ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Secret to a Great Relationship

Updated on July 21, 2018

Good Communication is the Cornerstone

 

When a couple is courting, they never seem to have any difficulty talking to and understanding each other. However, once they get married, many couples complain that good communication is the first thing that dies down.

It’s a common complaint to hear the wife say that the hubby is more interested in the television or newspaper than hearing what she has to say. Husbands on the other hand gripe that their wives do not understand them and their needs.

 

How do we sort this out?

 

Some couples do this by educating themselves by reading books and/or attending seminars on communication skills, while others opt for the services of a professional counselor or talk to a knowledgeable friend. Whatever the case may be, a couple must be willing to come to a place where they are willing to learn and change.

A good understanding of gender differences is an important factor in learning to communicate properly and effectively. Men and women are different in how they express themselves as well as how they receive and handle the information.

Problem: Communications Gap

When we were dating, my husband and I could talk for hours about anything and everything. Now that we are married, we practically don’t have anything to say to each other. What went wrong?

Your problem isn’t unique; millions of couples around the world experience this “transformation”. When courtship is over, most people find it difficult to express themselves openly and honestly. This is truer of men than women. Research shows that little girls have greater linguistic ability than little boys and this ability remains as a lifelong talent. As an adult the girl expresses her feelings and thoughts far better than the hubby and is often irritated by his uncommunicativeness.

Simply put; God gave women 10,000 words per day and the hubby around 5.000 words. He comes home and he already would have used up 4975 words and merely grunts through the evening while the wife still has 5000 words more to expend!

Marriage counselors know that the inability of husbands to reveal their inner thoughts to their wives is the most common complaint of all. A wife is very curious of how the hubby’s day went, his views of the kids and most importantly, how he feels about her. The hubby on the other hand, finds some things are better left unsaid. That’s the problem right there.

It is important that couples allow the time to talk and listen with each other about the challenges they each face in life, as well as the joys and concerns about their life together. Should one person refuse to discuss matters of concern for the other, the risk is one or both people eventually reaching the point where the relationship may not be sufficiently satisfying and nourishing for them. In the situation where neither person is talking, there is no way of addressing the problems or preventing the situation from worsening.

The Solution

A marriage and committed intimate relationship is not static. Relationships are frequently messy and challenging, and to succeed, a couple will always require the fundamental relationship skill of communication.

Healthy communications is a skill that can be learned and it is a skill that has to be practiced consistently. You and your spouse can and will overcome the problem if you guys will get it out in the open and work on communications together. It is often said that a good marriage is hard work, but having a bad one is easy. It requires no effort.

© 2008 Shanti Rose

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Crystal Concepts profile imageAUTHOR

      Shanti Rose 

      12 years ago from Spain

      thanks very much for the vote of confidence candie33!!

      cheers!!

    • candie33 profile image

      candie33 

      12 years ago from Atl,Ga

      I like your answers.Couples should believe in one another.

    • Crystal Concepts profile imageAUTHOR

      Shanti Rose 

      12 years ago from Spain

      hi yojspew!! its never too late to fix a broken relationship. just keep the solution in mind all the time.

    • yojspew profile image

      yojspew 

      12 years ago

      This is true...noq my boyfriend and I are in this stage wherein we are having a hard time to communicate. It's really a hard and painful stage but we are trying to fix it. I just hope it won't be too late.

    • Crystal Concepts profile imageAUTHOR

      Shanti Rose 

      12 years ago from Spain

      you're right raj,attraction has something to do with it.

    • profile image

      raj3962 

      12 years ago

      lack of attraction

    • Crystal Concepts profile imageAUTHOR

      Shanti Rose 

      12 years ago from Spain

      Thanks guys!!!

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 

      12 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      Good hub! What works for me and my significant other besides the communication which you mentioned, is we don't have ego between us, meaning if he points somethng out to me or vice versa, or if one of us is not in a very good mood,  its not taken personally, so defensiveness does not arise.  This is important in relationships, and life in general, the letting go of the need for ego drama, (as in arguments, demands, etc)  and which I don't see discussed too often in terms of love relationships. Would  also be a good topic for a relationship expert.  :)   

    • MrMarmalade profile image

      MrMarmalade 

      12 years ago from Sydney

      Very well said and very true. You have obviously learnt a lot and put it into action.

      Congratualations

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)