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Updated on April 7, 2016

A good relationship can be liken to a newborn baby that needs to be treasured, pampered, nurtured and fed with essential vitamins in order for it to develop and grow up strong, healthy and able to stand the test of time. It is a known fact that whatever you focus your attention on will eventually grow. Most people focus on the problems instead of placing their focus on fixing the problems and preferring solutions. Therapist Elliot E. Connie believes couples should place their focus on strengths, solutions and goals rather than on the problem. Listed below are principles to help bring out the best in you.

For the context of this article, I shall be using they or their in place of his/her.

  1. 1. Acceptance

Learn to accept your partner the way they are, this would go a long way in making them better persons. Accepting your partner means you believe in their good objective or intention. It means they can be the best at whatever they choose to do. You need to accept them first, and then encourage them to become better. Accepting your partner the way they are doesn’t necessarily mean having to tolerate their excesses.

  1. 2. Introduce Complain Session

When there are issues between couples, they tend to resort to that snobbish “silent treatment” attitude that only manages to makes the issues between them worse. Conversely, if there was to be a complaint session where couples sit together and voice out their grievances, the reasons behind their crisis would be quickly resolved and peace would be restored. During the complaint session, the man should be gentlemanly enough to allow the woman go first, he shouldn’t interrupt her rather he should encourage her to air out all the areas she feels he went wrong. The man should go next, after which the issues should be resolved amicably with consensual understanding on the part of both parties.

  1. 3. Listen and Understand

Unnecessary crisis in home may arise if you are not really listening to your partner whenever they try to make a point. Listen carefully and ask questions on areas you don’t understand, don’t jump into hasty conclusions and refrain from being overly judgmental because a closer look into the issue between the two of may reveal a sheer case of misconception. Unwanted quarrels can be averted if you listen and understand you partner.

  1. 4. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and show appreciation

As much as you may feel your partner originated the crisis between the two of you, don’t be too happy to be in the clear; No human is above mistakes. Strive to know why your partner acted the way they did. Acknowledge their feelings in the same vain you would have loved them to acknowledge yours if you were or not to be at fault. You don’t necessarily have to agree with your partner to acknowledge how they feel. Try to look at the issues between the two of you from your partner’s point of view. Your partner deserves support and understanding in the same way you would equally crave to be understood in the face of misunderstandings.

  1. 5. Have a dating mindset even after marriage

During dating period, you must have made extra efforts to be nice to your partner. You must have put in your very best to nurture the relationship until it grew to the next stage. You ought to still continue with that same mentality when married, nothing should change. It isn’t just about just about having dinner every Friday; it is way more than that. For the men, note that women are moved by those little chivalrous gestures like opening the car door for her, looking into her eyes intimately and saying, sweetheart I love you. Those may seem insignificant, but trust me, it works like magic and it also helps to keep your relationship healthy.

  1. 6. Strive to bring out the best in your partner

To bring out the best in your partner, also note your own strengths and weaknesses. Your strengths tend to accentuate the positive qualities in your partner. Don’t always be quick at picking out the faults from your partners.

  1. 7. Communicate with honesty and compassion

Words are like bullets; once released cannot be reversed. To bring out the best in your partner, learn to choose your words wisely, with care, love and kindness because words are very powerful. Communicate often with your partner on things that makes them important to you.

  1. 8. Help boost your partner’s self-confidence

A good relationship that is on the right tract increases the confidence level of both couple. There are ways you can help boost the confidence of your partner; you can praise your partner for what they did no matter how insignificant, you can make valuable contributions to a particular project they have on ground. Just show them how much you value them.

  1. 9. Help meet your partner’s needs

You can help meet your partner’s needs physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. Watch out for those areas you feel your partner is missing out something and assist them where necessary.

10. Laughter helps

Laughter helps relationship blossom. When couple form the habit of laughing together often, they become an object of envy to other couples. Orchestrate events or topics that would cause your spouse to burst into laughter. Crack jokes often, keep the atmosphere between your partner and you happy.

The best way to deal with a problem is to focus on how to resolve it. Therefore, on issues of infidelity, instead of dwelling on what led to unfaithfulness in marriage, let your focus rather be on how to regain the lost trust in your relationship. Relationship can be quite complex to build because people’s attitude and nature change overtime. Getting that partner that is actually compatible with you can be challenging. However, both of you can be truly make it work out if only you want to.


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      Yvette Stupart PhD 20 months ago from Jamaica

      Janet, this is a great list for enhancing relationships. I agree that communication is a key ingredient to bring out the best in any relationship. This involves active listening which to very important to truly understand each other.