- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
Guys- A Lesson On Girls
So Many Guys With Their Arms In The Air
Day after day I get questions about what a girl wants or why a girl acts the way she does and I can understand how guys can be so confused when girls say one thing and mean something else.
I'm absolutely guilty of it myself and it's just something that is built in to most if not all women. But the difference is I admit it when I'm doing it (confusing men that is) and own up to my girlishness about it after stomping my feet, crying, and feeling bad for myself.
So I want to give you a little insight into what I know and what men want to understand.
The first is for men who are dating someone, married to someone, or just getting to know someone. Basically do you know a girl? Then this is for you.
The second is for the guy who likes a girl but just doesn't understand why she seems to be 'playing hard to get' or 'difficult to understand'.
Reading Between The Lines.
Sometimes we want you to understand what we really mean by reading between the lines.
There are some girls that will say what they mean every time. You can recognize these girls because you get a normal response to your comments or questions but there are other girls, myself included, who will say the opposite of what they mean and when you give the wrong response we get upset.
It's not your fault. How are you supposed to know that we're looking for a different answer then you give?
For example if we say "Don't worry about picking me up a chocolate bar from the store because I'm feeling super fat and ugly today." Do not respond with "Okay."
The correct response here would be "Oh baby, you are so not fat and ugly. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and I'm getting you a chocolate bar because you deserve one." - Or something with that tone in it will do.
We are looking for you to make us feel better about ourselves by us saying something negative about ourselves. We are looking for the response that's going to uplift us into a state of happiness and appreciation. Well at least a state of feeling validated that we are not fat and ugly.
If we already felt good about ourselves that day we would not say anything bad about our weight and instead say how hot we look.
Side note: Even then an agreement is called for.
Let's try another one.
Lets say you tell us that we are looking good today and we follow with a "No I'm not. I can barely fit into my jeans and my shirt is like ten times smaller then it was yesterday. My hair doesn't want to work and my face looks tired and old."
What should you follow with here?
Do not agree in any way shape or form even if you think you're helping. So saying that maybe it's just water retention or just a bad day, which may be the truth, is not what we want to hear.
We again want to know that you think we look beautiful even if we don't think it.
Let's go off of looks for a second. What about if you are doing the dishes and we say "Don't worry about it, you don't have to do them - I'll do it later."
Should you say:
a) "okay" and stop what you are doing.
b) "I'll just finish up this dish then and save the rest for you"
c) nothing at all
d) You do enough around here sweetie. Let me do the dishes.
Yep - It's the one that's in bold and underlined. I know we said that you didn't have to do it but we are looking for you to WANT to do it not just have to be doing it.
It's the little things that create validation of your love, respect, and appreciation for us in our head that we want to hear from you without us forcing it out of you.
So any time you hear her saying something that might be putting herself down, giving her extra work to do, or sounding negative at all she may just be looking for you to cheer her up and tell her what she wants to hear from you.
Something positive and that you love her.
Trying To Get A Girl That You Have Started To Label - Difficult
Are you pursuing a girl that you've decided is too difficult to get. Whether you label her as moody or not interested or just plain not into you are you really sure that's the label she deserves?
If you feel like you are having a problem getting a girl to notice you or respond to you it may just be that she's waiting to see what you are really made of. That's why it can be called a challenge to get the girl and to be honest how much fun would it be to get every single girl you like without a little challenge first?
The challenge makes it more exciting and the end result is more satisfactory then just getting your way instantly.
Now a little disclosure here: If she outright tells you that she's not interested or if she gives you the look from hell then move on to pursuing someone else because the she's made it outright clear. But if you haven't seen those two things yet you have probably caught her attention and she's waiting to see what you will do.
Girls want to see if you'll see the challenge all the way through or if you'll give up halfway, so stick it out if you really like her. It's all about patience and time.
So let's talk about a few of the obstacles that you need to overcome.
First and foremost is getting her to notice you and getting her to let you know that she's interested.
What you don't know is that girls have a spider sense when it comes to guys checking them out. Even if it doesn't look like she is looking or paying attention to what you are doing - she is.
She's watching to see how fun, mature, likable, attractive, and just plain nice you are. Once she is satisfied that you may be someone she is interested in she will let you know with a look or glance that you won't be able to miss. She will make sure of it.
Remember that if you don't get that look of approval right away that doesn't mean she's not thinking about you. It just means that she is not sure yet. It's when you get the dirty look from hell a few too many times along with a 'get lost creep' that it's time to give up and move on.
Once you get the look of approval you can make your move to talk to her. Keep in mind to not be loud or obnoxious but to keep it light, real, and fun. At this point she will be feeling you out to see if you interest her any further. She still may not be sitting on your lap but that doesn't mean she's not interested.
Remember that women are hard to read and what you think she's thinking may be the exact opposite. You won't know until she lets you know.
Next, if you get the number and you can't get a hold of her for a while don't take it as a sign of her not liking you or wanting to talk to you. Just like men, women don't want to seem too anxious to talk to you.
Make sure you don't call her too often or it quickly becomes a stalking situation which will put an end to anything else. Just let her know that you'll try back again in a few days and she just may be sitting by the phone for that phone call.
The trick here is to not give up. Unless it's been more than about a few weeks or if she's told you that she's not interested then she is probably still playing the game and waiting to see if you really are into her. You can bet that she's smiling and happy knowing that you have not given up yet.
The next big step and the one that ultimately decides if there's any more contact is the first date. Make sure you take her somewhere she likes to go whether it is a movie, restaurant, or the beach. Keep the conversation moving along and keep it lighthearted, fun, and entertaining.
After the first date it's really up to her to keep it moving. You've gone through all the steps you could to playing the game of letting her know you are interested and worth keeping around. At this point she should know whether she likes you or not and if you call her a few days after the date she should either be answering or calling you back if she's interested.
If she's not interested right now it doesn't mean she won't be in the near future so do not blow your future chances by being rude, obnoxious, or stalker like. Just let her know you are still interested and leave it at that. Smile when you see her and wait for any clue that she gives you to try again or better yet wait for her to make the next move. Like I said before, she will make it obvious and you can move forward from there.
I've seen many guys who have had patience that have the girl they liked change her mind and become interested in them after a seemingly rejection.
The bottom line is girls don't want a guy to try once or twice and give up. A girl wants a guy who will really put some effort in for her and show her that he cares. Take the time and you should be on your way to getting the 'difficult' girl.