- Gender and Relationships
Giving up on Marriage
Should I End My Marriage?
Marriage is a blessing and it is a wonderful experience to feel absolute and unconditional love with someone that you can call your best friend, your loyal partner and your soulmate.
Unfortunately through time and for many reasons, marriages just dissolve and after you have tried and hoped and tried and wished, there is a time when you have to come to a final decision, whether or not to finally call it a day and realise that your marriage is over, or accept things for the way that they are and continue to live in a loveless and lonely marriage forever.
A life worth living is one that is filled with love and someone that you can call your soulmate. We all deserve to be happy in life and in love, so there is a time where you will sit and cry knowing that it is time to move on and end what has been a very draining and painful life.
You have probably gone through so many tries and if you have decided to search for this topic, then you are still not sure but there is something inside you that already feels it is over.
For those who are still not sure, here are some reasons why it is time to give up on your marriage.
Signs that Your Marriage is Over
Marriages that are over usually have no life to them anymore and the couple have disconnected completely and so much so that they are no longer spending any time together and finding excuses not be with each other.
Couples that are disconnected have nothing left to say to each other, they work longer hours or harder, hang out with friends or anyone else to avoid spending time alone with each other and they will also spend time online to avoid having to spend time with each other.
Marriages that are over have couples that feel relieved when they are away from their partners which means that they are completely disengaged from the marriage.
Anything and everyone of far more interest to them than their spouse and even in conversation, you can see that they are completely not interested and are actually far gone.
One Partner Refuses to Try
Every marriage goes through a fare share of problems and the marriage encounters and rebounds from things like infidelity, abuse, the loss of a family member, financial loss and even long periods without physical contact.
If one spouse repeatedly brings up an issue or asks for help and makes it clear that the marriage is in trouble and the couple need to work on the issues, and the other spouse refuses to commit to working on the marriage, then your marriage is in trouble and it is time to call it quits.
Most marriages have one spouse that is willing and dying to try to fix things and they go through all sorts of suggestions and efforts to try to make things work to no avail, as the other partner feels as though it is a "detention" when communication about problems comes up. The spouse that is wanting to try and save the marriage comes up with all sorts of suggestions or they don't even get the chance to do that, instead are shut down by their spouse who is not willing or not understanding that there is a serious problem.
A marriage is not one sided and both partners can feel the disconnect but it takes two to fix it and if there is no co- operation from both sides then it is time to give it up and move forward out of the marriage.
Loss of Respect in Marriage
There are many important factors in a marriage and mutual respect is one of the most important ones.
When a partner feels ignored, rejected, dismissed and belittled and the spouse refuses to talk through the problems then the marriage is over.
Partners that raise their voice and repremand their spouse in front of others or their kids consistently and cannot see that they are wrong, finding all sorts of things to pick on until the other spouse has been eaten alive, have reached a bad place and are now on "toxic" ground.
Some marriages are so bad that every little thing upsets the spouse and there is absolutely no good left to say only bad. They will wake up in the morning and have silence or anger and go to bed feeling that exact same way, with or without a goodnight, one partner will be crying themselves to sleep....every night.
This is dangerous as things are no longer civil and the partners are continuously on the attack or defence.
There is more crying and screaming than anything else and a marriage that is always on the attack or defence will eventually lead to a breaking point, where there is no return.
Marriage from Separate Sides
Healthy marriages have a team and the spouses are on the same side. In parenting, household affairs and supporting each other in both career and personal ambitions. They can communicate well and work through anything together. Decisions are made as a team and they defend each other every step of the way.
A broken marriage and one that is in serious trouble has the partners on two completely separate sides where decisions are done separately and they are not working together on anything.
Children suffer the most in this instance because one parent will say something and the other one will fight it as if they are in a war and have to oppose each and every move.
Your marriage is over when both partners are going in completely different directions with decisions both financial and personal as well as in their parenting.
In this case one spouse will feel completely isolated and left out, either following blindly or going in another direction away from the team that once was.
Do you think there is a time when you need to give up on your marriage?
Keep the past in the past
Keeping The Past in the Present
If a spouse has been unfaithful and decides to keep the adulterer as a friend then there is no way that the marriage will ever work.
