- Gender and Relationships
Being An Individual
It is important to always be an individual and do what feels right to you. There are many women who look forward to getting together with their friends for a lunch, but what if such a social gathering causing you to feel a sense of dread? Is it normal not to get together with a large group of woman for a wine and dine lunch, and to only have a couple of friends you talk to once and awhile? I think it is because not everyone is a social butterfly, and some people actually prefer solitude over socializing.
Some women are introverts growing up, but others just realize they will never fit in with a group of women bonding over common interests such as high-end fashion trends, or a favorite show. Like if you cannot afford cable TV and everyone else is watching that reality show, you probably sound like a nerd for reading old paperbacks and watch over the air TV. One remedy to this situation is to make a lot of male friends, but another is just to take a solitary walk in the woods. We live in a culture that says you must have friends and you need to have friends to thrive, but there can come a time when friends is more stifling to who an individual is. Sure a shy and accommodating person could speak up in a group of women and make their preferences heard, but sometimes us type of gals just prefer to do what we like in solitude. I personally hate the debating about where we should go with a group of ladies, and would rather just make my decision in peace and go to the movie on my own.
Friendship can be a wonderful treasure, and having someone to confide in is comforting. However, some of us just never fall into the category of being able to socialize with a large group of women. When I was a kid I could get along talking with one girl just fine, but when several joined the mix, there were always many personalities striving to be the queen bee as it were. For instance, one girl would make the decisions about what we were going to do, or what we were going to watch, and the quieter or more accommodating girls would go along with it because they felt they needed to please everyone else. I learned growing up I would let others make the entertainment decisions in social situations because I did not feel like people valued my input much. Thus, when it came down to going to movies sometimes I would rather go myself, or just go for a walk in nature.
I learned as an adult not much changes when you are surrounded by a group of women who share certain interests you cannot muster to feign passing interest in. At the moment I work as much as I can to pay the bills, but I do not have money to buy lots of new clothes, or go vacations even. I think buying clothes and going on vacations would be fun, but I live in my economic reality, and I have learned to create my own forms of entertainment. When some women share on Facebook how they bought a cute new dress, and everyone is gushing over it, I am happy for them but know I could not afford that at the moment.
Actually, as an adult woman I am happy I can afford to pay my bills, have a place to live, and can go on nature walks for exercise. I do not need a large bank account to feel accomplished, and there was a time when I was making more money and I could buy certain luxuries, but I also remember not being as content back then. I enjoy now being able to go to the on solitary nature walks, and working on hobbies. I enjoy my sense of fashion style that is not trendy, but is actually based on some of my shirts I have designed myself. A couple of people are nice and comment on how I always look good, and I appreciate their comments, but I do not hear this from a large number of people. I am not the one wearing the trendy outfit, and that is okay.
Yikes, every woman is dying her hair these days, but I have stopped because I honestly cannot afford it. I thought about doing the at home dyes, but I am horrible at it, and it only looked good when a stylist did it. No, I do not even have the budget to afford to go to a student run salon, so I am embracing my natural hair color with a couple of grays. I love how my hair sparkles in the sun, and I know my plain jane hair makes me stand out in a group of women who get their styled for a hundred dollars a session. I really do stand out among the group of women who preen over each others professionally manicured nails and hair, and they probably just think I am the boring one. Oh well, I am feel better not putting all the chemical junk on my hair anyway, and we all go gray eventually. I mean who is kidding who when a sixty-something year old person has raven black hair. Some people might, but most would have a great deal of salt and pepper by then.
After feeling sorry for myself and my hair, I discovered henna, which is natural and covers the gray hair. Also, I have been air drying my hair and using coconut oil as a styling product, and my hair has grown long and thick. I now get a lot of compliments, and no longer even want to step foot in a salon. When you tweak your perspective a bit, you can realize sometimes there is a silver lining.