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Breaking the Grip of a Control Freak Friend

Updated on August 25, 2012

I Won't Be Controlled Any More!

Fed up!
Fed up!

When You Will No Longer Be Controlled

Do you have a control freak in your life, or are you a control freak? I will admit that I have control issues, but I learned many years ago that I can only control myself.

I have a former friend with some serious control issues. This is why I say "former" friend. When the control started projecting itself on me, I knew it was time to end the relationship.

No matter how much you want things to go your way, always remember that you can only control yourself. People are who they are, and if you cannot accept the way they are, do not try to change them. They will only change if they have the desire to change. It will happen in their time, not yours. You cannot save someone; they must save themselves.

My former friend had a very traumatic childhood due to sexual abuse, and now she tries to control everything in her life, to the detriment of the object of her control. I have put up with her behavior for many years, but I have found myself getting disgusted by her lying, spying, and guilt trips. She will argue with anyone at the drop of a dime, and she is always right. She complains that no one listens to her, everyone picks on her and no one respects her. If someone makes her angry, she expects her friends to pick sides. The problem is that she gets angry at everyone.

She is angry at me because she said I never return her texts, and I never give her an answer when she invites me to do something. I told her that I don't give her an answer because she gets angry if I say no. Rather than receive her typical guilt trip or anger, I avoid her.

I am avoiding her at this point, and it feels good to not be under her control. I cannot change her, or control her, as she cannot change me or control me. True friends accept each other.

Remember: you can only control yourself, and your reaction to others. Do you have a control freak in your life?

 

Let go

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    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      Control freaks are dangerous and it is difficult to sustain a relationship with one. I used to have a need to control but not to this extent. Now I am live and let live and we all are happier.

    • profile image

      D. Lynn 6 years ago

      I have a friend that is very close to not being a friend anymore. Every time we get together we do what she wants to do, eat where she says, when she says, shop at the stores she says to. She doesn't ask she just enters the store or restaurant and expects me to follow. Just the other day, she did the same thing. Didn't bother to ask just walked into a restaurant and sat down!! She got very huffy when I told the server that I wasn't ordering anything. She got even huffier when I explained that I wasn't hungry. We went out for brunch the other week and although she knew before hand that she didn't have any money, she proceeded to order plate after plate of appetizers and left half on the plate. That little experience cost ME $80.00!! She corrects my conversations with others, my opinions, and my taste. When we go shopping it always ends in a fight because she fills a dressing room with clothes that I don't like and orders me to try them on!! If I refuse she bawls me out in front of everyone. She just ended a 5 year relationship because she was frustrated that she could not control the boyfriend. She just raged at him when he didn't comply, and laughed at the neighbours who complained about the daily screaming. She insists that I have many problems and is the only one who can correct them. She has never married, never had children, and has had many boyfriends, only one long-term dysfunctional relationship, she dresses in baggy shapeless clothes, yet is an "expert" on all of those things. If I resist, she gets angry. She doesn't like to allow people to be themselves. What I don't understand is if there is so much about me that needs correcting, why does she want to be my friend? Even more disturbing is why do I continue to allow her to be my friend?

    • profile image

      kim 7 years ago

      I have been the victim of a control freak for 5 years im a female she WAS a female friend of mind. Slowly but surly she took over my life bit by bit making it look as if i needed her asking me if i had my keys when i left the house asking me if id fed the dog telling me how to raise my kids even though she has none making herself very comfortable in my home for many hours walking into my house uninvited even when my hgusband was sleeping on the couch in his shorts, she is rood outspoken and always seeking pity especially now because ive told her shes coming to often but she had the cheek to say why didn't you tel me earler well i know she already knew becuse my mom told me about a few comments she made about me. I feel angry with her because she is so controlling and rood i almost lost my identity but alas iv'e fought for it back, but i know i will have to wipe her from this family good and proper no more visits no more friendship she spoilt that a long time ago by taking me for granted this is only half of a very long 5 year story.

    • profile image

      sam 7 years ago

      Like dealing with an alchoholic, I believe you have to honest with the person and let them know how there actions affect you. Being honest with a friend even though it may end the relationship is vital. At least you can walk away knowing you told them the truth. Wether they accept the truth and decide to change is up to them.

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