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Happiness in a Marriage: Tips, Keys and Secrets

Updated on June 8, 2017

We all enter into marriage with longings, unhealed wounds, unmet needs and other unfinished business from childhood until adulthood. Some individuals secretly expect their spouse will heal their wounds, make them whole and make up for the times they have been hurt, felt unworthy, disappointed, inadequate and insecure. They may hold their partner responsible for their own happiness.

If you have these expectations and they are not voiced, it can result in anger, disappointment, frustration at your mate, life and yourself. You may think you have married the wrong person.

It is wise to be honest with your partner about what you expect he/she to do and be. But you need to recognize that when you do tell your partner your expectations, he/she may or may not be able to to give you everything that you need, want and ask for. Happiness is a choice. Don't demand, complain or be negative to your partner in this way.

Although our partner cannot remove the suffering from our past or fulfill our deepest needs, there can be an enormous amount he/she can provide. Our spouses may not heal our heart in the way and manner anticipated. But he/she can help you in the present.


1. Encouragement- This can be by encouraging your spouse , by noticing their strengths and talents that they may not be aware of, helping them to venture out there in new possibilities to make their dreams a reality.

2. Listening with care and concern- one of the best things partners can do, is just listen, focus and be interested in what the other is saying.

Ladies you know that when he comes through the door after a day of work, is not the best time to talk about important matters. Give him time to relax then talk.

Women need someone to talk to, about things in her heart and what she struggles with whether she has to share good news, bad news, what is stressing her out, or anything else.

When in a conversation with one another, listen and ask important questions, so that your spouse knows that you are interested in what they are saying. Add feedback and advice as well.

3. Appreciation and Respect- Wives can appreciate their husbands, thank him for his hard work everyday, repairs in the home and attempted work in the home and his contributions in the family.

Express how impressed you are with his accomplishments. Respect him, in front of others and the children. Also,Value your husband, his traits, likes and dislikes and do not control him.
Husbands, you can praise your wife for the tasks she does daily, (if she is a stay at home mom) cooking, cleaning, laundry, organizing and for the wife who is working and have to do the household chores and take care of the kids as well. Verbally express appreciation of her work to her and also in the company of friends and family. Surprise her often and give lots of compliments.

4. Make Time to Spend with One another. absolutely crucial in a relationship. Create date nights monthly. Do not let the busyness, work, children, responsibilites and other things in life, drain out the romance, love and happiness in a marriage.

Quotes on Happiness

  • “Happiness is not a feeling, it is a choice. To be happy, one must choose to be happy, not respond to a circumstance that now controls your happiness.” ~Joyce Meyer
  • “It is important for a husband to understand that his words have tremendous power in his wife’s life. He needs to bless her with words. If he is always finding fault in something she’s doing, always putting her down, he will reap horrendous problems in his marriage and in his life. A wife should do the same for her husband. Your relationship would improve immensely if you’d simply start speaking kind, positive words, blessing your spouse instead of cursing him or her.” ~Joel Osteen
  • Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.~Dale Carnegie
  • If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do have a problem. ~Richard Bach


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    • debbiepinkston profile image

      Debbie Pinkston 5 years ago from Pereira, Colombia and NW Arkansas

      Great Hub! I like these Hubs about relationships and I plan to write more on the topic. I wrote the Hub "20 little things that say I love you" that is somewhat related to your Hub.

      I like the emphasis you placed on respect. Without respect, love withers and dies. I feel that respect is the backbone of any great relationship.

      Thanks again for this great article!