- Gender and Relationships
Give People Permission - the power of releasing people from our unmet expectations.
Learning to get over it
Recently I spent some time in a life coaching conversation with an individual
who was frustrated because someone they cared about let them down. This
person was upset because they had expectations about how they wanted to
be loved and supported and when that wasn't met they were disappointed.
This type of disappointment, the kind we feel from those who are close to us, can really jam us up. So much so that we can became unable to give or receive love from anyone else while we focus on these unmet expectations. It can really damage all the relationships in our lives.
That's an easy approach to take isn't it. Expecting people to love you the way you want them to love you, or the way you show love and support to others. It's how most people think - and to some degree it makes perfect sense.
Love is a broad term, so let's get on the same page. Let's define love, for the sake of this particular blog, from the focus of the love given and received between family and friends. The kind of love we like to surround ourselves with for support and stability. We may also receive love in this way from the one we are intimate with but the love I'm referring to is not based on this level of intimacy.
With that said - let's shift our thinking a bit. What if we began to let people support and love us the way they were designed to. Removing the expectation off of those we care about and let them care for us naturally. The way they were made to.
Each of us have a personality DNA that is at the very core of our make up. This DNA motivates what we gravitate to, what we are passionate about, and how we love and respond to people. This DNA also works the opposite way, in the motivation we feel away from what we don't like, or aren't passionate about and even to the degree of how we don't like to show or receive love. When we expect people to love us in a way that isn't from their DNA makeup it creates unrealistic expectations and will ultimately lead to disappointment, hurt or offense.
What if you gave the people in your life permission to express their love to you in the way that they were designed to? What if you released those expectations, to the point where you didn't expect anything? How much richer would your relationships become? How much more would those acts of love mean to you? What would happen if those people in your life released you to do the same?
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