How Will I Know He Is the Right Man.

In many of my sessions with the youths, especially the girls, one reoccurring question is; how will I know he is the right man, the true one? How will I know if it’s true love? How will I know if he truly loves me? All these are age old questions not just from the youths but from anyone on the threshold of a new relationship. The quickest answer is trust your feelings.

Trusting your feelings might be the first step towards knowing if the man you’re in a relationship with now is actually the right man for you. However, you still have to go beyond your feelings to involve your head, your senses and your perceptions when it comes to settling down with a man in a relationship.

Here are nine things that will make you know if he is the right man to be in a relationship with.

NINE WAYS TO DETERMINE IF HE IS THE RIGHT PERSON

1. TRUST YOUR FEELING.

Yes, that’s the first rule, trust your feeling, your intuition, your gut instinct, it is a place deep inside of you, where you have ‘a feeling or a knowing’, that something is right or not right. You have to search deep down there and listen to what your heart is telling you.

According to Donna Karan, “One of our greatest gifts is our intuition. It is a sixth sense we all have, we just need to learn to tap into and trust it.”

Use your intuition as a guide when considering if he is the right person, however, intuition is a heartfelt sensation, so you still have to pay attention to your head. Is there an accord between your heart and your head, if the two are not united in your assessment, then there is a problem somewhere, you need to look closely into it.

In the word of Eva Gizowska, "Trust your feelings when you meet someone new. They might seem perfectly charming and friendly, but if your sixth sense makes you feel uncomfortable – even if you can’t explain this logically, go with your intuition.

2. IS THERE MUTUAL RESPECT.

Is there mutual respect in the relationship, you should respect him and he should show you the same respect in return. A man who respects you will value your opinion and be willing to compromise on certain issues and not always act manly. He should be able to listen to your concerns and feelings non-judgmentally. He should also appreciate you and share your successes and achievements with you sincerely. Don’t sacrifice your self- respect in a relationship

3. IS THERE SIMILARITIES OF VALUES?

Values are the core essence of your life, what you believe in, what shapes your perceptions of life, what makes up who you are. So does he share the same values with you? A man should be flexible enough to accommodate your values and respect them. A man, who wants you to compromise your values or change them, might not be the right person. Or if you try to change your values to please the man in order to be in a relationship, it is a sign he is not the right person. Don’t change your standard to fit into someone else’s life. Shared values are very important in relationship

4. DOES HE HAVE THE RIGHT QUALITIES

If you have an idea of what qualities you are looking for in a man, it’s a big help. Qualities as in the right ones, there might be good qualities that may not be right for you; the qualities you desire should be intrinsic and realistic and not based on whimsical or peripheral ideas.

In as much you should look out for your desired qualities, don’t make a shopping list of what you want and don’t go in search of perfectness or perfection, no man is perfect, but you just don’t have to settle for anyone simply because he asked, availability is not compatibility, he has to conform to some basic inert qualities of the man you want in your life

Don’t set high expectations and scrutinize every man through it, I tell you, they will always fall short of your expectations , you cannot get all your ideals in one man, choose one you can tolerate his flaws and one that shares the same core values with you.

5. ARE YOU YOURSELF IN HIS PRESENCE

The man should appreciate and value your personality intoto; he should love your flaws and all. You should be able to feel comfortable in his presence and not in continual struggle to hide some aspect of you character in his presence. You should feel at ease, relaxed and free to be yourself in his presence.

That is, you should not be afraid to act, speak and air your opinion in his presence. You should not feel intimidated with him.

You should not live in pretense or in fear of exposing who or what you are. He has to accept your good part, your weakness and your faults without trying to change you.

6. IS THERE EASY COMMUNICATION

Good and easy communication is the hallmark of any good relationship. He should be someone you can really talk to and talk with, someone you can absolutely feel confident enough to open up to, and tell him everything about you, your hope, your fear and the intentions of your heart, I mean you can discuss everything under the sun with him.

You should be able to argue or hold a debt with him without fear of incurring his ire. He should be able to patiently correct you when you’re wrong and not insult your ignorance. He shouldn’t always want an argument to end in his favor.

7. DOES HE STIMULATE YOUR MIND

He should be able to stimulate your mind and have a positive influence on your life. He should give you ample support to work on your dream in the relationship, you don’t have to postpone or restructure your dream because you are in a relationship.

8. DOES HE MAKE YOU HAPPY

Does he make you happy, make you smile, laugh and feel good generally? Does he treat you as a person of value? And, do you actually feel loved in the relationship. Are you glad and grateful that he is part of your life? In addition, has life and living been better and meaningful because he is there.

9. IS HE TRULY COMMITTED

Are you in the relationship alone? Are you planning and thinking of your future alone? Is he committed to whatever concerns you, your life, your career, you aspirations, your hopes and your dreams? He should be part of them for that will give you the confidence he truly cares about you.

And so, discovering if someone is the right person for you takes time, and it goes beyond the initial attraction. It is very important you give yourself time to study the person and situation before reaching that final decision.