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Growing my Own -- "Meaty" Offers in my Inbox

Updated on December 8, 2010

Total strangers are offering me intimate advice.

Someone must be trash-talking behind my back. I know this, because every day, I get at least 2 emails offering to make my penis bigger.

On average, they promise that by using their product, I’ll gain an additional 2 - 3 inches in length. It’s a pretty amazing claim-- especially since I’m female.

But it’s got me thinking. Suppose I decided I wanted to grow a penis? (And face it, what woman isn’t curious about actual ownership?) At an email average of 5 inches a day, I could sport a whopping 50 yard member by the end of the year. Talk about competing in a man’s world!

Equal opportunity? Man, I’d be poking my way to the top in no time. Out of my way tiny citizens, here comes Queen Dong.

Glass ceiling? Hear it shatter with one great bang of my massive meat hammer. Maitre d’s would give me their best tables. Car mechanics would treat me with respect. And I’d golf at any course I damn well please, always taking the prime tee time.

Heck, I don’t even have to be greedy. A good eight inches should be a big enough key to open all those doors that are locked to women.

Who needs a giant one anyway?. A penis is mostly made up of muscle; and muscle is heavy. I certainly don't want to put on any weight. Then again, if I started to get heavy, no problem. I’d just buy into another email offer -- Lose 10 pounds in a week!

This is just the beginning!
This is just the beginning!


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    • Flexy profile image

      Flexy 7 years ago from New York City

      Rikkie Lee, Every woman who's ever had to pee in a dirty public restroom has had penis envy.

    • Rikkie Lee profile image

      Rikkie Lee 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Hey Flexy ... they are NOT made up of an excessive amount of muscle ... that's usually reserved for the area between a man's ears ... knowing that the bulk of a man's intellect stems from the head of something else!

      But seriously ... how many women do you think actually have (suffer?) with 'penis envy'?

      Do you think it's as high a percentage as men who wear lingerie? That's estimated to be 1 in 10.

      But that's NOT making the assumption that all men who enjoy lingerie have 'vagina envy'.