae profile image

      HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

      LOve your hub we do put to many expectations on other people! :0

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