A friend that has made your spouse unhappy cannot be in your inner circle and the decision to end the friendship, even if it was not an adulterous one, should be easy.
The past is good for memories and partners should communicate and be able to speak about their past, however when a spouse brings the past into the present, then there is a chance that the marriage will break eventually.
Photo's of ex girlfriends and friends from the past should be thrown out the day that you get married, this includes tapes and any clothing or memorabilia too. Souvenirs from the past should also be kept in a place away from your present life as this shows that there is no regard for your present and if the past out weighs the present, then there is no hope of mending your marriage.
Leaving your spouse out of your life and history by communicating and befriending people from your past can only lead to a spouse feeling neglected, isolated and one of them will become emotionally attached to someone else and the other will disconnect and become emotionally strained.
Marriage should be a priority and friends, past and present should not be a priority over a spouse.
If a partner has told a spouse that they are unhappy with the past being involved in the present and the spouse is not willing to change it, then the marriage is over.
A Lack of Compromise
A major part of a marriage is being able to ensure that your partners needs are met as well as your own.
Constant communication is required to make a marriage work and it is a lifelong commitment of give and take.
If one spouse is not willing to listen, try or even speak up about what they need then the marriage is in serious trouble.
Marriage is about give and take and compromise as no one person is the same, which means that at times there will be a conflict of interest and it is up to both partners to ensure that both partners are happy and satisfied in every way possible.
Once a marriage is over a spouse will not care to ensure that the other partner knows about how they feel or they won't care about what the other spouse needs. This leads to a self absorbed spouse who is only concerned about what they want and need without the care or concern of anyone else.
One partner can try to communicate what they want and the other will not want to back down, in this case the mariage is far from being able to mend and it is time to start filing.
The Liar and the Cheat
If one spouse is a serial cheater or a liar they will blame the other spouse for being jealous or they will be angry that their spouse does not want them to have other women in their lives.
Some people have good intentions for marriage but they are just not cut out to be faithful or loyal and this leads to hurt and emotional pain for the other spouse.
A cheater or liar will blame the other spouse of being too controlling and they will find any reason to be angry and play the blame game when they know that they have been caught out.
A liar or cheater will feel no remorse for lying and they will go as far as to make up stories to break the other partner down or to make them feel inferior.
A liar and a cheater can not be trusted and where there is no trust, there is no relationship.
Once a partner has lied and cheated then your marriage is over.
Marriage is about communication and partners should know exactly where they stand on having children, future plans and problems that they are facing.
Marriages that lack personal and intimate exchanges are in serious trouble, especially when you are talking to someone else.
Plans that have been made by a spouse and left for the other to hear via the grapevine can lead to serious issues.
Emotions should be communicated and marriage should have two partners who are willing to be open and completely honest with each other. A spouse should be the person that you are wanting to communicate with and conversation on social media with strangers or friends and not with your spouse means that it is over and there is nothing left to say.
A marriage that has mundane and boring conversation or small talk like; "What's for dinner, did you buy milk?" has reached the end of the road.
Your Marriage is Over
Once you have gone through all the signs and you have seen that most of these are in your marriage, then it is time to call it a day.
Marriage is sacred and partners should feel love, they should want to work on issues and problems, they are willing to give up everything and put their marriage first before anything and if a partner is not willing to work on a marriage or you have tried and continue to come back to the same issues and arguments, then it is time to give it up.
Giving up on a marriage that is full of lies, lacks communication and physical contact, does not mean that you are sinning and you will regret the decision.
It might hurt at first and you will feel defeated but isn't that how you have been feeling anyway?
Emotional connection and physical connection is important in a marriage and if you have tried and continue to come back to the same issue and problems, with things getting worse and worse each time, completely disconnected and perhaps one connected emotionally elsewhere, then you have tried everything and it is time to give up on your marriage, surrender and start a new life.
It does not mean that you cannot be friends again but the marriage is just not working and it never will, come to terms with it and begin again.
If you are there for the sake of children, then you are doing them no good by staying in a marriage that does not show love, devotion or unity and all your children come home to is arguing, crying and desrespect then you are actually doing them a favour by giving up and allowing everyone some peace.