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Has Her Sexual Desire For You Faded?

Updated on August 1, 2016
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Guys, when a woman pulls away sexually—she seems less and less interested with having sex with you—that means she's unhappy—there is an emotional disconnect she is feeling with you. Although this should be OBVIOUS, there are many (many) men who act clueless.

When a woman's sexual desire for you starts to fade there are many signs that this is occurring:

  • When you reach for her hand she pulls away or keeps her hands unavailable—holding purse, arms crossed, etc.
  • She doesn't kiss you as often
  • She hesitates when you try and kiss her—giving you her cheek or just peck kissing you
  • She doesn't reach out to hold your hand
  • Her hugs aren't as warm or inviting
  • She avoids snuggling with you—on the couch when watching T.V/movie, in the bed before sleeping, during sleep and/or in the morning
  • She avoids sex—making excuses: headache, tired, feeling ill, etc.
  • When you touch her she flinches

What's frustrating for most women is when we are feeling emotionally disconnected—causing our sexual desire for you to fade—a guy will think for some ridiculous reason that the best way to solve this problem is to be overly affectionate and initiate sex. Why do men think that in order to fix the lack of sex is to try and initiate more sex? Big rookie mistake. Also, showering us with gifts and sweet gestures might be nice (I guess), however those things are only to mask the real issue(s).

Here's the thing guys, the Pandora's box to a women's desire to be sexual with you is connected to her emotions—basically, you need to connect with her on an emotional level. Listen to what's upsetting her, work to make her feel like she is heard instead of pacified. Work hard to make her feel special. Telling her that you think about her all the time and not contact until late in the day (or possibly days later) or telling her that you're missing her, but then never take the time to plan dates—causes her emotional walls to go up. Words without actions are meaningless.

When you have a woman's attention it's important to keep it in order for her to continue to desire you sexually. When you listen (and hear us), woo and romances hard in the beginning and then slack off, the excitement and sexual desire for you will also decrease. Our pheromones are connected to our emotions. When our emotions shut down, so does our sexual desire for you.

I dated a guy that I was extremely sexually attracted to. When we first started dating he not only listened when I spoke but also really wanted to get to know me. He would leave his phone in his car or turn it off when we were together—giving me his full attention. He would ask things about me, my friends and family as well as other things in order to get to know me better. This guy made me feel important and that was a huge emotional turn-on.

This guy didn't just make me feel special by listening, he also made me feel special by how he treated me. He planed nice thought out dates, would pick me up when we went out, opened the car door—and any door we approached. He would send me sweet text messages when he woke and would bring me wine and flowers every time we saw each other. He would carry my bags and always hold my hand. And, he would go out of his way to fix things around my house that were broken or needed repair. Did I hit the jackpot or what? My sexual desire for this guy was off the charts and to be honest, so was our sex.

Not only did I think that I was the luckiest woman to have found such an amazing man, I was also happier than a bumble bee buzzing around flowers...until things started to shift.

I don't know if this guy got too confident, too lazy, or too comfortable and complacent, but his effort started to cease. I felt as if our relationship was becoming one sided. I was still going out of my way to make him feel special, but I wasn't feeling the same back from him.

I would talk about stuff and he wouldn't remember—or even try to remember. He stopped bringing wine and flowers as often. He rarely opened the car door or any door first. He didn't think about planning dates on his own unless I mentioned that we hadn't been out for awhile—and when we would finally go out he would have nothing pre-planned—except the time he was picking me up. And to make things really sexy and fun—most of the time that I would see him it would be at my house or his where he would end up falling asleep. Great. What woman doesn't want to have sex with a guy like this?

To make matters worse, instead of working on building our relationship by connecting with me emotionally and listening and hearing my concerns, he would act as if what I was saying went through one ear and out the other. Well, until he felt me emotionally pull away—aka; my sexual desire for him dramatically faded. Interesting, when he could feel me pulling away (sexually), that was the only time he would put his best foot forward by trying to romance me (and be somewhat present), shortly followed by him trying to have sex with me. Seriously?!

What he failed to realize is that once the desire to be with him sexually was fading so was my desire to be with him on all emotional levels. I didn't want a guy who only makes an effort when he feels he's in the "dog house." His gestures started to become meaningless. What I wanted, was a guy who didn't take me for granted and would continue to do everything in his power (and beyond) to keep me versus finding and making excuses as to why he can't.

Men, if you love a woman and don't want her sexual desire for you to fade, then don't lightly hold or drop the ball in regard to her heart. When the ball is dropped the trust is broken and her emotional walls will go up. Women never want to feel (or think) that a guy is only with them just for companionship or sex. By making a woman feel important and special to you by not only your words but more importantly your actions, it will keep her sexual pheromones for you ignited.

Bottom line, work hard to be the guy that you were in the beginning that made us want to rip your clothes off. Chemistry isn't something you have only in the beginning of dating, it needs to be a work in progress and continue throughout the relationship. You will worry less about fading sexual desire if you can stay connected emotionally as a couple.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 14 months ago

      "Guys, when a woman pulls away sexually—she seems less and less interested with having sex with you—that means she's unhappy—there is an emotional disconnect she is feeling with you." - Very true!

      "Why do men think that in order to fix the lack of sex is to try and initiate more sex? Big rookie mistake." Possibly?

      If there was a lack of money in the bank no one would fault a person for trying to make more money. Lack tends to cause increased efforts.

      Maybe the "rookie mistake" is a woman expecting a man to "read her mind" instead of just {communicating with him} directly. hmmmm?

      I imagine very few women would just tell a guy:

      "I'm done having sex with you because...etc" or "I'm out unless you..etc"

      The mature thing to do is to get feelings and issues out in the open instead of waiting to see if someone will "figure it out".

      He may be thinking she doesn't want to have sex because she's cheating with someone else, has a STD, entering menopause, or is revealing her "authentic self" after he emotionally invested in her (essentially pulled a "bait & switch" to win his her heart). She couldn't get enough in the beginning!

      From his point of view he didn't "change" it was (her).

      Depending on the circumstances in other areas of the relationship the guy may end up cheating on her or he may just dump her.

      We're either "growing together" or "growing apart".

      Communication is the GPS for relationships!

      It lets a couple know which direction they're heading.

      Women and men would better off (telling their mate) what is bothering them.