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Gold Diggers & Beauty Seekers

Updated on June 15, 2014
Elaine Flowers profile image

Elaine Flowers began her writing career in 2004 and is a Dallas Morning News bestselling author with 5 fiction and 1 non-fictiction titles.

He wants a beautiful woman on his arm

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? And a man is well within his right to be attracted to whomever he deems beautiful. Everyone has their own preferences and someone nice to look at and date seems perfectly normal. A man sees a beautiful woman and he does whatever it takes to get her, in most cases. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.


Going for the gold!

So, why is there something wrong with what women want? Why does wanting financial security make a woman a gold digger? This question came to me when a friend of mine joined an online dating site. Her profile picture was a headshot and one possible suitor, off the bat, asked her about her body type. Was she “correctly proportioned to her height,” was how he put it. She is a lovely woman from head to toe but when she responded with asking him why he hadn’t asked about her personality and why he was so focused on her body, he obviously took that as an admission to her being over weight or out of shape and promptly blocked her.

Everyone can relate to those moments when you wish you could have a ‘do over’ and what you would say, given the chance. Afterwards she was so insulted and was sorry that the opportunity was lost to show him what he was going to miss out on. She admitted that, even though she was not interested in him after that telltale sign of him lacking any depth, she would’ve loved to reject him first. In our conversation, we laughed and thought of all the great responses that would’ve hopefully enlightened that fool on his rude behavior.

Point, Click, Flirt!


Here are some ways the conversation could've gone down:

Him: What’s your body type?

Her: What’s your annual salary?

Him: Do you work out?

Her: Do you know your FICO score?

Him: What’s your dress size?

Her: What size is your…?


I think you know where this slippery slope is headed. Men want a fat (PHAT) ass and women want a fat wallet.

Beauty and looks are important to men and financial security is what’s important to women. Society seems to frown upon the latter. Women who consider a man’s money when dating, soon feel ashamed and become much more forgiving than men are in this same way.

What women want...

What's your take?

Do you think it's wrong for women to first consider a man's wealth when dating?

See results

Why does society say it's wrong?

It is much more common for a woman to say, “I understand that you’re between jobs right now so we can stay in and watch a video.” But rarely would you hear a guy say, “Yeah, she’s a little cock-eyed and her hair won’t grow, but she’s gonna be mine.” That ain’t happening.

There are a lot of double standards where gender is concerned and some of them are necessary, in my opinion. And before you become confused with an earlier post on independent women, this is not the same discussion or a contradiction.

So again, I ask, if it’s okay for men, why isn’t it okay for women?


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    • Elaine Flowers profile image

      Elaine Flowers 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Lesley, you're right. Even if a woman has her own, she still wants a man who is capable of 'upgrading' her.

    • Elaine Flowers profile image

      Elaine Flowers 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      DashingScorpio, the idea that women criticizing each other is the reason for the double standard is certainly one I hadn't thought of. Women are very hard on each other and you've probably given me an idea for another blog. Good stuff!

    • profile image

      Lesley Hal 3 years ago

      This is so true. I've never thought about it this way. If men are getting what they want, what's wrong with a woman wanting financial security. Personally, I believe a woman should have her own, but there's nothing wrong with making her sure her mate is just as secure. I mean who wants a man with nothing to offer but a stiff one? Unfortunately, a lot of women are settling for a warm body and a stiff one just to say they have a man. While I love being embraced in strong arms and laying on a massive chest, I also love knowing that once the cuddling is done, that he can get up and take care of things financially as well.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      I agree women are criticized harsher only because (women attack other women!) That is the main issue with the double standard in my opinion.

      For example a man who sleeps around is actually looked down upon by women. I've never known any woman who thought being with a man who has sex with a lot of other women is a "cool" thing.

      Guys don't care what women think until they're "in love" with a specific woman. Another difference is (other men are not going to put him down) for having sex with a lot of women. In fact many may "look up to him".

      Now if we took a woman who had sex with a lot of men. Her "sisters" are NOT going to look up to her. They'll be (the first) to call her a "hoe" or "slut". It makes me wonder (what if women did not put each other down?)

      Suppose it was only the men who put such women down and only the women who put such men down. Neither gender would experience being "doubly attacked". When I hear complaints about the "double standard" women in particular complain about (men) and their attitudes. I think if women complained about other women putting them down that might be more effective route to take. True equality would be women supporting other women's lifestyle choices and not giving a damn what the men think. This is exactly how it is for men.

      The only reason why I can think it will never happen is because many women feel threatened by women who behave like men when it comes to dating and sex. The "traditional women" blame the "progressive women" for how men are treating them. Imagine one woman using Steve Harvey's "90 day rule" regarding sex and her "competition" is willing to have sex on the first or third date. The 90 day woman becomes angry with the other woman for being a "hoe" in her opinion. This would never be the case with two men. We don't believe (other men) determine our ability to find or keep a mate. We're not competing to find wives!

      My guess is this is the reason why so many women do care what men think. Having a husband is a higher priority for them than it is for men to have a wife. Any half decent looking man with a job feels he can get married whenever he chooses. Not many guys (seriously) believe "good women" are hard to find.

    • Elaine Flowers profile image

      Elaine Flowers 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      DashingScorpio, that is very interesting. I never thought that men were criticized, or not to any degree that mattered, but maybe it is that they don't care so I hadn't noticed. Men don't feel bad about wanting an 'attractive' woman and women try to hide how they truly feel about a man's finances. But you must admit that women are criticized more harshly on the subject.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Life is a personal journey.

      Each of us is entitled to have our own (preferences). Your statement: "Beauty and looks are important to men and financial security is what’s important to women. Society seems to frown upon the latter." is interesting.

      Actually (men) are often called "shallow" by society for focusing so much on physical appearance. I think one of the main differences between men and women is in how men do not care what "society" or (women) say about them. If a man sleeps around and women call him "a no good dog" or "an a-hole" odds are he is not going to lose any sleep over it.

      I believe men who are multi-millionaires, world famous, or men of power could care less whether a woman is with them because of what they own. In fact many young males are groomed to believe; "If I become successful I can have (any) woman I want."

      Even in the gangster movie "Scarface" the character Al Pacino plays; Tony Montana says: "First you get the money, then you get the power, and then you get the woman." In other words the more a man has the better looking women he has to choose from.

      It's the poor or average earning guys who get upset with women who are looking to be taken care of. Eighty-one year old Donald Sterling the billionaire racist owner of the NBA Clippers didn't feel like he was being "used" when he gave his mistress (31 year old) "V" a $1.5 million condo, a Bentley, and a Ferrari. "Sugar Daddies" love "Sugar Babies". :-)

      People hate rejection and when it happens they instinctively we want to slam them for rejecting us instead of simply acknowledging we're not "the one" for (them).

      A guy who doesn't want to date overweight women is no different than a woman who does not want to date men who are shorter than she is! We're all entitled to like what we like or want what we want without needing the approval of others. When it comes to online dating both men and women have been (fooled) with profile photos and disappointed when they finally meet. This tends to make people "bolder" when it comes to asking questions about things that matter to them.