The Secret to a Great Relationship
Good Communication is the Cornerstone
When a couple is courting, they never seem to have any difficulty talking to and understanding each other. However, once they get married, many couples complain that good communication is the first thing that dies down.
It’s a common complaint to hear the wife say that the hubby is more interested in the television or newspaper than hearing what she has to say. Husbands on the other hand gripe that their wives do not understand them and their needs.
How do we sort this out?
Some couples do this by educating themselves by reading books and/or attending seminars on communication skills, while others opt for the services of a professional counselor or talk to a knowledgeable friend. Whatever the case may be, a couple must be willing to come to a place where they are willing to learn and change.
A good understanding of gender differences is an important factor in learning to communicate properly and effectively. Men and women are different in how they express themselves as well as how they receive and handle the information.
Problem: Communications Gap
When we were dating, my husband and I could talk for hours about anything and everything. Now that we are married, we practically don’t have anything to say to each other. What went wrong?
Your problem isn’t unique; millions of couples around the world experience this “transformation”. When courtship is over, most people find it difficult to express themselves openly and honestly. This is truer of men than women. Research shows that little girls have greater linguistic ability than little boys and this ability remains as a lifelong talent. As an adult the girl expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than the hubby and is often irritated by his uncommunicativeness.
Simply put; God gave women 10,000 words per day and the hubby around 5.000 words. He comes home and he already would have used up 4975 words and merely grunts through the evening while the wife still has 5000 words more to expend!
Marriage counselors know that the inability of husbands to reveal their inner thoughts to their wives is the most common complaint of all. A wife is very curious of how the hubby’s day went, his views of the kids and most importantly, how he feels about her. The hubby on the other hand, finds some things are better left unsaid. That’s the problem right there.
It is important that couples allow the time to talk and listen with each other about the challenges they each face in life, as well as the joys and concerns about their life together. Should one person refuse to discuss matters of concern for the other, the risk is one or both people eventually reaching the point where the relationship may not be sufficiently satisfying and nourishing for them. In the situation where neither person is talking, there is no way of addressing the problems or preventing the situation from worsening.
A marriage and committed intimate relationship is not static. Relationships are frequently messy and challenging, and to succeed, a couple will always require the fundamental relationship skill of communication.
Healthy communications is a skill that can be learned and it is a skill that has to be practiced consistently. You and your spouse can and will overcome the problem if you guys will get it out in the open and work on communications together. It is often said that a good marriage is hard work, but having a bad one is easy. It requires no effort.
© 2008 Shanti Rose