What Are We? Why You Need to Define that Relationship?
Defining Your Relationship or Defining That Relationship (Dtr)
It is important to define the relationship that you are in the moment you realise that things are starting to change and that feelings are beginning to evolve, basically because it helps curbs your expectation. It also helps you to know whether you should even have expectations in the first place, especially when you are at that point that you have started to catch feelings, or you are starting to feel something for this person.
Hence, before you go too far or go too deep with this person and then at the end of the day you find out that you were only dating yourself, you need to define that relationship. Well, except if you are supposed to play this game, where you both never share what you are feeling, the game of who can act nonchalantly while also making the person crazy about you. That game, it's not worth it.
However, if you are the kind of person that likes to date with purpose, and you like to know where exactly a certain relationship is heading and what exactly you are doing, then you defining that relationship or having that conversation might be for you. Whether you are a guy or a girl, take that step to define that relationship.
Why do you DTR?
So then, why do you need to ask such question of what are we? Or defining that relationship.
Here are the reasons why you have to DTR.
It shuts down or elevates your expectation whatever the case maybe depending on what the outcome of that question is. This is because, what you expect from someone that is your boyfriend or girlfriend, you can’t expect the same things from someone that is just a friend.Friends should be accountable to each other but you need to know what you can expect from such a person.
For example, when it is valentine’s day, are you expecting that person to do something with you or get you something nice? or is it we are just friends so we can just chill all by ourselves.
It basically just helps curb expectation. Although, such question might be difficult for you to ask, especially if you are a girl, it could be awkward and make you feel uncomfortable. But at the same time, you don’t want to put yourself in the position that you are in a relationship where you can’t even ask a question that is as simple as ‘what are we?’
It might be uncomfortable but at the end of the day, the person you are asking should be able to make you comfortable enough to ask such a question. That’s the kind of person you would want to date not someone that would keep you on edge every time.
Peace of mind
It gives you the sense of peace and knowledge every single time you think about your status. You are not thinking of someone else when you go to bed at night to sleep when the person probably doesn’t even give a thought to you in a single day. You also can have this at the back of your mind that you are a free bird and that you can mingle as much as you want until you find the one for you.
Therefore, this helps settle your mind concerning that relationship. Also, defining your relationship is healthy for your friendship. When both of you are on the same page. For instance, in a situation where you are a single lady and you have this cute guy as a friend and you probably have multiple guys around you as friends and you are doing so many things that you could be doing together if you were dating, then it is important for you to know what you are exactly, so that both of you have a peaceful and healthy friendship or relationship. Whatever the case maybe.
Gives direction and Bridges miscommunication
As difficult as it might seem to ask the question of ‘what are we?’ it is important you do so, mainly because it gives your relationship direction and it puts you both on the same page. It shouldn’t be a situation whereby you are thinking long term and the other person is thinking short term. This is why you have to ask that question today, it gives the direction the relationship is meant to be. That way you don’t get heartbroken when it could have been avoided initially. It puts both of you on the same page, nobody is confused about anything plus there won’t be any form of miscommunication, where one of you begins to say ‘oh, I assumed... I thought... Maybe because we always do this and that together’ there won’t be a need for all of that and there won’t be any form of miscommunication.
You ask a question, you get a clear answer, there is no room for, ‘I’m not yet sure…Maybe…let’s see how it goes’ or any other answers along those lines. You ask the question of 'what are we?' ' What kind of relationship is this?' 'What are we doing?' And you get a clear clean answer that would suffice. Don’t let it go until you are satisfied.
When do you define that relationship?
1. You need to ask such question when you begin to see that person more than just a friend. As soon as you start feeling a certain way about this person and you start to put him or her in a box. Where you are not sure if the person even wants to be in a relationship with you. Then you need to ask the question. Similarly, as soon as you realise you have started to develop feelings for that person, although, that’s a long time to wait before asking such a question, because what happens when the person just sees you as a friend. But if you find yourself in the situation where you are already feeling butterflies in your stomach when this person comes around you but you are still not clear if you are in a relationship with such a person, or you are still not clear of the person’s intention towards you. then you should clear it and just ask the question.
2. When you begin to notice that the person is acting in more than a friendly way, then you need to ask such question.When a guy or a girl is just a friend there are certain things they would do, also when a guy or a girl is more than just a friend, there are certain things they would do or start to do.As soon as you realise this person is buying you gifts, he travels to London and buys you stuffs, saying ‘I saw that and I thought of you, I bought these for you’ and it appears that you are the only one he has eyes for, he comes to your house and doesn’t want to leave, he gets jealous when other guys are all over you and many other signals. As soon as you notice these things and that the person starts to act more than just a friend or a certain way, you need to ask the question. Even if you are not interested in the person, nothing stops you from asking the question, it helps clear things out for that person as well.
3. As soon as it starts getting complicated, like; ‘What are we? We are kinda dating but …I’m not really sure what we are… maybe we are…’ You don’t need all that drama and would not want to be in that situation, therefore as soon as it starts to get that complicated. You gather all the courage you need and pop the question. You could say, ‘You know I was thinking… I just wanted to know, what are we?’ Something along those lines. Whatever you do, just ask. Don’t let anybody trick you into any situation where by you are seeing each other but also seeing other people, its either you are dating each other or you are not dating at all. It’s that simple.
After all, that’s what dating is all about, you date, it doesn’t work out, you break up, you date someone else. Not that you date several people at the same time. You really don’t need all that.
So, you need to define that relationship, if not for anything but for your own peace of mind.
If you are not sure if you want to be with a person then don’t bother dating the person. Don’t waste the person’s time. There is nothing like, ‘let’s just see how it goes.’ At what age! Maybe if you are still sixteen years of age or eighteen you can say that and truly see how it goes but at the age of twenty-eight, thirty! Where you are clearer about your purpose and direction in life. That’s just not something you want to get yourself into. Don’t get caught up in all these exclusivity nonsense, that’s just an easy way to mess around. Dating is already enough work for you to be dating multiple people at the same time. It’s not necessary. Just decide if you like this person enough to date him/her.
Once you have laid down your thoughts and feelings to this other person, you listen to what they have to say and then you can take it up from there. It's either you start a relationship from there or not. At the very least, you will know where you stand and that is the essence of having the DTR conversation.