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How To Avoid Gossip And Stop Letting It Destroy Your Life

Updated on September 8, 2013

Gossip is something I have grown to have a strong distaste for. It destroys relationships and creates unnecessary havoc. It is truly one of the seven deadly sins. Wait! (Laughing) I don't think it is one but it is definitely on the list of the Ten Commandments, number 8: Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Thy Neighbor!!!

I have experienced today some awful gossip, actually it wasn't severe, but it was just enough to throw me off, if you know what I mean? I have been spending the past month helping my Mom among other things, and today a verbal argument broke out between her and another person who lives here. I hadn't seen or heard much trouble in the whole past month until today. I know for a fact that in the past, my family always was on better behavior when company was around, and I also observed that since I have been a guest, things have been fairly great up until today. I can feel things starting to decline. And I know it's just a matter of time. In fact I knew this before this happened.

Honestly, I don't like drama or fighting because I grew up in a very chaotic home. Some people I have known in the past might disagree, because I used to argue a lot, BUT! I think it was because I learned it from my Mom and also....I was a lot younger then. I have learned and grown up or matured!

Anyway, one of the parties ended up venting to me of which I didn't really mind at the time, but I realized later how unhealthy it was because now it involves me. And even thought it wasn't about me per say, it puts me in a bad position because, I was listening to someone speak ill of another- of someone who I hold dear- MY MOM- and I feel guilty in fact for doing so. And so I should. Because gossip occurs when one listens as well.




Sometimes even good intentions lead to bad inventions ~Rose Amrhein
Sometimes even good intentions lead to bad inventions ~Rose Amrhein | Source

I've never watched this show "Gossip Girl" have you?!

Why Does Gossip Exist In Your Life?

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Remove Gossip From Your Life

In the past few years, I began a process of "elimination" whereby I rid myself of unhealthy relationships. What I mean by this, is that I began to realize how certain "gossipers" in my life were making me miserable and I took a stand to go so far as stop communicating with at least one.

This has saved me much unnecessary misery and given me much more peace of mind!

Here are some suggestions from my experience of how to do this yourself.

  • Start off with why you allow people to gossip in your life, or make you miserable. Is it:
  1. You are so used to it
  2. You feel you deserve it
  3. You are afraid to stand up to stop it
  4. You are afraid to lose a friend

Now that you have possibly identified why, you can take steps to work on this. Here are some helpful suggestions on how to deal with why you put up with gossip.

  1. Read/learn about codependency. Many people often are so stuck in unhealthy relationships and feel helpless and consider themselves codependent benefit from CODA- codependency support meetings! My first book I read on codependency was by Melody Beattie. I will post a link below.
  2. Develop Assertiveness to be able to stand up to people and tell them they make you uncomfortable. Do this by personal therapy, group therapy, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Start practicing setting limits and boundaries with people. Little by little over time, you can change!
  3. If you feel you deserve to be mistreated, STOP right now, and understand no one deserves to be mistreated!


It Takes Time

It's only natural to assume that ridding your life of gossip will take time. Nothing negative goes away 100% but we can always work on it, on a daily basis. For some people, spirituality helps and daily practices of prayer and meditation. For others, they have ways they stay positive whether it be sharing jokes, positive quotes, or having a smoke!

Either way, you can do it. It just takes time. Start by evaluating the people in your life. Make a list of them all, and put pros and cons next to all their names. Now put all the positive effects they have on you, and all the negative effects they have on you. [You can even call it "negatives" and "positives" or whatever makes you comfortable!]

After doing this, you should identify which people have the most cons or "negatives". Now you can focus on troubleshooting how to stop it!


From someone who's done it!

Personally, I had an overly strong attachment to two people in my life who happened to be relatives, which can often be the case, because we acquire many of our strengths and weaknesses in our youth by our environment. But you can change all that!

I gave up talking to the worst of the two all together for months and they stopped contacting me or bothering me. Eventually they became an acquaintance. Second, I limited my contact with the other person, especially at times I felt more vulnerable than usual, and also I decided once and for all not to answer the phone if I was tired or not in the mood to talk!

That last one is VERY important!!!

For Fun!

Comments

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    • blondey profile imageAUTHOR

      Blondey Hubpages 

      19 months ago

      Thank you Audrey for the compliment. It sure feels good to live a healthier life these days- emotionally. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      19 months ago from California

      Such a great hub and such good advice! Gossip is so harmful--

    • blondey profile imageAUTHOR

      Blondey Hubpages 

      4 years ago

      Thanks D.J.! Lately a lot of my hubs have been said to be possible HOTD's and so I'm working harder. lol.

      Bullying is a huge problem I agree. Oh, it must be so horrible to be a kid today with bullying with all I hear about it going on online etc etc.

      Turn the other cheek? Eww....awful stuff to be a kid today for many :/

      I would encourage them to please do not pay attention to what other kids says. It's a reflection of THEM not you!

      God help us. Let us pray for those poor kids who are treated that way.

    • blondey profile imageAUTHOR

      Blondey Hubpages 

      4 years ago

      Dear Jackie, I agree completely.

      Especially since we are women, I dare say we are all too familiar with this, because IMO women are worse at this then men! I often love hanging out with men instead !!!! Less talking=less gossip!!!

    • blondey profile imageAUTHOR

      Blondey Hubpages 

      4 years ago

      Really Martin? Jealous people LOL? hahahahaha funny !!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the read and comment!

    • blondey profile imageAUTHOR

      Blondey Hubpages 

      4 years ago

      Wonderful to see you Faith. I heard that people who gossiped too much suffer terribly in Purgatory with worms eating their tongue! (Whether that's accurate or not,,,, it sure describes well how awful gossip is!)

    • blondey profile imageAUTHOR

      Blondey Hubpages 

      4 years ago

      Hi there Curiad. I love your western hat :) Thanks

    • profile image

      DJ Anderson 

      4 years ago

      Great article, Blondey!

      This is a subject matter that should be brought to the attention

      of many. Gossip can easily turn to bullying with younger people.

      And, bullying can turn to aggression, all too quickly.

      You have done an excellent job with this article. You have identified

      the problems of gossip and talked about the harm it does.

      You have included video and even a place to vote.

      Beautiful job, Blondey!

      DJ.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Gossip is horrible and it may not even be bearing false witness but it still is very wrong, for even the truth used against someone is very mean. ^

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 

      4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for this. One advantage of being Martin is jealous people dare not say anything bad of him.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      4 years ago from southern USA

      Excellent hub dearest Rose!

      Yes, He tells us this in His Word in Proverbs 16:28 - It separates friends!

      When such occurs, it destroys friendships and all other relationships and then builds distrust even among family members.

      Although the tongue is so tiny, it can bring much harm indeed.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and truth here. I appreciate you writing on this most important issue that seems to, sadly, be a part of everyday life. So very destructive and leaves scars.

      Voted up +++ and sharing

      God bless you, Faith Reaper

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 

      4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      This is very well written. It is also a very common problem in today's society.

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