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Good Selling... Better for Dating?

Updated on June 29, 2014
attention starts comunication.
attention starts comunication. | Source

How They Got Started

A man I met wanted me to show him how to sell his girlfriend on marrying him. Unfortunately, though they were dating, he had not been able to get past the platonic stage with her. Occasional lunches in public venues had become the norm for their meeting. While they both enjoyed each other's company, he felt he was not making progress beyond friendship. He liked the woman a lot, even had fallen in love with her, but he wondered how he might close her on having a permanent relationship with him. Thus, he asked me if my selling technology could help his situation.

You see, I have written and published several books on sales. I've had success in training scores of salespeople.

Selling and Dating Are Alike

"Selling technology can help you," I told him, "... because selling and dating are alike: they both follow the rules of communication and both have an agreement at the end, if all goes well."

We met in a local coffee shop to discuss how I could help him.

"Communication requires, at minimum, two people -- one to give and one to receive a message. Add to that a line on which a message can travel. Figure in attention on the other party from both ends of the line."

Communication Lines


I likened what I said to him to be similar to a series of telephone poles along a highway. Phone calls, being a form of communication with lines and terminals carrying messages back and forth to interested parties, are a good analogy. He acknowledged and understood this readily.

"Anything you say or do to get another person to look at you, at first, is legitimate if it makes that person notice you and be willing to listen. Without this basic ingredient -- attention on you -- communication is not possible. Further connection (or a sale) is impossible."

"So, it's the presence of two people that counts?" he asked.

"That's right. Two people looking at each other and acknowledging each other's presence initiates a selling situation. And that is the same for a dating situation."

It was obvious that my acquaintance had established a line of communication with his girl. They were dating regularly. But he wasn't moving forward toward his desired end-point. What he needed now was something that would engage (no pun intended) her interest.


Birthday Surprise

As her birthday was coming up soon, and he knew she liked female singers -- she is a singer -- I suggested that he buy her a song book for her birthday and give it to her ahead of the special day.

"Such a book," I pointed out, "... will interest her and show her you are interestedin her and not trying to be interesting."

(In sales, a prospect's interest is achieved by directing attention toward the items or idea that is being sold. This is best accomplished by pointing out specific features of the product in order to move the prospect's attention and interest where you want it. The process proves to the prospect that you have their needs in mind, not yours.)

I then suggested, "Next, I want you to buy a blank birthday card and an envelope. Your message inside of the card, which you will write-in, is this: 'Happy Birthday! Which do you choose?' Below you draw in four boxes aligned to four choices of things to do on her birthday. You stick the envelope with the card inside of the book and let her find it and send you a reply."

I explained that an interested prospect can be made to reach toward what you are selling -- in his case a birthday date and a long-term relationship -- by suggesting things the prospect could have or own as a result of possessing the product. A reaching prospect can be, and should be, asked immediately to buy the product.

In the gentleman's case, his question, 'Which do you choose?' would accomplish the completion of his intended "sale." Once his girl friend marked one of the choices, she would be "sold" on the date. And their relationship would be advanced, after his choices narrowed her options to more intimate dating situations.

Sales Tech Triumph

The Technique Worked

The book and card did the trick, and the man got the date of his dreams with the woman he loved.

At the restaurant she chose for their dinner date she told him, 'You know, you are amazing. I never thought you could be so thoughtful. I've had a wonderful birthday with you and I'm looking for more.'

One date led to another. The last I heard, the couple are engaged and preparing for the big day!

So, yes, better dating takes application of better, simple selling technology can be applied to, and improve, even the dating world. In today's world, using selling technique might just separate the men from the boys when it comes to romance.


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© 2013 Ronald Joseph Kule


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