- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Men in Relationships
7 Tips For A Successful Relationship With Your Girlfriend
The Big 3: Paying Attention, Being Thoughtful, And Giving Respect.
In my experience nine times out of ten when my girlfriends have been unhappy with me it has been because I made the mistake of not doing one (or more) of the big 3 (Keep in mind PMS falls into the pay attention category in most cases).
Not paying attention to something your girlfriend says could result in missing an engagement, not knowing anything about a story she just told, or not knowing about her day (or even how she is feeling) and could end up causing you not to remember important information later on. Not knowing these things will definitely upset your girlfriend. I'll start by telling you more about each aspect of the big 3, and then give you some other useful tips that are sure to bring a smile to your girlfriend's face.
1. Paying Attention, It is More About Consistency Than Anything Else.
Girls Need Attention! It is probably the #1 reason girls get upset with their guys. For guys it is hard to pay attention to every little thing your girlfriend says. I know, I'm a guy, and I've been in many situations where my girlfriend will just yap yap yap. The important part is that you try your best.
Retain what you can, girls don't expect you to remember EVERYTHING, they just want to know that you care enough to listen and soak up as much of what they are saying as you can. I promise, if you try to actively pay attention, your life will be SOOOOO much EASIER! Here are a few examples of things you need to pay attention to that you usually might not.
"I went shopping today and bought 4 shirts all with blah blah blah on sale and 2 pairs of cute pants blah blah from blah blah. Let me know what you think of them when you see them on me. I can't wait to be with you, I'm so excited!"
"I'm feeling kind of down, blah blah blah blah blah blah!"
"Ok, so here are the plans. We have a picnic at 6pm on the 12th, a birthday party at 7pm on the 18th, and then my parents 25th anniversary dinner on the 28th at 5pm. Blah blah blah blah and I laughed at the joke blah blah blah haha ok, I miss you!"
First, you only really had to listen to half of what she said most of the time, but you had better make sure you listen to at least that half! Forgetting about plans and other things your girlfriend tells you is an absolute nightmare, save yourself the trouble and just pay a little attention (write down the plans). It is so simple, yet so many guys screw it up and put themselves through hell by not doing it. You have to pay attention consistently, if you don't, how are you going to be thoughtful? You won't even know what is going on in your girlfriend's life.
2. Being Thoughtful, A Little Bit Goes A Long Way!
Being thoughtful is very important if you want to maintain a healthy relationship. It doesn't even take much effort. All you have to do is think about what things would make your girlfriend happy, and try to do them if they are not too difficult. Today for example, I bought my girlfriend a surprise chocolate chip cookie. It ends up turning into an I scratch your back, you scratch mine type of deal in the end.
The only thing is, make sure not to focus on what you do for her and compare it to what she does for you. If you do it will always lead to destructive arguments. Just do whatever you are willing to do to show your girlfriend you love her and expect nothing in return. If you have a good girlfriend that wants to be with you, you don't have to worry about comparing, you know that you are going to be rewarded for making her feel appreciated and loved. If not... Well it may be time to start looking for a new girlfriend.
3. Respect, Your Girlfriend Has Earned It.
I feel this one is self-explanatory, so I'll keep it short. If you want to be respected and loved you have to respect the one you love. Respect her feelings, opinions, differences, and most of all respect her as a person and as your girlfriend. You only have one, and you chose her for a reason, give her the respect that she has earned!
PLEASE SHARE THIS ARTICLE!!
I would greatly appreciate it if you would share this article with others if you are enjoying it.
please pass it around, use Pinterst, Stumbleupon, Facebook, whatever you like, but share it with others please. It is very motivational to see people like your stuff enough that they are willing to share it with others. So if you do like it please show me in some way :)
Thank you so much!
4. Keeping things interesting.
Girls like to switch it up every once in a while. You can't just do the same things again, and again, and again in a relationship or else your partner will get bored. Give your girlfriend some excitement here and there to fan the flame of your love by surprising her every once in awhile. I remember on my one-year anniversary with my girlfriend, I told her we were going out for nice dinner at an Italian restaurant by my house. She was somewhat excited I guess. I told her to come over the night before, bring a nice dress to wear for dinner the following day, as well as some clothes to wear because she was going to be with me all day for our anniversary.
Suspecting nothing unusual my girlfriend came over and we had a fun first night watching movies and eating popcorn. On the morning of our anniversary though, SURPRISE! "Good morning sweetie!, rise and shine we have a big day (kiss, kiss)", I hand her a dozen red roses, "Happy Anniversary! Here is your card, and I have a surprise for you... You know how I said we were going to that Italian place tonight? Well actually, I'm taking us to Chicago (2 hours away) to celebrate with a night at the Trump hotel and a dinner cruise!" My girlfriend's face lit up so brightly, she had huge adorable eyes and a grin from ear to ear. These are the types of surprises your girlfriend will remember forever.
