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How you can Become a Better Man in a Relationship

Updated on September 11, 2021
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Ian has experience in relationship and marriage counselling.

You've learned how to overcome your fear of approaching women, and have finally hooked up with the girl of your dreams. The next thing is to become the man she will be interested in having a long-term relationship with.

If you're wondering how to be a better man who will keep her interested and beat the competition, this article is for you. These tips can help you become a great partner to your woman and be the man of her dreams.

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Be the man and take the lead

According to Elliot Katz, author of Being the strong man a woman wants, a big number of men assume that the key to a happy relationship is being agreeable to everything their woman says. He adds that older experienced men in fact advise younger men that the key to a happy marriage is "yes dear".

Most men in relationships will play the sensitive guy who tries to please their women at all cost to the extent that when it comes to a problem that needs to be solved he seems oblivious and when asked for input on decision making, all they can give is "it is up to you dear".

You've probably heard that girls are attracted to bad boys but want to settle with nice guys. That’s probably true. We are talking about two extremes but then there is you.

You can decide which side suits you. The point here is that this girl likes you, regardless of your preferred categorization. So it is up to you to organize yourself into the man worthy of a woman like her.

Happiness in this relationship will be a responsibility for both of you, but as the man, you need to play the lead role to make it work. It is a responsibility men took since the beginning of time when God created Adam and Eve. There is no shortcut around being the leader in the relationship.

Whenever there is a situation, step forward and attempt to lead in finding a solution. Make decisions and take full responsibility for any outcome. A man who can't decide is a total turn-off in the eyes of many women. Don't be afraid to give your honest opinion on the matter simply because you want to make her happy. You will only frustrate her further. Even when it comes to deciding where and how the two of you should spend the weekend, she needs your input and needs to feel that you are the leader and are capable of protecting her.

This however does not mean you should deprive her of all her freedom and treat her like your possession for manipulation at your convenience. Studies show that 55% of all relationships break up as a result of one partner feeling trapped and losing basic freedom. The big question is how do you deal with this?

It is important to remember that you have a life full of friends and family, beliefs, work, hobbies, dreams, likes, and dislikes. So does she. This is a very good starting point towards a happy long relationship.

As the relationship unfolds and grows with time, all you need is to be yourself and live your life as she found it. And let her live her life as well.

Spend time with your friends

Spending time with your friends helps you to avoid investing all your mental energy in her. This article, 3 signs that your marriage will be successful shares more tips on this.

Take your time, invite her into your world and let her explore, as you explore hers. You will both make discoveries. Spending time with your friends allows you to continue living your life. It portrays you as a fun person, one who is not needy.

Let her spend time with her friends as well. Allowing her to live her life helps you to understand her values and goals in life as you compare them with yours. It also empowers you with the confidence to walk into each other's lives and cause some changes. This phase of the relationship is important and must not be rushed.

As time goes by, you will get used to each other enough for you to gain the ground that will enable you to take the lead.

Spend time with her and support her

Be the man that your woman deserves (if she deserves you).

Although you need to live your life, she has now become part of it and must feel like she is a priority in your life. Spend quality time with her; take her out to nice places with good food. Good food is as healthy for any healthy relationship as is good sex.

Never ignore her when she speaks to you in public or in private. Not even when you are angry. This adds to your authority as a man in the relationship.

Introduce her proudly to your friends and make sure they understand that she is important to you as much as they are. Spend time with her friends if she invites you along, and don't be too possessive.

Remember however, that she must have worked her way to deserve all this – she must be worth it by your standards. It must never be a one way affair or you will be sucked dry of any happiness. If you find that you are working too hard to treat her like a queen but she is taking you for granted, it’s time to try your luck elsewhere.

Communicate openly and respectfully

Communication is key for any relationship to succeed and how you approach it can make you a better man.

When you speak, do so with confidence, but be respectful and considerate. Avoid making fun of your partner unless you're sure she is okay with it. Being playful can make a relationship fun, but it is important to know what your partner considers acceptable.

Through open communication, both of you will learn what is acceptable and what is not. Only then can you decide how far you really want to go with the relationship.

Communicate your interests and dislikes honestly and reasonably. Don't make the mistake of completely foregoing your interests and values for the sake of her happiness. This will make you lose value in her eyes because you will appear unprincipled.

Keep in mind that she is not an angel like your silly heart is telling you. She is as human as you are. So she needs to value you as much as you value her.

Flirt a little bit

Don’t be freaked out because some gorgeous girls have their eyes all over you. But neither should you be overly excited.

Put your feet out into the risky waters of flirting, and let it flow. Dr. Trina Read, an expert in human sexuality defines flirting as the art of making the other person feel beautiful. In her article "to flirt or not to flirt" she expresses a strong belief that if handled right, flirting can be a useful catalyst to get a spark going in a relationship.

Flirting is good for you, as it keeps your game at romance fresh. As you flirt with that attractive woman, your mind is working hard to invent techniques to keep her interested.

You also learn a few things from her style if she is not a novice. This is good because it works on your confidence level. It improves the value of the man in you, in your own eyes, and gives you a general sense of happiness. This will give you the appearance of a happy attractive man.

This doesn’t mean however that you should flirt with every girl who crosses your path. This is counterproductive and kills any value in you. You must choose your targets with care. Draw standards that are nothing less than what you have in your girlfriend (if you value her) and please stick to them. The more value you appreciate in your own eyes, the better you will be at making important decisions in your relationship. And the better you will be at deciding whether you should dish yourself out to every girl that you come across.

Do not cheat on her

While flirting may be acceptable, cheating is not. Set some boundaries and avoid crossing them.

When flirting avoid leading the other person into thinking that you are available for romance. A safe way to do this is by stating that you have a girlfriend early enough in the flirting game.

Being faithful has several advantages;

1. It keeps your conscience clean.

A guilty conscience is the begging of meaningless arguments. Any attempt she makes at pointing out your little flaws will be perceived by you as suspicion. By cheating, you will have given away any moral high ground in the relationship. And in an attempt to regain it, you become a bitter person.

2. You will learn how to trust yourself and consequently trust your girl.

After cheating on your girlfriend, things start to change around your life. You became overtaken by this consuming fear that she will find out somehow. So you engage in unusual things that eventually give you away.

You become overly protective with your property such as your phones, laptops, and wallets. You agitate over simple questions such as why you came home a little late this time. You lose trust in yourself because you feel you fell so easily and let the love her down, but you are too adamant to admit it.

Gradually you start pushing her away, she seeks refuge with her girl or boyfriends. Then you grow suspicious because you think she is walking in your footsteps. If you want to keep the trust in the relationship, then don't cheat.

3. You will be safe from HIV and other Sexually Transmitted Infections.

It is true we shall all die at some point, but there is no need to rush into it. Avoid all the drama that comes with sexually transmitted infections, for a happy long love life. Statistics from the World health organization show that about 0.8%(56,000,000) of adults aged 15-49 years worldwide are leaving with HIV, although the burden of the epidemic continues to vary considerably between countries and regions. The disease is still present. So is gonorrhea, and other sexually transmitted infections.


This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2013 Ian Batanda

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