- Gender and Relationships
Have Him at Hello By Rachel Greenwald: A Book Review
I really enjoyed reading this book and think that many women could also find it useful and beneficial to their particular situation. First off, there isn't anything radical or mind-blowing that Greenwald writes about in her book. It's things we have probably heard about before, but it's presented in a much different perspective. Greenwald is a dating coach and married woman so she has a lot of experience in the area of dating and what men really want. She gets a lot of her information directly from men themselves from what she calls "Exit Interviews." In these Exit Interviews, Greenwald calls men after dates with her clients and asks them directly why a first date led to a second or why it did not. She doesn't accept answers like "there was just no chemistry" but digs deeper to find out what really happened. The information Greenwald gathers from these exit interviews is very beneficial to women because they get an exact answer from many guys that they dated about why they choose to not pursue further seeing them.
Now that is a great idea because who could know better than the man you just went on a date with about why it didn't work out. Men gave various answers which Greenwald includes in her book that I found very informative and helpful. Greenwald then helps these women to adjust certain aspects of their personality or behavior in order to present themselves in the best possible light to future dates. Greenwald makes sure to point out that this doesn't include lying to your dates but simply highlighting beneficial aspects of your personality while trying to avoid habits that paint you in a less than flattering light. Greenwald uses many examples throughout the book but I will include four that particularly stood out in my mind.
The first one is appearance. Now this can come off as superficial but there is really more to it than that. Greenwald describes her observations, that come directly from men themselves, about how it is important for women to look feminine on first dates. For example, one woman chose first dates that were always sporty and required her and her date to wear athletic clothes. While athletic clothes can be very cute, they don't always show off the womanly shape that men like. Greenwald suggests wearing a skirt or dress on the first few dates and choosing activities that allow for such attire. It's all about putting your best foot forward and looking the best that you can so that you can make a great first impression. After all, you only get one first impression so it had better be the one that you want.
The second one is kindness. Overall, Greenwald says that the one characteristic most men look for in women is kindness. They want someone who is nice and warm. Kindness comes in many forms such as being agreeable about which restaurant to eat at, being nice to service people, and not turning the first date into a debate stage. Basically, men want women that they can imagine becoming wives and mothers. These women are nurturing and caring. If you know that topics like politics and religion can get you aggressive or judgmental, it's best to avoid such topics on the first few dates so you don't come off as aggressive or judgmental when you really are kind but these topics just get under your skin.
The third one that stands out in my mind is your online presence. Since everything is online these days I thought this was something a lot of women could relate to especially since many people are meeting online these days. The key here is to think about how the content you are posting is directly reflecting on you. Sometimes the things we post on Facebook and other social media is meant to be perceived one way but is actually taken another way because the people looking don't know you that well and don't understand your sense of humor. Obviously, for dating profiles, it is important to post fairly current photos and write things in your description that make someone want to get to know you. In your dating profile, you should focus more on the positives then the negatives, highlighting what you're good at and trying to avoid what you're not good at or mistakes you've made in the past. This is not an easy thing to do because you basically have to present yourself to a complete stranger through a couple of photos and a few sentences and hope they get the impression of you that you want.
The fourth is not saying too much too soon. This is a mistake that many women make because they start to feel comfortable on the first few dates and get into personal stuff that should be saved for a later time. Stuff that should be avoided on first dates is talking about your ex-boyfriends, any major health issues that you have, how many people you have slept with, and basically any other personal information that you really shouldn't tell people until they get a chance to know you better. You have to lay a good foundation down before you start to tell things about yourself that could make men not want to take you on that second date. An example that Greenwald uses in her book is about a woman that revealed she had diabetes on the first date. While this should not have been a big deal to a man who was dating her, the man she was on the first date with choose not to ask for a second date because that's all he had to go on. If she had maybe revealed her illness on the fifth date, he would have had more to go on like all her other good traits and her having diabetes wouldn't have made him turn the other way. All in all, keep personal information in moderation and watch what you say.
Overall, I would definitely recommend for women to read this book because of all the insightful information Greenwald provides in a unique light. A lot of the information in the book was things I have known or heard before, but Greenwald described it in a new way that I hadn't thought of previously. Greenwald suggests taking the time before a first date to think about topics to talk about and what to avoid so you come prepared and ready to make the best first impression possible. In dating, like in many other areas of life, it is not always about reality, but rather how someone perceives it. Perception is everything.
Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back by Rachel Greenwald
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