That was just an example of one really elaborate surprise that I did though... I had really fallen in love with my girlfriend by our one-year anniversary, so I was willing to make an expensive one-year celebration. I do not mean go blowing tons of money all the time. What I do mean though is that you have to switch things up now and again. Give your girlfriend flowers at work one day on a whim (perhaps on a day she told you she was feeling down), send her a get well card if she is sick, have her over for the usual movie night in, but instead take her someplace else, or do something else in that you have never done. The point is, keep your girlfriend on her toes and excited. She will love you for it, and perhaps even end up surprising you here and there. I find just watching my girlfriend's expressions when I show up with flowers unexpectedly is well worth the effort.
If you are new to surprises, start off small. you don't want to go doing things that your girlfriend is unprepared for such as a night at a hotel, because if she isn't prepared she may end up hating it. Girls like to have makeup, pretty clothes, and all their essential girly accessories for nights on the town, so just keep in mind that the surprises have to be reasonable. Start off with flowers sent to her at work (it is better if you can deliver them yourself, but it is not required), chocolates, or a small gift.
5. Special Occasions, You Can't Ignore Them
When it comes to girls, special occasions are a top priority. You have to celebrate all of the special occasions that your girlfriend would expect you to or else she will be put off. You don't have to do anything super special for these occasions, but you do have to at least acknowledge them and give your girlfriend some extra affection on these days. I usually recommend a personalized gift, card (home made works best), flowers, or special night out. The special days include, but are not necessarily limited to (this is assuming she is christian, different ones apply if she isn't) Valentine's Day, Easter, Christmas, Sweetest Day, Yearly Anniversaries, and Birthdays.
I am a huge Snapfish fan, if you haven't heard of them, they are an HP company that specializes in making personalized photo-gifts. Snapfish is amazing, you upload pictures and then use them to build super touching and emotional personalized gifts. The best part is, they are affordable, and you can do them last minute! You can start making the gift 4 hours before you need to have the gift in hand, sometimes sooner. You simply order the gift to be made at your local store such as Walgreens, Meijer, or Walmart and then go pick it up an hour later. So very cool. I used them to make a surprise collage for my girlfriend for our three year anniversary. She loved it because we had agreed on no presents but I surprised her anyway with a really personal, loving gift.
6. Taking An Interest
Take an interest in your girlfriend, her family, friends, and what all of them enjoy. If your girlfriend's parents really love to fish you should at least ask them about fishing every once in awhile. If your girlfriend enjoys horoscopes and astrology (which a lot of girls do) then you should at least know your sign, her sign, and what they are typically known for.
By taking an interest in these things you open up a lot more conversation between you and your girlfriend, her parents, and friends which not only makes things more comfortable and fun, but also allows you to be less boring around them. Your girlfriend should be doing the same type of thing with you, so if you like baseball or something she should at least be able to tell you the best player on your favorite team... When you start taking an interest in each-others' likes and hobbies, the relationship gets so much more enjoyable! If you don't believe me, just try it and you will be pleasantly surprised.
7. Learn To Handle Your Quarrels Properly
One of the biggest mistakes I see couples make is handling their arguments poorly. I see time and time again couples in the midst of an argument using hurtful insults, sarcasm, and other forms of verbal abuse without considering the consequences. The fact of the matter is, if you verbally assault your loved ones, they will lose love and respect for you. Whether it is true or not, there is no reason for arguments to turn into anything more than what they are, DISPUTES.
Keep in mind what you are arguing about, and don't let it swirl into something that it isn't, such as an argument about leaving the lid on the toilet seat up turning into a verbal abuse session about how you think your girlfriend is obsessive compulsive and too lazy to do things herself. Small fights with your girlfriend are expected, and honestly healthy. I consider my relationship to be one of the best, and we still argue at least a few times a month. The one thing that we never do though is hurt each-other during our arguments. You can't take your words back no matter how much you would like, so choose them carefully.
The proper way to handle an argument is to find out what is causing one or both of the parties involved to be upset, figure out why that particular incident occurred, and then look to stop future occurrences. So if the toilet seat was left up because you didn't think to put it down and your girlfriend is upset. Simply relax, tell her she has a right to be upset, you would be too if she did something that pushed your buttons (by accident), explain how it happened and that it was an accident, and then come up with a plan to stop it from happening again. In this case it would be just thinking more about how it irritates your girlfriend, so you better put it down. As long as at the end of the argument nobody is hurt, and the conflict is resolved, it really doesn't matter much what the resolution is. The important thing is that you have come to an understanding.
In cases where you both think you are right and you don't want to budge on the issue, either find a way to compromise, or take turns taking one for the team. After all, that is what the two of you are, a team. Remember that and if the argument has gone on for longer than you would like and she doesn't seem to be backing down. Just let her have it, she will appreciate you for it, and next time she should let you have yours. It doesn't have to be 50/50 on this obviously, but your partner does have to be willing to back down for you every once in awhile as well. If they don't just remind them how you did it for them and that you are a team. They should get the picture. If not, you can always show them this article ;)
Most people in relationships have fights now and again, don't expect to never have fights, but always expect them to end well :) (this is one example of how it
Putting It All Together
If you follow these 7 easy things:
1. Pay Attention
2. Be Thoughtful
3. Be Respectful
4. Keep Things Interesting
5. Remember Special Occasions
6. Take An Interest
7. Handle Arguments Properly
your girlfriend will be a lot happier with you, and a happy girlfriend will in turn seek to make you happy. I hope this information was helpful, now go put it to work!