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Guy's Guide to Breaking up

Updated on March 10, 2011


This is not really a guide to breaking, if you take any of this seriously then you are a moron and need some serious help. I wrote this merely for the purpose of humor and just wanted to have fun with it. In no way shape or form am i a jerk, sexist or any other "ist" for that matter.  I couldn't sleep and just thought it would be funny to write a guide on how to break up like a jerk. No one i know has broken up with their significant other this way so it's not based on anyone. The only part based on a true story is when i lost a game of madden to my ex or to put it another way, i let her win.

So ladies don't take this seriously like i said above i am just having fun with this and if you have any stories of Jerks breaking up with you in an interesting ways then please do share.

The Jerk Way

First off the easiest way to break up with your girl is by emailing her, this not only shows how much you really don't want to see her but will also keep you safe incase your girlfriend is a hitter.

Avoid breaking up at your place because God forbid she throws a picture frame at you, missing you and hitting the 50 inch plasma tv (no not the tv!!!!!). If you break up in her place she can break and throw stuff all she wants because it's not yours guys.

Stay out all day and night if you can and when you come back play video games to keep yourself busy. If she wants to join you, kindly tell her that the reason why you are playing video games is so you won't have to deal with her. I once tried to incorporate a little us time with my ex when i was playing madden. Long story short, she beat me on a glitch play and i haven't gotten over it.

Stop showering and stop going to work. As a matter of fact if you have a live-in girlfriend leave the dishes in the sink and throw your dirty clothes around. This little trick will send her running out in no time with no effort on your part. Genius!

When she calls you to find out why you haven't been returning your calls kindly tell her that you have been seeing someone else and forgot to tell her. Make sure you also end the conversation by telling her that it's nothing personal.

Another classic line you should probably keep in your arsenal is this line...."it's not you baby, it's me", it never gets old.

Call her friends or family if you have their number and tell them that you have been trying to get in touch with ol girl but you can't reach her so you wanted to leave a message that you want to break up.

Tell her that when you first met her you wanted to be with her friend but it didn't work out so you figured if you dated her then you would remain close enough to be able to still hit on her friend.

Text her "I thnk we shud c otha pipo"

On a Serious Note

Seriously I believe in facing your significant other tell and them in person if you want to break up.  There's nothing worse than a coward emailing "uh....i think we should see other people", well actually there are worse things but that's for another day.

I also believe in treating people with respect, yes even the girl you are about to break up with.  Be mature about it don't make say stuff that's going to stay on her mind for the rest of her life and mess it up for the next guy because you shattered her confidence, words are powerful.  Unless maybe she did something really hurtful to you like sleeping with your best friend; well then i don't know what the best way to react in this situation.


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    • spud211 profile image

      spud211 4 years ago

      I am glad i could help......:)

    • BeingPuneet profile image

      BeingPuneet 5 years ago

      Nice broda... i was going to break up with my Gf.. will try out your tricks....

      Have shared this for my fellow guys.

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 5 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      This is so funny! I will share this! Stop showering or going to work! LOVE IT!