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Has Your Relationship Lost That Loving Feeling

Updated on September 23, 2015

Remember when you just started dating your lover and things were hot? The lingering look, the footsie under the table, hot sex at every opportunity? So, what has gone wrong? How many times since the start of the month have you had any sex or intimacy with your lover?

Has your relationship lost that loving feeling? Are you longing for those days early in your relationship when everything was exciting and new? If this sounds like your relationship and you want to get your sexy mojo back, then continue reading.

Communicate with your lover

Unhappy couples are those who do not spend the time to talk with each other. When was the last time that you talked to your partner? By talk I mean, really listen to what your partner has to say, giving your full attention with no interruptions? How can your partner know that you are unhappy if you don't tell? How can your partner stop doing something that annoys you if it is not known? How can your partner know your likes and dislikes during intimacy if you don’t tell? Not sharing your feelings with your partner can cause a build-up of emotions, that one day will explode! So, schedule some time to talk regularly – say how you are feeling, discuss your likes and dislikes, show interest in what your partner does all day, allow your partner to exhale after a long day at work.

Tired of the same old, same old or nothing at all?

Sometime ago, I had a conversation with a client, about the risks involved in unprotected sex. He said that it wasn’t that he wished to cheat on his wife, but he was tired of the same old, same old every day and his wife was not open to anything new. He said that when he is ‘out there’ he gets what is wife will not give him.

Can a couple sustain that desire for each other year after year? Yes they can, but it takes a lot of work! Learning some new techniques will do wonders to your relationship. When was the last time you groped your partner, or let your finger wander over his/her body seductively? How spontaneous are you? When was the last time you initiated lovemaking by just grabbing your partner somewhere other than in the bedroom and really “give it “ to him/her? Spontaneity is the spice of intimacy,

For many couples sex has stopped completely for many reasons, but for whatever the reason, you can rekindle the fire of your love life by rediscovering each other. It is never too late to awaken each other’s sensuality. Remember earlier in your relationship, there were territories that you both went ‘exploring’? Revisit those ‘places’ through a sexual journey- who knows, it may lead you to a new destination. Add some spice and fire to your relationship with some fun and exciting new ideas, allowing you both to rediscover each other’s desire.

If you experience problems with intimacy, you may need the help of a Sex Therapist or medical doctor. Do not be ashamed to seek help.

Other tips:

  • Make a point of eating together, preferably sitting at the table and having a conversation.
  • Choose alternative venues for lovemaking – the bathroom, in the car, in the kitchen, outside – anywhere, as long as you have privacy!
  • Have occasional ‘quickies’ which is a lustful way of adding diversity to your love life.
  • Try different ‘positions’. You can invent your own, or check out porn sites or magazines.
  • Never take an argument to bed – try to talk about it and settle it before going to bed. If you cannot reach a compromise, do not withhold sex.
  • When there is a disagreement or conflict, make sure that your partner understands what you are trying to say, or what upsets you.
  • Arrange 'date nights' once a week. You do not have to go out all the time, but try to go out somewhere at least once per month.
  • Be best friends. The strongest relationships are those where the couples are friends as well as lovers.
  • Remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place and do things that will constantly send a reminder.
  • Praise your partner when he/she does something that you like and convey your feelings if he/she does something that you don't like.

Recapture that loving feeling that you once had and keep the fire blazing and the sensuality alive, whatever the age of your relationship.


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    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Hi Yolanda Petillo. Thank you for visiting my hub. I am sorry that your marriage has lost the loving feeling. All is not lost though ( I hope). It takes a lot of work to maintain a relationship. Just follow my tips and let me know if they work. All the best to you.

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Hi Ruby H. Rose. Thanks for your visit. Yes, I do agree with you. Your partner should be your best friend. Thanks again, and all the best!

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Hi algarveview. Sorry that I have taken so long to answer, as I have not visited my hub for a while. I am happy that you found my hub interesting. I shall be visiting you soon. All the best to you!

    • Ruby H Rose profile image

      Maree Michael Martin 5 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

      Being best friends is what works for me.

    • algarveview profile image

      Joana e Bruno 5 years ago from Algarve, Portugal

      Hello, Dr.Ope, very interesting subject, I would say a bit of a taboo in certain aspects, but really needs to be addressed. You are completely right, it is a lot about talking to each other and spending time, which can be quite challenging, especially after having kids. Voted up. Thanks for SHARING. Have a great day!

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Sueswan, thank you for your visit and your honest comments. I did not mean that if your partner hurts you badly that you should still have sex. Not at all! As you said, sex should not be withheld as a weapon. Thanks for you high vote, all the best to you.

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Annart, thank you for your visit and high vote. I am happy to hear that you and your partner have a good relationship despite the 'ups and downs". I am also happy that you find my tips to be useful. All the best to you.

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Dr. Ope

      Communication is the key.

      "If you cannot reach a compromise, do not withhold sex."

      I don't agree with this advise. Who in their right mind would want to have sex with their partner when they are angry or hurt? The anger and hurt has to be dealt with first in my opinion. I do agree that sex should not be withheld as a weapon to manipulate one's partner in to doing what they want.

      Voted up and interesting.

      Take care

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 5 years ago from SW England

      Great hub; I'm pleased that my partner and I do many of those things but it's always great to have a reminder and a few fresh ideas. It's also good to read others' comments and realise that we all experience such things, good and bad. We've had our ups and downs (no pun intended!) but survived the worst and we still have deep love and lots of fun. It's refreshing to read such a frank and honest hub. Voted up, useful and interesting.

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Thank you Diana Mendes for the high vote, kind comments and for your visit. All the best to you

    • Diana Mendes profile image

      Diana Mendes 5 years ago

      Nice hub with some good advice. Voted up & useful.

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Thank you breafastpop. Congrats to you and your husband on your loving relationship. Spending time and communicating with each other are two of the most vital ingredients in a successful relationship. Keep it up and I know that your relationship will last. Thanks for your visit and all the best to you.

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 5 years ago

      Very wise advice. My husband and I eat dinner every night in our dining room by candlelight with soft music playing. We talk for hours. I truly believe that everyone should try this. it is positively addictive and you will look forward to being together every night. Up interesting, useful and awesome.

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      Kudos to you and your husband! I always encourage couples to have a special nigh for just themselves, when they can do things together - their date night. All the best to you and your husband and I hope that your relationship will be "to death do us part".

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      My hubby and I keep a date night once a week and it is always a great lift to our relationship. Being best friends is a sign of a maturity when it comes to marriage. Great hub and voted up!

    • Dr.Ope profile image

      Olive Ellis 5 years ago

      alisha4u thank you for being my first visitor. I am happy to hear that you are out of that phase now. I do hope that you are having a wonderful life with or without a partner. Thanks for the vote and all the best to you

    • alisha4u profile image

      alisha4u 5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      I went through the same phase i'm out f it...

      I'm sure these tips work...Voting it Up and Useful !!